i was more thinking in a private conversation, but i can give the basics here and still welcome advice from everyone.
My Hubby/Master and i got together about 5 years ago. About 2 years into our relationship we both developed feelings for a couple of girls. A little over a year ago, we moved one of those girls in with us (I will call her Wife), and everything was great. The other girl (call her Dior) lives in another state, so we visit each other as often as we can.
We are getting ready to move again, and Dior and her kids were supposed to finally join us. But about 10 days ago, we had a family video call about the move, and somehow (it's kind of a blur) it came out that Dior was never sexually attracted to me. This was very hurtful and triggering because of my past. Her argument was that she needed to spend more time with me and she thought she *could* develop those feelings towards me. So, for the last three years, i've had a completely false image of what my relationship with Dior really was.
This caused us to make the decision to let her go. Well, being the person i am, with a huge heart, i fought for her. I wanted to save my family, so i convinced Hubby and Wife to give her another chance. Dior claimed our family was her #1 priority, but then a couple days ago stated that for the moment she decided she wasn't going to be exclusive with us, because she had a sexual bucket list and wanted to check some of those things off before rejoining the family, and not being able to do those things anymore.
This didn't sit right with me, for a couple reasons. The first is that her actions speak louder than her words and she definitely wasn't acting like we were the priority. Second, we went through that whole ordeal about her not being sexually attracted to me, and therefore, basically having gotten nothing out of any of the intimate contact we've had for the last three years. But she's fine going out and having sex with people she barely knows, if at all. That part really fucked with me.
Dior is incapable of seeing things from my side and see how she has hurt me a couple times now, and maintains she doesn't see where she has done anything wrong.
Finally, yesterday she said that if we were that against her doing the things she planned to do, then she would not do them. But by that point, it really made no difference to me if she went through with it or not. The damage was done.
i really don't know if it can be repaired, or if i want to invest that much energy again, and hope it all works out. As of now, i feel like i'm done with her. The other two members of my poly family would like to give it some time, and see where things go. i'm ok with that, as long as they maintain their relationship with her separate from me.
i guess i want to know from people who have been in similar situations... am i being an asshole? Are my feelings justified? i don't know how to feel about it all anymore.
