Advice on asking someone out

K

Karend

New member
My husband and I have been married 10 years and just decided to open the marriage.

I have a regular where I work and he seems to like me and I like him. He is single and knows I'm married. I want to ask him out but I'm not sure how to approach the subject with him. I'm very shy and self conscious as it is (very overweight hence the self consciousness). I keep trying to run the conversation in my head, stuff like "wanna get a drink sometime?" Or something but I'm not sure how to approach the whole, "yeah we just opened our marriage" thing. Should I wait for him to ask, "I thought you were married?" Should I somehow lead with opening the marriage? Or do we discuss it on the date (assuming he says yes)?

And now I just had a scary thought, what if he is super not into it and thinks I'm a freak or something and it's really awkward anytime he comes into my work after that?

I'm even more nervous now. HELP!
 
Calm down ...breath

Take your time... And always remember... Whatever happens this time! Don't stop trying anywhere else!
Good luck! And have fun
 
And now I just had a scary thought, what if he is super not into it and thinks I'm a freak or something and it's really awkward anytime he comes into my work after that?
Click to expand...

Which is why you could think about your "messy people" list first.

Not dating your boss, your spouse's boss, your kid's teacher, your minister, your husband's father.... whoever else you would put on the list.

There's enough people to date in the world without picking those who could screw with your life should it go wahoonie.

Like you date your kid's teacher, break up, and now the teacher finds ways to make your kid's life hell. Easier to wait for the kid to move to the next grade or next school. THEN ask the teacher out. A person like that is on the "messy list" for a while, not forever. Where a person like "husband's father" might be FOREVER on the list.

You and spouse might want to talk about "messy people" lists before you start asking people out.

As for the actual asking out? You have to figure out your own style. I like being up front. "I like you and would like to get to know you better. Would you be up for a date?"

Not everyone I ask will be up for a date. Not everyone I date will be up for more or anything long haul. That's kind of what the dating process is FOR. To sort out the incompatible ones from the compatible ones.

If shyness is a big obstacle for you, maybe you are "willing, but not yet able" so you go take some classes first in order to BECOME more able. Improv, communication classes, shyness classes, etc.

Galagirl
 
Last edited:
Hi Karend,

I guess I lean toward, "Wanna get a drink sometime?" then, while actually on that (first) "date," talk a little about your open arrangement with your husband. That's just me though, I could be wrong.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top