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Wow. Okay, I'm going to try hard to take in what you are saying and consider it, even though I don't agree with a lot of things on first read, and feel like you are absolving her of any responsibility in our relationship. Let's see... If that's what "just fine" communication looks like in...

I guess I knew that! I tried having it a while back but it wasn't the right time. Will try again soon. I appreciate your sharing this, since my question partly arose because I didn't see it discussed much, so was wondering how people work this out. That's why I was surprised that it wasn't...

Yeah, my wife is not and experienced poly person so that would probably be a rough first 6 months. Ugh, 6-18 months seems like way too much of my life; especially because there's no reason there won't be a new round of NRE when the old one runs out. I am not sure how much I want to be in NRE for...

Hi Ostrich. Yes, I do definitely have some insecurities. I thought that went without saying!! :ROFLMAO: Some are my own, some are real insecurity, as in, we don't know what will happen. I am not currently worried that she will actually be stolen away, as in, leave me for someone else. I don't...

I just finished reading Opening Up (well, skimming, but I'll go back to it more thoroughly) and really enjoyed it. However, one topic that she seemed to skip over was the question of pregnancy. She covered STIs and safer sex very thoroughly. This is important, but the topic of pregnancy, to me...

Yes, I'm trying to let go of the little things, nitpicking - with a focus on bigger picture - how can I actually get what I want, which is a happy and content life that hopefully doesn't involve separation, or one person being perpetually resentful? Yes, I don't really know what her intention...

It is good to hear this from someone else; I don't think it's too out-there for me to think this also. Can you tell me what you think the constant texting indicates? This is kind of what I'm afraid of if we go down the poly-path. I may have overstated things about the current situation - I...

Entry 5 - I seem to have gotten over a stretch of 3 days of an admittedly over-the-top anxiety/fear about my life falling apart because my wife was in an texting/walking relationship with another guy. It was spurred by a realization that they were getting more close than I had realized or that...

Entry 4 - Today, while still enjoying Christmas, I've had a pervasive sense of anxiety in my solar plexus. It seems to be related to why seems like my wife getting increasingly entwined, emotionally, with her male friend. This feeling is combined with a slew of compulsive thoughts about that...

Entry 3 - Thanks for all the responses. I will try to respond to them soon, but first, a short Christmas Eve entry. Interesting observation about jealousy: It turns out, the more I have to drink (and I'm talking about a few drinks, I'm not a heavy drinker), the more okay with Poly I feel for...

Yes, since we live together all the time, it's not like pre-sex time is all special and date-like; we're putting away dishes, double checking that doors are locked, sending that last work email we forgot, picking up the kids' messes, etc. So that's why I didn't say anything - I mean, if it had...

Interesting. I see what you mean. And not to draw too strong a parallel here, but it's generally assumed that men can't be "just friends" with a woman - they will always want or be open to sex. In fact, my wife said her friend would probably be game, just because he's a guy (and she's cute - my...

Hi Luke. Wow, thanks so much for the message. I will follow up later in more detail - kind of swamped with holiday stuff. But I had the chance to read your story via your old posts, and it was really helpful and, frankly, inspiring to hear the story of someone making this work. I will definitely...

As a guy, no I have never gotten mad about that, and I don't take it personally. I want my partner to orgasm so I do what I can to help that to happen. There are lots of ways of doing this that don't involve an erect penis. If I could guess (based on how I might feel in his shoes), I'd say hubs...

Magdalena and dingedheart, I think you are both right. She grew and developed and was exposed to these ideas over time. She felt a lot of shame and guilt, and didn't have a name for it, knew she wanted to be with me, didn't want to hurt me, etc. AND, on a certain level, she wasn't honest with...

I'm new to all this too, and in your position in that my wife recently "discovered" Poly. So first of all, I think I can empathize with a lot of what you're going through. It is really a whirlwind, and very confusing. All that said, I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm not even that clear...

Entry 2: This one's more of a rambling story, just trying to get out what happened. Two nights ago, we were getting ready for bed, with mutual understanding that we'd have sex (her suggestion). I walked into the bathroom and she was sitting on the bathtub texting the man she's been texting a lot...

Thanks, I will keep this distinction in mind. I have not thought about it in terms of ownership or possession. Obviously that makes it sound terrible when put in those words. Well I don't want to give the wrong idea - I definitely don't believe this, and she has close girlfriends and siblings...

No, I don't believe she read this forum. That could change, and she would certainly recognize me if she read my threads! Thanks, I'll keep in mind the idea of sharing the list, either with her directly or in therapy. Part of my goal of this blog is to get as many thoughts in order as I can so I...

Yes. It is really hard with limited time; it doesn't feel like a very good way to strengthen our relationship to swap "childcare duty" while we see other people. And the date with the other person, because it is more solid and immovable, less convenient to move, and maybe feels more 'special'...