What is this "lifestyle" you mention?
- Thread starter AutumnalTone
- Start date
IndieSolo
Active member
Yes!!! I wonder why this has been so hard for some to grasp.
If a newbie comes here and says, "I want the poly lifestyle! Help me do it!" How would anyone answer that?
Any response would have to pose that the newbie ask themselves what they want and how they see polyamory working for them and fitting into their current lifestyle. Polyamory is just a way to approach relationships, and can be part of a wide range of lifestyles.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Nycindie,
I don't know why it was hard to grasp.
But Autumn's last post-helped me A LOT with losing my confusion. It was SO MUCH clearer than what I got from reading the whole thread.
Autumn, thanks.
It makes sense to me now.
I don't think I've ever talked about poly in quite that way anyway-but now I get why it would be frustrating.
As Nycindie pointed out-if someone came asking how to do it, I'd raise an eyebrow and say "hell if I fucking know".
I don't know why it was hard to grasp.
But Autumn's last post-helped me A LOT with losing my confusion. It was SO MUCH clearer than what I got from reading the whole thread.
Autumn, thanks.
It makes sense to me now. I don't think I've ever talked about poly in quite that way anyway-but now I get why it would be frustrating.
As Nycindie pointed out-if someone came asking how to do it, I'd raise an eyebrow and say "hell if I fucking know".
MonoVCPHG
New member
That pretty much cleared it up for me.
AutumnalTone
New member
Autumn, thanks.
I don't think I've ever talked about poly in quite that way anyway-but now I get why it would be frustrating.
Now you understand why I scratch my head when I see people refer to a "poly lifestyle."
As Nycindie pointed out-if someone came asking how to do it, I'd raise an eyebrow and say "hell if I fucking know".
I think the best I could offer would be "Be prepared to do some serious work on your own issues!" (He says, after spending the past few weeks wrestling with some issues thought to be long-settled.)
IndieSolo
Active member
<sigh>
Seems to be lots of posts here bringing up how to live the "poly lifestyle" lately. It's like people see what they see and think that's the way it is everywhere? I don't know, but I know my lifestyle is vastly different from many others who live polyamorously - so I do find it frustrating when people say they want The Poly Lifestyle.
I wonder why it bugs me so much -- it's almost like grammar and spelling problems to me, LOL.
Seems to be lots of posts here bringing up how to live the "poly lifestyle" lately. It's like people see what they see and think that's the way it is everywhere? I don't know, but I know my lifestyle is vastly different from many others who live polyamorously - so I do find it frustrating when people say they want The Poly Lifestyle.
I wonder why it bugs me so much -- it's almost like grammar and spelling problems to me, LOL.
.. maybe they think of it as lifestyle until they become more in tune with what polyamory is at its simplest?I had someone message me from OKCupid asking if my husband and I were looking for someone "in the lifestyle" (a phrase I detest, BTW, and my husband is not on my profile, except to mention that we're married). I went to the guy's profile, and it was talking about being into Polyandry. I couldn't figure out if he was referring to a woman with multiple husbands, had meant Polyamory and didn't know the difference, or they were swingers.
TruckerPete
New member
Maybe it's some sort of code phrase for something not related to poly at all. And you have to be "in the lifestyle" to be "in the know".
IndieSolo
Active member
Ecch, sounds kinda dumb. Did you ask him what lifestyle he was referring to?
Maybe it's some sort of code phrase for something not related to poly at all. And you have to be "in the lifestyle" to be "in the know".
I'm sure it's super secret and exclusive with a secret handshake and gatherings involving naked people, robes and sacrifices.
No. Maybe I should have. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, though.
I wonder how often its related to people coming from swinging. Or thinking of poly like a communal loving. Both would be potential "lifestylers"..
people calling it lifestyle doesn't phase me. I just explain it otherwise. Then again I rarely say I am poly. Being open is good enough and covers the bases.
people calling it lifestyle doesn't phase me. I just explain it otherwise. Then again I rarely say I am poly. Being open is good enough and covers the bases.
TruckerPete
New member
I'm sure it's super secret and exclusive with a secret handshake and gatherings involving naked people, robes and sacrifices.
Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of "be careful or you'll end up trussed up, hanging from the basement ceiling, gagged, with a carrot shoved up your arse".
I also have an active imagination.
Terra
New member
Oops! I realized that I used the term "lifestyle" today when making a post. I'm super new here- my husband and I decided on what we called "an open marriage" a couple of months ago. After doing a lot of reading and pondering, I decided that what I really meant by "open marriage" and who I really am is much closer to polyamory than, say, swinging, so I gravitated towards that definition. When I used the term "lifestyle", it was just shorthand for "the decision to practice a polyamory", or "the realization that I AM polyamorous". "Lifestyle" does kind of have that "swinging" connotation, doesn't it? I know that homophobic people often refer pejoratively to the "gay" lifestyle, and my reaction has always been, "Well, WTF is THAT?"
No kidding!
quite the picture, LOL. I might prefer a cucumber though, a carrot sounds awfully pointy!!I just usually say nonmonogamous, if I'm trying to be clear to someone. It's the most straightforward definition I can give. And honestly, how it's defined for us changes depending on the situation and the people involved. Sometimes there's a relationship, sometimes it's mostly sex (though always with people that we'd consider friends), on occasion we've had a threesome. Just really depends ...
redpepper
Active member
I agree with Ari in that I think its to do with Swingers and their take on it. They use the phrase, "in the lifestyle" and it translates to poly... blech! I hate it too... I live no other life but my own thank you very much. Naive and disrespectful without knowing it is what I chalk it up to be.
You know the one thing I always think about is why they don't realize their "lingo" is not something everybody is going to understand, know what it means, or ascribe the same meanings to? I mean, it's just good form to be clear in a new environment until you learn the lingo there, too. You know? That's just wierd to me...
This is the first time i have seen that people have a problem with the use of the word "Lifestyle" yes i am a swinger, that is a lable that fits me just well so far. And for most swingers... we do call it a lifestyle. so when a person with a institutionalized swinger background posts into a poly sight, of course we are going to use it.
Note: i call "Institutionalized" swingers thoes that have actually been online to some of the more established swinger date sights (specifically SwingLifestyle.com). it has been engraned into our slang.
so, i put forth: please don't bite their head off when they use the word. just know that it is the only context we can understand at the time being and that we are trying to BLEND into a new community.
also, only now, while writing this do i realize that swinging is... ALL ABOUT LABLES. and poly isn't you would almost never hear a swinger describe themselvs as a pansexual, but always "strait" "Bi" "Bi-curious" a so on.
they can love all as equal, because it isnt love, its lust... for the most part
Note: i call "Institutionalized" swingers thoes that have actually been online to some of the more established swinger date sights (specifically SwingLifestyle.com). it has been engraned into our slang.
so, i put forth: please don't bite their head off when they use the word. just know that it is the only context we can understand at the time being and that we are trying to BLEND into a new community.
also, only now, while writing this do i realize that swinging is... ALL ABOUT LABLES. and poly isn't you would almost never hear a swinger describe themselvs as a pansexual, but always "strait" "Bi" "Bi-curious" a so on.
they can love all as equal, because it isnt love, its lust... for the most part
AutumnalTone
New member
And it will still make no sense. It sounds no different than showing up and asking us about our garblyfunch.
What in hell is a garblyfunch? I don't know, yet I suspect it's involved in this Sooper Sekret Poly Lifestyle people keep asking us about!