Steve's ENM journey

[Evie]

As someone who was once Kaitlyn's age who go involved with an older couple, albeit in a different way, I just want to lift up the statement above that Kaitlyn is definitely too young to be dealing with this stuff.

Campground rules here, Steve, and Emma just left a mess.

 

[Tinwen]

So sorry this went so wrong. I would have expected better judgement from your wife. Also the fact that you were not aware of her reading your text... Bad, bad
I remember you being unclear on why Emma suggested opening up in the first place, I guess that's in the open now.
Usually we see similar dynamics gender reversed with men putting pressure on their wifes to get into swinging or similar lifestyle arrangements.
Emma has been supportive, hopefully she can continue to do so with boundaries in place.

 

[Stevek]

Thanks for your messages. We have always had access to each other's phones and I want that to continue for practical reasons, but once Emma knew that Kaitlyn and I were seeing each other, I assumed she would know that certain areas on my phone were off limits. Maybe it is on me for not setting an appropriate boundary. I am mad at Emma for making Kaitlyn an unwitting participant in her kink. Kaitlyn and I exchanged a lot of nudes, and it really doesn't reflect well on Emma to breach our privacy. I also said some things to Kaitlyn that might make Emma feel inferior (nothing serious, but stuff like that was the best sex I ever had, complimenting her body etc.). She most certainly read those things but never said anything. I want to be mad at her, but we are more focused on dealing with Joe and his vaping.

Emma and I will go for a walk and discuss this and what this whole thing means for our future. There is a chance that I might lose Kaitlyn, but I always knew that we would split. I just hope she was happy this past year or so. Kaitlyn sends me a good night text every night, but she didn't yesterday and has sent nothing today. I am trying to give Kaitlyn some space and deal with issues at home, but there is a decent chance that we might stop seeing each other.

I am glad Emma came clean about her kinks, but at the same time, why would she do that? She could have handled that way more delicately, and I know that she has the ability to do it in a way that wouldn't have blown up in our faces like this. It's like she was intentionally sabotaging my relationship with Kaitlyn.

 

[Stevek]

I am also wondering how Emma would react if you didn't want a blowjob upon returning home from Kaitlin's. I mean, it's quite common to need time to adjust/decompress/settle oneself when arriving home to one partner after having sex with another partner; many poly/enm people do that. Obviously she's turned on by the fact that you return home from having sex with Kaitlyn, but would she get all pissed off about it if you said no? I am just asking because there seems to be a strong element of using you in her dynamic with you. And I don't just mean the BJs, but the whole encouraging/pushing you to find someone to date, setting up that trip for the three of you, moving faster than you would have liked, and getting all buddy-buddy with Kaitlin. She seems to be somehow orchestrating everything for her own sake, so she can get off on it. I don't know, I could be wrong, but there's just something odd about it all. And then this breach of privacy!

I knew that she gets turned on after i had sex with Kaitlyn but the things she admitted to definitely gave me a pause. I didn't think she was this deep into her kink and the breach of privacy and subjecting Kaitlyn to her kink without her consent is definitely upsetting.

Now it's not the end of the world, and things like this can be remedied, but there need to be some ground rules, and I'd also say, more transparency on Emma's part about her motives. The fact that Kaitlyn still let you stay and have sex would indicate that she doesn't want to give up on her relationship with you, and I think that was a healthy move on her part to request that you shower before going home. It is self-protective. She probably won't want anything to do with Emma anymore, which is understandable.

I don't know. I have not heard anything from her since I left her place and I don't want to text her and put her in a spot where she feels compelled to reply.

 

[IndieSolo]

I am glad Emma came clean about her kinks, but at the same time, why would she do that?

Well, she did it because you told her to:

I think I mentioned sometime ago about my wife's cuckquean fetish. Kaitlyn doesn't know about this and I never mentioned anything to her. I told Emma that Kaitlyn should know about this, as hiding it from her is practically deceiving her.

However, you probably should have discussed boundaries in more detail when you told her that.

It seems there are a good deal of assumptions and not enough clear, direct communication between you.