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i guess what I need is practical advice on educating and discussing this with Joy and Elle. I want Joy to feel supported and not abandoned, and I want to discuss things with Elle in such a way that I am respectful of her agency in the situation and not betraying Joy somehow. Ive been able to...

Hi Phy & Magdlyn, thank you for the replies. as you must know, this is all really, really challenging. I really appreciate any guidance; i dont feel very comfortable communicating about my situation to anyone around me because I can only envision it making everything a whole lot more...

Thanks Kevin. Yes. I think I need to talk to each of them more about it and then have a talk together if it seems like we are up for it.

Thanks for the great thread, still reading through it. I think I am in what could be described as a non-sexual triad. Maybe that's not a thing, but that's how it feels. Basically, my wife(joy) and I live with our good friend, call her Elle. We share house hold duties well, support each other...

Thank you GA, yes, that all makes sense. At that point in the conversation ( which has taken 2 days and most of both nights now, with lots of ups and downs), I was exhausted, and while a diplomatic answer like yours would have been better, she might have reacted as angrily to the evasion as to...

Well it's all out now! After lots of tears, we made a little progress. No one is talking about divorce yet. So that's good. I guess it went about how I would expect. She did ask if I thought about annie when we had sex. I answered honestly (sometimes) and that really hurt her. I'm sorry she...

Hi Elle, your situation sounds something like mine. I have been involved in what I consider a nonphysical more than friends relationship with my wife's best friend for over two years now. Two years from a moment when she told me she loved me and I told her I loved her back. I love my wife, and...

I'm feeling like a horrible asshole. I'm not complaining. From where I sit I look like a horrible asshole. :/

I tried a few months before the wedding, but when it looked like shit was going to hit the fan I chickened out. I did say I loved Annie, but when pressed I described it as an intimate friend love, which is a partial truth. But that came up yesterday ! And shit is basically just hanging in the...

Hmmm... Annie has been dating off and on the whole time. Including some open/poly relationships, some better, some worse. Most worse I guess. One had a lot of rules and seemed un satisfying. The other was more like an elaborate justification for her bf to not use any self control. I...

Thank you. All of your advice was excellent. I wish I had read it before having the earlier conversations. Yes, you are right that best friend, let's call her Annie, is just the lens through which I discovered and identified something in myself. But I'm also deeply in love with her. Can't...

Thank you graviton. I know, the triad is unrealistic. Yes, I am a total newby! What I've been most impressed about the poly community is their openness to discuss relationships and openness to reconsider what romantic relationships are here and now. I have spent the last ten years or so...

Thank you fallenangel, that's a piece of wisdom I will put in my pocket.

Polywanna my heart goes out to you! I'm terrified I will find myself in the same situation when I tell my fiancé. I think if she can get over the initial shock she might work with me, but I'm afraid she will just bail. You are giving me a little hope!

Thank you thank you This forum is invaluable to me! I had no idea about how to even talk to myself about this a few days ago. I will tell my fiancé soon. I want her to understand above all else that I'm not leaving her or loving her any less...I know that may not happen, but I have to try...

Thank you for the supportive responses. Part of me really just wants to put the cat back in the box, if you know what I mean. But on the other hand I got a full nights sleep last night for the first night in recent memory, so maybe just talking about this is helping relieve some...

Thank you galagirl! You're absolutely right. I'm working up the courage to have the conversation with my fiancé. I've been reading here about ways to do it, it's just, well, pretty scary! I need her to try to understand it a little instead of just reacting like she did before, otherwise I...

A few things I lost in the first draft... The best friend has said she is open to being in our threesome, albeit late one night, but I think she is open. My fiancé has said if she was attracted to women, she would be attracted to her best friend. She is very affectionate and physical and...

This is my first post, and I feel compelled to provide a little background. I'm 30, three months away from getting married to a woman I think is the most incredible, special woman I have ever known. Our sex is always amazing, we have great chemistry, I find her brilliant, funny, loving, and...