After all these years

P

pohldad

New member
Happy holidays to all!

I’m a 60-something male, married for 43 years. A year and a half ago my wife came out to me as asexual. She stated after a couple glasses of wine that she had never liked sex and doesn’t want any in the future. She says she loves me forever, as I do her, just not sex. She has been doing it because she knows it was important to me.

I’m sad she had to endure something so intimate without enjoying it, but I’m heartbroken, as well. I feel like I’ve lost such an important way to express and accept love. It’s been a year and a half of hard but loving conversations, and we have entered therapy. I’m still struggling with loss and feelings of rejection and trying to find my way forward. I look forward to others experience with this and thoughts on finding my way.
 
The last five hears or so of my marriage my husband was unable to have sex due to his heart function. Although our marriage had been open for many years prior I still grieved the loss of intimacy. I’m glad you are seeing a therapist and you’re able to come up with a family plan that can help met the needs of both of you. Does she still like closeness, like cuddles, kisses and hand holding? Maybe intimacy can evolve into something else for you that doesn’t involve PIV. I hope your therapist is polyamory positive. Much love to you as you continue your journey.
 
Greetings pohldad,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It is hard to find out your wife is asexual, I think you are experiencing a grieving process, you are losing something that you thought you had, and it was very precious to you. But it's very good that your wife was able to work up the courage to come out to you, now you can both work together on how to develop more of a loving and authentic marriage in the future. If there's anything Polyamory.com can do to help, let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Bsweet2Bev said:
The last five hears or so of my marriage my husband was unable to have sex due to his heart function. Although our marriage had been open for many years prior I still grieved the loss of intimacy. I’m glad you are seeing a therapist and you’re able to come up with a family plan that can help met the needs of both of you. Does she still like closeness, like cuddles, kisses and hand holding? Maybe intimacy can evolve into something else for you that doesn’t involve PIV. I hope your therapist is polyamory positive. Much love to you as you continue your journey.
Click to expand...
Thanks so much Bsweet2Bev for your kind words. My wife still enjoys a good morning kiss and a hug. A cuddle on occasion. PIV is not necessary for me, but intimate touch is. She is not much into me touching her but we have been trying her touching me. It isn’t as intimate knowing that it is only for me and not erotic for her in any way. I’m leading with compassion and hoping therapy might yield some insight. Wishing you the best!
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings pohldad,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It is hard to find out your wife is asexual, I think you are experiencing a grieving process, you are losing something that you thought you had, and it was very precious to you. But it's very good that your wife was able to work up the courage to come out to you, now you can both work together on how to develop more of a loving and authentic marriage in the future. If there's anything Polyamory.com can do to help, let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...
Thanks so much Kevin for your kind understanding. It helps a lot to know others view our situation with an empathetic ear. By joining the AVEN and Polyamory along with reading about asexuality and posts of others, I’m realizing I’m not alone. This helps a bunch. Thanks for all you do!
 
No problem, I'm glad if we could help.
 
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