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I’m new here and am looking for some advice.
A little background about my BFF and me (we’re both females)...my post is a little long but without info it’s hard to ask for advice without details.
My BFF is married with multiple littles and another on the way. We’ve been close friends for a little over 18 months now. Recently I’ve been staying overnight at her house and keeping her company when hubby works nights...especially since she’s been ordered by her doc to take it easy for the remainder of the term and relax, relax, RELAX!!!
When I stay the night, I do sleep in the same bed with her, without hubby obviously, per her request. If he’s going to be home early or doesn’t have to work, she still offers to let me sleep with her and she says she’ll make hubby sleep on the couch or blow up an air mattress for himself to sleep on. I ALWAYS decline when he’s home or will be soon so they can share their own bed together since I don’t want to be disrespectful or overstep my bounds even though we’re BFFs. It’s usually her that offers but now he’s offered a few times too. I honestly can’t tell if they’re just trying to be nice when they offer? I get they wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t genuinely mean it but I still wonder because they often talk about how they never have alone time anymore, it’s super rare. That’s why in won’t stay in bed with her when he’s there.
I know she’s beyond grateful for the extra adult help and so is hubby. They’ve said things like, we don’t know what we’d do without you! You’ve been a life saver! Hubby is the sole provider for the household so he can’t just take the rest of the month until the baby is born which is why I’ve been trying to help. Two adults are better than one! I just know my BFF has a super weird history of people trying to “sleep with her husband behind her back” and some don’t even wait for her to leave the area. Even her own sister attempted to make advancements one time and tried to lie about it when caught red handed! So anything that I can do keep her mind at ease, I try to do. She suffers from really bad anxiety and worries constantly about everything. She can’t take her meds because she’s preggo so it’s especially hard for her right now
As our friendships have progressed, I’ve realized she has no “real” friends, just user friends, and I kept the impression that she’s ever had a friend like me. Same goes for him. Not real friends. When they met me, I think they realized I was someone who just wants friendship and that’s it’s, nothing in return except for that.
Lately, her hubby has been getting even more comfortable around me saying things that I was never expecting, like “love you” to me when he leaves for work when we’re all there and then I heard him calling me one of the “mamas” to be babies a few times. My BFF and I sometimes say we love each other, in a you’re my closest friend, I don’t care you’re house is a wreck, you haven’t showered, I just enjoy being around you, and I can’t live without you around kind of way.
I believe this is 100% a platonic relationship, at least from my end. We literally have no boundaries and share everything together. It almost seems like nothing is off limits except I know there is one limit that’s invisible even though she never says anything directly to me about it... do not try to sleep with my husband!!! I hope she knows by this point I wouldn’t dare.
Currently, there’s nothing physical going on between any of us except other than hubby did walk in on us in a precarious position on their bed...I was giving her back massage cause she was hurting BAD and I knew it would help. I gave her a really long massage, made her take half her clothes off and told her to just let me do it. After a few minutes I check to confirm she’s still okay since she’s never had anyone do this before and I didn’t want to force it on her. She explicitly said don’t stop, this feels amazing! She’s even making happy groaning noises because of the relief. Suddenly, hubby walks in and grins, then asks if he should leave. I think I may have been rubbing her pecs when he walked in, she was sore there too, but I think it looked like I was groping her! He didn’t know I was giving her a massage but didn’t seem to mind one bit. Even thanked me after for doing what I could to help rake care of her and going above and beyond...btw that’s just how I am for my friends. I often get burned because it’s usually a one way street. Not exactly the case here if that isn’t clear.
In all of this, I just wanted to help my pregnant mama friend out who has her hands full and be a good friend because I know she’s exhausted and having a very hard time (her words). I should add I’m now good friends with hubby too but it’s more of a brother/sister relationship feel if that makes sense, or at least that is what my BFF says she thinks it’s like to her when she sees us together. We get along really well about other things that my BFF and I don’t get into...I like girly stuff and but I also like boy stuff, such as building things, cars, etc. anything technical and that allows me to tinker with. I understand everything he talks about because it’s technical and I’m in a similar line of work (in the boys club, yep). Plus we’re almost the exact same age, 8 days apart, so it’s almost like we could be twins, where as my BFF is about 11 years younger than the both of us.
I’ve never in my life been so close another couple like this. Ever! I’m single without kids and likely will always be. It’s been lonely for me lately so I really enjoy their company. I even enjoy all the babes...all of it. I always wanted a family of my own and have long accepted it wasn’t in my cards. I just never thought this could happen. We even had a random convo over the holiday about what it would be like if we all lived together...and he brought it up.
Is the best way to go forward to just let things organically roll out and see where this goes? Im not kidding when I say my BFF has essentially absorbed me into their family and gave me a family label, Aunt E! I don’t ever want my BFF to be weird about any of this but she’s not the type to open up easily and talk about it and I don’t know how to bring it up exactly...especially given the history she’s gone thru. Most of the time it’s hubby pulling me aside asking me if I knew about something or if I could drop a few hints here and there. I know she doesn’t mind me talking alone with him and we do text often, he even says we’re the only two he ever texts/contacts. I even try to let her know if we’ve had a long convo about something that’s supposed to be secret, like gift ideas for the holidays or my plan to kidnap her and make her adult for half a day. Not the topic, just that we’ve been texting so she doesn’t worry he’s texting someone else or go snooping to ruin a surprise.
Since she’s preggo right now and I know once she has her baby in a month, things will change some. I will definitely still be around. She won’t shut me out when a newborn arrives, she’s actually grateful for the adult interaction and breaks. That’s how it was with the last little. I was one of the only people she invited to the hospital too. I’m sad I can’t go this year but I’ll be with the kiddos at home, impatiently waiting.
I’m just trying to figure out if this is a slippery slope I’m headed down or if I should stop worrying about it so much and just enjoy the fact I found a BFF/hubby combo that loves me enough to allow a single person to be IN their family. I’ve just never been so close to an entire family like this, it’s usually one spouse only and not super close to the kids. I kid you not, literally everyone inside the house are people I’d do anything for no matter what!
Any advice?
A little background about my BFF and me (we’re both females)...my post is a little long but without info it’s hard to ask for advice without details.
My BFF is married with multiple littles and another on the way. We’ve been close friends for a little over 18 months now. Recently I’ve been staying overnight at her house and keeping her company when hubby works nights...especially since she’s been ordered by her doc to take it easy for the remainder of the term and relax, relax, RELAX!!!
When I stay the night, I do sleep in the same bed with her, without hubby obviously, per her request. If he’s going to be home early or doesn’t have to work, she still offers to let me sleep with her and she says she’ll make hubby sleep on the couch or blow up an air mattress for himself to sleep on. I ALWAYS decline when he’s home or will be soon so they can share their own bed together since I don’t want to be disrespectful or overstep my bounds even though we’re BFFs. It’s usually her that offers but now he’s offered a few times too. I honestly can’t tell if they’re just trying to be nice when they offer? I get they wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t genuinely mean it but I still wonder because they often talk about how they never have alone time anymore, it’s super rare. That’s why in won’t stay in bed with her when he’s there.
I know she’s beyond grateful for the extra adult help and so is hubby. They’ve said things like, we don’t know what we’d do without you! You’ve been a life saver! Hubby is the sole provider for the household so he can’t just take the rest of the month until the baby is born which is why I’ve been trying to help. Two adults are better than one! I just know my BFF has a super weird history of people trying to “sleep with her husband behind her back” and some don’t even wait for her to leave the area. Even her own sister attempted to make advancements one time and tried to lie about it when caught red handed! So anything that I can do keep her mind at ease, I try to do. She suffers from really bad anxiety and worries constantly about everything. She can’t take her meds because she’s preggo so it’s especially hard for her right now
As our friendships have progressed, I’ve realized she has no “real” friends, just user friends, and I kept the impression that she’s ever had a friend like me. Same goes for him. Not real friends. When they met me, I think they realized I was someone who just wants friendship and that’s it’s, nothing in return except for that.
Lately, her hubby has been getting even more comfortable around me saying things that I was never expecting, like “love you” to me when he leaves for work when we’re all there and then I heard him calling me one of the “mamas” to be babies a few times. My BFF and I sometimes say we love each other, in a you’re my closest friend, I don’t care you’re house is a wreck, you haven’t showered, I just enjoy being around you, and I can’t live without you around kind of way.
I believe this is 100% a platonic relationship, at least from my end. We literally have no boundaries and share everything together. It almost seems like nothing is off limits except I know there is one limit that’s invisible even though she never says anything directly to me about it... do not try to sleep with my husband!!! I hope she knows by this point I wouldn’t dare.
Currently, there’s nothing physical going on between any of us except other than hubby did walk in on us in a precarious position on their bed...I was giving her back massage cause she was hurting BAD and I knew it would help. I gave her a really long massage, made her take half her clothes off and told her to just let me do it. After a few minutes I check to confirm she’s still okay since she’s never had anyone do this before and I didn’t want to force it on her. She explicitly said don’t stop, this feels amazing! She’s even making happy groaning noises because of the relief. Suddenly, hubby walks in and grins, then asks if he should leave. I think I may have been rubbing her pecs when he walked in, she was sore there too, but I think it looked like I was groping her! He didn’t know I was giving her a massage but didn’t seem to mind one bit. Even thanked me after for doing what I could to help rake care of her and going above and beyond...btw that’s just how I am for my friends. I often get burned because it’s usually a one way street. Not exactly the case here if that isn’t clear.
In all of this, I just wanted to help my pregnant mama friend out who has her hands full and be a good friend because I know she’s exhausted and having a very hard time (her words). I should add I’m now good friends with hubby too but it’s more of a brother/sister relationship feel if that makes sense, or at least that is what my BFF says she thinks it’s like to her when she sees us together. We get along really well about other things that my BFF and I don’t get into...I like girly stuff and but I also like boy stuff, such as building things, cars, etc. anything technical and that allows me to tinker with. I understand everything he talks about because it’s technical and I’m in a similar line of work (in the boys club, yep). Plus we’re almost the exact same age, 8 days apart, so it’s almost like we could be twins, where as my BFF is about 11 years younger than the both of us.
I’ve never in my life been so close another couple like this. Ever! I’m single without kids and likely will always be. It’s been lonely for me lately so I really enjoy their company. I even enjoy all the babes...all of it. I always wanted a family of my own and have long accepted it wasn’t in my cards. I just never thought this could happen. We even had a random convo over the holiday about what it would be like if we all lived together...and he brought it up.
Is the best way to go forward to just let things organically roll out and see where this goes? Im not kidding when I say my BFF has essentially absorbed me into their family and gave me a family label, Aunt E! I don’t ever want my BFF to be weird about any of this but she’s not the type to open up easily and talk about it and I don’t know how to bring it up exactly...especially given the history she’s gone thru. Most of the time it’s hubby pulling me aside asking me if I knew about something or if I could drop a few hints here and there. I know she doesn’t mind me talking alone with him and we do text often, he even says we’re the only two he ever texts/contacts. I even try to let her know if we’ve had a long convo about something that’s supposed to be secret, like gift ideas for the holidays or my plan to kidnap her and make her adult for half a day. Not the topic, just that we’ve been texting so she doesn’t worry he’s texting someone else or go snooping to ruin a surprise.
Since she’s preggo right now and I know once she has her baby in a month, things will change some. I will definitely still be around. She won’t shut me out when a newborn arrives, she’s actually grateful for the adult interaction and breaks. That’s how it was with the last little. I was one of the only people she invited to the hospital too. I’m sad I can’t go this year but I’ll be with the kiddos at home, impatiently waiting.
I’m just trying to figure out if this is a slippery slope I’m headed down or if I should stop worrying about it so much and just enjoy the fact I found a BFF/hubby combo that loves me enough to allow a single person to be IN their family. I’ve just never been so close to an entire family like this, it’s usually one spouse only and not super close to the kids. I kid you not, literally everyone inside the house are people I’d do anything for no matter what!
Any advice?
