Calisolara
New member
I have been married to my beautiful husband, Apple, for thirteen years. He has always been more of the adventurous type. He is the reason I started my first poly relationship. It started as a year-long discussion about having a threesome and flirting with an online friend, Berry, I had for years. I have never been into casual sex and couldn't think about sleeping with someone I didn't have feelings for.
After about a year of talking about it with Berry, we decided that he would fly out and we would do it. After that weekend it became apparent that none of us wanted it to stop. Berry was completely smitten and I adored all the attention he gave me. We kept flying back and forth at least once a month for the six months, sometimes for entire weeks at a time.
After six months, Berry decided he was going to be completely monogamous to me. He had slept with two other women without using condoms, and not informed me. I flipped out. I also had jealousy issues at times, and he decided that my being happy was more important than him sleeping with other people he didn't have feelings for and not being safe about it.
I think that’s when our relationship started going downhill. He only saw me once a month and he was lonely. The women he casually dated filled the loneliness in his life. We broke up after a year of dating, with him stating the reasons that he didn't want to be the second person to Apple, he couldn't live the rest of his life this way. He wants a wife that’s just his, and more children. He didn't want to get me pregnant and have Apple be unhappy about it. He couldn't handle the jealously he had of Apple, or the long-distance relationship anymore. He also couldn't handle the emotional needs I had.
The breakup was devastating to me. I had known Berry for four years, and in one year we had torn our friendship and our love apart. It knocked me off my feet, to where I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Apple took it hard. He didn't like that another man had that effect on me, and for the first time in our lives he was jealous. He had never been a jealous man, but suddenly the jealous and insecure bug got him. He felt like no person other than him should make me not want to get out of bed in the morning with a broken heart.
My (military) husband had to deploy. I was still brokenhearted when he left. I decided the best place for me was in a different state with my family. I am not open about my first poly relationship with all my family, I just told them I was ill and needed help. They were very accommodating to keep me company.
After being there for about three months, I was introduced to a man my sister knew, Carrot. (My sister, who doesn't know about my previous poly relationship and with whom I would never be open.) I was instantly attracted to him. I am very picky with men, but he did it for me.
He had a monogamous relationship with a girlfriend. He kept telling everyone they were breaking up though, because she is moving away for school and neither wants a long-distance relationship. I brushed it off because I was not entirely over my other relationship anyway.
We ended up exchanging numbers. A few days later I texted him one of those random things you get from friends and you forward on to other friends because it’s funny. He texted me back right away and told me I should go with my sister on a trip they were taking together that weekend. I accepted. We had an amazing time in Reno and really connected. I told him about my recent heartbreak, and became open about being poly.
I could tell he was completely infatuated. I still kept him at a distance.
Some time passed and we began spending all our free time together, cuddling, or texting non-stop.
He still had a girlfriend... I had never been the "other woman."
Eventually we kissed and things went further. I told Carrot all I wanted from him was to talk to him occasionally and see each other when we could. I didn't want him to be another boyfriend and risk getting hurt the way I did the first time. After awhile it became apparent his feelings were intense, and he had a hard time figuring those out. He just kept telling me "I care about you way more then I should." We texted each other all the time.
When it was time for me to go back home, and to Apple coming home, Carrot expressed having a hard time with it. He said he had felt like I was his girl all this time and it would be different when I left, with my husband coming home, and the long distance. He said once again he didn't do long-distance relationships, that this would be hard.
A day or two after I went home, his girlfriend and he broke up. I felt responsible and was worried that if he was attached to me, he would get lonely without someone in his life, and he would end up breaking up with me for the same reasons Berry did. I had been trying to keep Carrot not as serious as Berry. I don't want to be hurt the way I was the first time. He doesn't want to be my boyfriend.
He drove up the 13 hours to see me a few weeks later, before Apple got home. His feelings didn't seem to change over the few weeks of separation, and he still was texting me all day long, with occasional phone calls.
Apple got home. Things stayed the same with Carrot for the first two weeks. Then overnight I started getting fewer texts. It’s been this way for two weeks. I am very unhappy with the lack of communication. I feel like there is so much distance in our communication and it felt like we were so close. He still initiates texts, saying good morning almost every day. If he doesn't say good morning to me I don't text him until he says something to me. So far, eventually he always does say something to get my attention. Today it was a random "rawr."
I asked him if there was something wrong, or if he was interested in someone and putting that attention there. He said no. That he is a person that whatever is in his face he pays attention to, and I am far away. He said it’s hard to maintain a long-distance relationship and they never work. He said he promised me that he would tell me if he started dating anyone else and that hasn't changed.
I am concerned with the lack of attention. We have only been dating for three months and I feel like the crazy "I want to spend all my time with you" shouldn't have changed so soon. I feel like it has, because he doesn't text all the time.
I think about everything and analyze everything so much. Am I overreacting? I feel like he basically doesn't act normal for several days, and then he surprises me, and starts being the way he has been since the day I met him. I feel like mixed signals are going back and forth, between getting the blow-off vibe, "I am not as interested anymore," to "I miss you, baby. You miss me?"
I can't tell if it’s a symptom of Apple coming home and jealous, distance, or if Carrot has fickle feelings. It’s bugging the crap out of me. I am going to be in his area for the next two weeks this coming weekend, and hoping I figure things out, but the wait is bugging me. I am also moving to his area in five months, so I don't want to say right away he is not into long distance, so let’s end it. He has been really great to me before now.
After about a year of talking about it with Berry, we decided that he would fly out and we would do it. After that weekend it became apparent that none of us wanted it to stop. Berry was completely smitten and I adored all the attention he gave me. We kept flying back and forth at least once a month for the six months, sometimes for entire weeks at a time.
After six months, Berry decided he was going to be completely monogamous to me. He had slept with two other women without using condoms, and not informed me. I flipped out. I also had jealousy issues at times, and he decided that my being happy was more important than him sleeping with other people he didn't have feelings for and not being safe about it.
I think that’s when our relationship started going downhill. He only saw me once a month and he was lonely. The women he casually dated filled the loneliness in his life. We broke up after a year of dating, with him stating the reasons that he didn't want to be the second person to Apple, he couldn't live the rest of his life this way. He wants a wife that’s just his, and more children. He didn't want to get me pregnant and have Apple be unhappy about it. He couldn't handle the jealously he had of Apple, or the long-distance relationship anymore. He also couldn't handle the emotional needs I had.
The breakup was devastating to me. I had known Berry for four years, and in one year we had torn our friendship and our love apart. It knocked me off my feet, to where I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Apple took it hard. He didn't like that another man had that effect on me, and for the first time in our lives he was jealous. He had never been a jealous man, but suddenly the jealous and insecure bug got him. He felt like no person other than him should make me not want to get out of bed in the morning with a broken heart.
My (military) husband had to deploy. I was still brokenhearted when he left. I decided the best place for me was in a different state with my family. I am not open about my first poly relationship with all my family, I just told them I was ill and needed help. They were very accommodating to keep me company.
After being there for about three months, I was introduced to a man my sister knew, Carrot. (My sister, who doesn't know about my previous poly relationship and with whom I would never be open.) I was instantly attracted to him. I am very picky with men, but he did it for me.
He had a monogamous relationship with a girlfriend. He kept telling everyone they were breaking up though, because she is moving away for school and neither wants a long-distance relationship. I brushed it off because I was not entirely over my other relationship anyway.
We ended up exchanging numbers. A few days later I texted him one of those random things you get from friends and you forward on to other friends because it’s funny. He texted me back right away and told me I should go with my sister on a trip they were taking together that weekend. I accepted. We had an amazing time in Reno and really connected. I told him about my recent heartbreak, and became open about being poly.
I could tell he was completely infatuated. I still kept him at a distance.
Some time passed and we began spending all our free time together, cuddling, or texting non-stop.
He still had a girlfriend... I had never been the "other woman."
Eventually we kissed and things went further. I told Carrot all I wanted from him was to talk to him occasionally and see each other when we could. I didn't want him to be another boyfriend and risk getting hurt the way I did the first time. After awhile it became apparent his feelings were intense, and he had a hard time figuring those out. He just kept telling me "I care about you way more then I should." We texted each other all the time.
When it was time for me to go back home, and to Apple coming home, Carrot expressed having a hard time with it. He said he had felt like I was his girl all this time and it would be different when I left, with my husband coming home, and the long distance. He said once again he didn't do long-distance relationships, that this would be hard.
A day or two after I went home, his girlfriend and he broke up. I felt responsible and was worried that if he was attached to me, he would get lonely without someone in his life, and he would end up breaking up with me for the same reasons Berry did. I had been trying to keep Carrot not as serious as Berry. I don't want to be hurt the way I was the first time. He doesn't want to be my boyfriend.
He drove up the 13 hours to see me a few weeks later, before Apple got home. His feelings didn't seem to change over the few weeks of separation, and he still was texting me all day long, with occasional phone calls.
Apple got home. Things stayed the same with Carrot for the first two weeks. Then overnight I started getting fewer texts. It’s been this way for two weeks. I am very unhappy with the lack of communication. I feel like there is so much distance in our communication and it felt like we were so close. He still initiates texts, saying good morning almost every day. If he doesn't say good morning to me I don't text him until he says something to me. So far, eventually he always does say something to get my attention. Today it was a random "rawr."
I asked him if there was something wrong, or if he was interested in someone and putting that attention there. He said no. That he is a person that whatever is in his face he pays attention to, and I am far away. He said it’s hard to maintain a long-distance relationship and they never work. He said he promised me that he would tell me if he started dating anyone else and that hasn't changed.
I am concerned with the lack of attention. We have only been dating for three months and I feel like the crazy "I want to spend all my time with you" shouldn't have changed so soon. I feel like it has, because he doesn't text all the time.
I think about everything and analyze everything so much. Am I overreacting? I feel like he basically doesn't act normal for several days, and then he surprises me, and starts being the way he has been since the day I met him. I feel like mixed signals are going back and forth, between getting the blow-off vibe, "I am not as interested anymore," to "I miss you, baby. You miss me?"
I can't tell if it’s a symptom of Apple coming home and jealous, distance, or if Carrot has fickle feelings. It’s bugging the crap out of me. I am going to be in his area for the next two weeks this coming weekend, and hoping I figure things out, but the wait is bugging me. I am also moving to his area in five months, so I don't want to say right away he is not into long distance, so let’s end it. He has been really great to me before now.
