Am I being considered by my married friends?

J

johnny80992

New member
So, I am a male who is great friends with a married couple. We have vacationed together twice including very recently. My one friend, who I'll call Barb, I have known for 12 years and we knew each other prior to her meeting her husband. I met her through my ex wife. Not long after the divorce, they too had a falling out. We remained friends though. She met her husband, I call him Kevin, just prior to me leaving my ex. Turns out Kevin is a hell of a guy and we became fast friends. I've known Kevin now for about 7 years. I'll start with the most recent events that occurred on vacation. So, we were playing Kings with a few rules of our own added in. 5-7 we had to draw a saying out of a hat and try not to laugh or we had to drink. We soon got low on saying and started putting actions in. Barb threw in to remove an item of clothing. She also threw in for one guy to give the other a lap dance. We talked a lot and I brought up this younger girl that was infatuated with me. Right when I started talking about how infatuated she was, Kevin nonchalantly points at Barb as if he was saying that she is infatuated with you too. Now, I'll take us back to last year. I got a text from Kevin asking if I wanted to watch Star Wars with them on New Year's Eve. He jokingly called it a date. I was a little buzzed at the time and said, "A threesome." We has a little joking banter about it. After watching the movie, we all three went to get beer at the local convenience store. Kevin and I open each door and Barb walks through and says, "Look at this. I have two men opening the doors for me." Later that night when the ball dropped, Barb leaned forward and said, "Why don't you both kiss me on each cheek?" I didn't do it of course. I felt uncomfortable. Not so much that I wouldn't want to, but I don't know Kevin's feelings on this and would not want to hurt his feelings or make him jealous. With all this, I'm not sure how Kevin feels about how flirty Barb is towards me. Also, he obviously knows that Barb has the hots for me, but we all remain friends and no one ever brings it up. I also should mention that I'm bicurious...not exactly attracted to men, but not adverse to fooling around. They don't know this about me. Probably the only thing that I keep to myself. Oh, I should also mention that about 3 to 4 years ago we were all drunk and Kevin fell asleep. Barb asked me if I hadn't been with my ex if I would have asked her out. I shouldn't have, but I was quite drunk and told her yes. She kinda clung to me a little after that and fell asleep with her head in my lap. I got up and moved to the chair. She has joked about threesomes in front of me and Kevin before also. In my 37 years I have learned to go with my gut. My gut tells me something is going on here. I love these two and I don't want something to get in the way of our friendship. Their relationship is spectacular. They are perfect for each and very honest and open to each other. I've even told them they are perfect for each other. I don't know. I'm not adverse to a relationship with them. They are both awesome people. I just feel uncomfortable bringing it up and am afraid that just bringing it might cause issues. I feel if it's something they want, then maybe it'll get brought up eventually. I mean, we are all best friends. Really all I want to know are your thoughts on this. Am I crazy or does it seem like something is up?
 
You are there and I am not, but it seems fairly obvious to me. You are right to be cautious though. Things can go to shit fairly quickly.
 
It's not the situation itself that I see as worrisome -- BTDT, actually -- but the coyness.

Okay, I have to pull up an example. There was a night where Anne & I were out to casual dinner with an old friend of mine, John. He's more young & handsome & muscular than me, a great artist, & we were both working on our fiction; FWIW, there's never been any attraction between us, but we're often "on the same page" about stuff.

They'd dated a few times, mostly going out for a night of dancing & a few drinks. We had a great time, & there was just this "click" all around, not unlike what people seem to mean by compersion. The night was early, so we went home for a really nice bottle of wine, which went down slowly & we had great conversation.

At one point, Anne -- never one for pointless subtlety ;) -- pulled me aside briefly & said she wanted to have sex with John. My reaction was kinda "well, yah, I've known THAT for months!" She said, "no -- tonight."

Well, like I said, John & I were very much in the same headspace on so many things, & trusted each other implicitly. So I turned to him & said, "John, Anne here would like to fuck both of us tonight. Is that something you're interested in?" He looked shocked, then laughed & said he'd been kinda feeling the same way.

Upshot: the sex was great, neither him nor I had a problem with incidental touch, & it was truly a memorable night. Though the friendships remained strong, we never had another threesome: it's impossible to force random perfection, much less to recreate it. And a year later, John wound up marrying our (monogamous) roommate. :)

You might have a lot of fun. There's no reason to believe it'll happen again, much less that it'll become a regular thing. And if any of you has some buried issues, a threeway might backfire somehow. So long as you're prepared for such outfall, fucking is an option.
 
Thanks guys. I know I'm in a place where I would be ok no matter what happens as long as Kevin is ok with it. He's my main worry. I just wouldn't want Barb talking him in to something he doesn't want to do. I value our friendship above all else and I hope that they do as well. I'm a an open and easy going type of guy. I suppose only time will tell with this situation. I'll update if anything comes of this. It's possible the idea is just being kicked around and they haven't come to a decision on it. Thanks again.
 
You're in a weird situation. They are supposedly mono, yet Barb has been overtly flirting with you for like, years? And you've been flirting back some...

Yet you don't dare say, Hey, where is this flirting going? What is going on here? Because if you do, and she does NOT want to actually have sex with you, she might have a cow that you've dared to contemplate it! And her husband might go all apeshit and manly jealous and go upside your head.

Or at the very least, they might get their feelings hurt and you might lose a nice friendship.

Sigh... it's kind of like being gay and being attracted to someone that is supposedly straight, and yet, they do things and cause situations that are on the sexy side, yet you don't dare make a move because they might clutch their pearls, or punch your lights out (depending on how they express fear and loathing....).

It sounds awful.
 
Well, it certainly seems like there's something there but how long it's been going on without being blunt about it is the only thing that gives me pause. I would differentiate between flirtations that seem to occur only when everyone is having drinks and behaviors when everyone is sober.

I'm fairly flirtatious, but it doesn't mean I'm open to sex that night - or maybe ever. I just flirt when I'm feeling good, and it's gotten me in trouble more than a few times. I can find someone attractive without necessarily wanting to act on that attraction. What I don't expect is for someone who misinterpreted my flirtations to feel they cannot ask me what my intentions are or fear of some loss of our friendship.

Personally, I'd ask - right after a blatant round of flirtatious discussion. You might be surprised. "I'm game, what time would you like to start?" is a line, when delivered with a playful smile, that is just non-committal enough to be politely disregarded as a joke but blatant enough to invite an immediate response if the hints are more than idle flirtations. If he doesn't take the bait, I'd back off.

There is no doubt in my mind that they have discussed the possibility and already know where they stand on that front.

They may be very seriously mono, but just playful. It may be that your playful interest and participation gives them some kind of excitement when they go home. They may also be leaning towards swinging and not necessarily poly, or have discussed it and are testing the waters with you - their friend. I imagine that he gets a thrill from imagining you want him and/or his wife and she gets an ego boost as well. Hard to say.

A great game to play is actually "Never Have I Ever". I've learned a lot about people after a night of that.

If I value the friendship and companionship more than what will dramatically change the dynamic, for better or worse... I have been known to keep my mouth shut.
 
Hi johnny80992,

It sounds to me like you are being considered by your married friends. Probably both of them. Barb at least. Although even then I think Kevin is aware of it. I could be wrong ...

Maybe what you could do is tell them that you have heard of polyamory, and you wonder what they think of it. That could open up the discussion, and maybe there'd be some confessions on their parts.

It's a tricky situation, I'll say that.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top