Recent content by GalaGirl

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    Abuse accusations post break-up

    Most welcome. That's good. Ready to move on is a good stage to arrive at. I think that shared leadership is better for groups. Nobody is immortal, after all. And emerging leaders need a turn at the steering wheel to practice their skills so they get better at it. And experienced leaders...
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    Abuse accusations post break-up

    I'm sorry that happened. Keep taking the high road. Keep being up front and honest, but don't be another dramatic Donna. Keep being up front and polite to the Facebook people investigating. I think any healthy group does shared leadership. So if you already had a long term volunteering at the...
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    Now I’m really confused

    I mean all this kindly, ok? I will respectfully disagree. From all your past posts about this ongoing saga? https://polyamory.com/threads/open-relationship-trouble.153933/#post-474315 You CAN expect him to be all up and down wishy washy. You CAN expect him to keep on pushing your trauma...
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    Need advice on the dreaded OPP (her idea).

    Let me repeat what I understand in my own words. Correct me if I get anything wrong. Maybe it helps you to see it like bullet list. I make it blue just to visually block it off. Limit You and wife and committed and won't break up. Wife stuff She wanted to have sex with women but not a...
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    How do I tell my husband?

    Understandable to be worried/scared about starting a new chapter. Especially when it's like "going into the unknown" while what you have here, even if not great, is at least familiar. At the same time... don't make the decision to stay just because of that familiarity. There IS going to be...
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    I am so irritated today.

    Sounds like you know when you are not actively listening for understanding. You are busy in your head thinking what you are going to say next. So if you want to be a better listener, you have to actually practice active listening. If you really are dealing with an unmanaged bipolar patient...
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    I am so irritated today.

    That is something to learn to discern. Important AND urgent. (Everyone get out! The house is actually on fire!!!) Important. But not urgent. (I have to talk to partner about X. But I can wait to cool off. Even a few days. It might FEEL ugh to sit with discomfort, but it is not like actual...
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    I am so irritated today.

    Google calendar... Cozi... GG
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    I am so irritated today.

    So basically she triggers her own self then? Like... She thinks you don't take her seriously, she is not important Thinking that makes her feel angry. So then she acts out at you "defending" herself when you weren't the one provoking or "attacking" her. Is that it? Look, you know how serious...
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    I am so irritated today.

    I cannot help you with codependence. Do you see a therapist for that? At minimum, could separate your stuff/reactions from her stuff/reactions. I grey her stuff out. The point is for YOU to forgive you so YOU can be at peace. Nothing to do with her. You could rewrite that sentence...
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    I am so irritated today.

    I don't know if this helps you any. I mean this kindly, ok? I'll be honest. I think you are overthinking this whole thing and how you are to blame for being a poor communicator. When really? What was this? A friend called and you wanted to go hang out with him on a night she has work. So...
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    I am so irritated today.

    If you think she could benefit from anger management or getting checked out for bipolar or couples therapy... I'd say go ahead and speak plain. Tell her you are tired of the explosions, you'd like for the relationship dynamic to improve, and make the request that she get a check up. Living in...
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    I am so irritated today.

    Any of those things -- the sign, asking if this is a good time to talk -- gives her plenty of "outs" if she's just not ready. And letting the trains just move on? Fair enough. If you text to check in and she does not see it in time? And you already did the groceries? Oh, well. You tried. She...
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    I am so irritated today.

    It is not callous for me to email the people living here "Doing groceries Friday. Tell me by Fri morning if you need stuff" and if spouse doesn't respond? I move on without him. He knows how to get groceries in person or do online orders if he missed the opportunity. There's also always a new...
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    I am so irritated today.

    Dude, then let the your train move on without her, and she can sit with her bee in her bonnet on her own being unsatisfied. It's not your problem. My Dad used to be all "Well, I guess I'm not a priority to you" which is basically acting out at me with a new "Poor lil' ol' me" flavor because he...
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