Hi Wonderful People,
I'm just coming on here to ask for a little advice and see if anyone has had similar experiences. I've asked about this in a few other places and spoken to a lot of friends. (I'm so thankful I have a great support network.) I'm just looking to see what people's thoughts are.
My nesting partner (32F) and I (36M) have been in a relationship for just over 6 years (open for 2 years). She has been dating another person (43M) for just over a year (meeting once or twice a week). We’ve had our ups and downs with poly/EMN, but seemed to be actually finding our way. I’m currently dating 4 people, but nothing long-term or serious yet (FWB situations at the moment). I *thought* our relationship was pretty stable, baring some fluctuations in her sex drive over the last 6 months or so.
I found out on Saturday that she has been breaking the one boundary have, which is having sex with a condom, since autumn. They never even discussed it with each other. Apparently it just happened without discussion, then, I guess, over and over again. When we spoke she was incredibly emotional and told me this guy makes her unhappy, and that’s what she wants at the moment (which breaks my heart). She is currently in a day clinic being treated for depression.
I’m feeling incredibly hurt that she did not tell me this. Although my monogamous friends have been great, all they do is see my pain. I do realize it may not be possible to build back trust. I have had a vasectomy, he has not, and she is not on contraception. She has moved in with her friend for the foreseeable future.
I don’t want to make any rash decisions, but it’s definitely not an easy one. We are planning on meeting Sunday. I would love to give her a chance, but I'm not sure how. I do feel it has to start with her ending the relationship with this guy, as I really can’t trust her with him, but hate the idea of an ultimatum. I'm feeling completely lost and really don’t think this issue can be fixed.
Any advice or support would be brilliant, especially where people have seen trust built back up from another partner. I'm not sure if I’m being stupid, wanting this to work. My thoughts are a bit all over the place. Journaling is hard.
I'm just coming on here to ask for a little advice and see if anyone has had similar experiences. I've asked about this in a few other places and spoken to a lot of friends. (I'm so thankful I have a great support network.) I'm just looking to see what people's thoughts are.
My nesting partner (32F) and I (36M) have been in a relationship for just over 6 years (open for 2 years). She has been dating another person (43M) for just over a year (meeting once or twice a week). We’ve had our ups and downs with poly/EMN, but seemed to be actually finding our way. I’m currently dating 4 people, but nothing long-term or serious yet (FWB situations at the moment). I *thought* our relationship was pretty stable, baring some fluctuations in her sex drive over the last 6 months or so.
I found out on Saturday that she has been breaking the one boundary have, which is having sex with a condom, since autumn. They never even discussed it with each other. Apparently it just happened without discussion, then, I guess, over and over again. When we spoke she was incredibly emotional and told me this guy makes her unhappy, and that’s what she wants at the moment (which breaks my heart). She is currently in a day clinic being treated for depression.
I’m feeling incredibly hurt that she did not tell me this. Although my monogamous friends have been great, all they do is see my pain. I do realize it may not be possible to build back trust. I have had a vasectomy, he has not, and she is not on contraception. She has moved in with her friend for the foreseeable future.
I don’t want to make any rash decisions, but it’s definitely not an easy one. We are planning on meeting Sunday. I would love to give her a chance, but I'm not sure how. I do feel it has to start with her ending the relationship with this guy, as I really can’t trust her with him, but hate the idea of an ultimatum. I'm feeling completely lost and really don’t think this issue can be fixed.
Any advice or support would be brilliant, especially where people have seen trust built back up from another partner. I'm not sure if I’m being stupid, wanting this to work. My thoughts are a bit all over the place. Journaling is hard.