An introduction over a month in the making...

A

anywhereyouare

New member
Greetings!

I have been reading these boards for over a month now, though have been scared to introduce myself, mainly for fear of not being able to describe my feelings/emotions and situation properly. But, I’m at the point where I am desperate to talk to others who have been in poly relationships. I feel extremely isolated not knowing anyone (besides my husband) who identifies as poly and having so many questions.

I have felt akin to being poly (I still don’t know if I truly am) for the last two years. I developed a very intimate friendship with someone I work with, G, and developed strong feelings for him. I was afraid to tell my husband for fear of ruining our marriage, especially because I was still in love with my husband, and frankly, felt even closer to him (for what reason I don’t know) through this process of finding myself. G and I agreed to be friends and nothing more and I spent time locking away those feelings as best as I could.

Fast forward to over a month ago when I joked to my husband about him being attracted to another woman, which opened up this huge dialogue between he and I, resulting in him wondering if he was poly as well.

So, here we are, both figuring ourselves out, though it has created an even deeper connection between he and I (which is awesome).

I guess I’m just looking for people who feel similarly and would be willing to talk to me about how to navigate all of these new feelings/emotions/experiences. We contacted a therapist, but haven’t set a date to meet with her just yet.

Oh, so about me/us. I’m a pansexual cis female married for 12 years to a hetero cis male, with one awesome 8 year old kiddo.

Thanks for reading/listening.

-C
 
Hi C

Perhaps simply having something completely new and different to talk about with you hubby is what is sparking those feelings of closeness, you're learning new things about each other as well as yourselves, which is what we do when we first start dating.

As for G, it's good you've had a frank discussion about having friendship only boundaries until you've got this sorted with hubby.

G is a catalyst, but be aware he or your Hubby's current interest are not necessarily going to be the only ones you'll meet if you open up your marriage.

For me, a guy I call Golf on here was the catalyst. Since then, I have gotten to know five other new people intimately, and a couple more peripherally. And that's in three and a half years! I've been through the wringer, emotionally, as these extramarital relationships wax and wane. And Adam, my hubby, has wonderfully supported me through these. But I wouldn't actually change it, rollercoaster and all, because I'm being true to myself. I don't turn my back on an interesting new person just because I'm married. I'll get to know them and make a decision based on that. I've had to totally walk away from a few, and another couple have become good friends. But this is my experience, and others have very different ones of being open/poly, including Adam who's pretty much had one girlfriend during this time (which has now deescalated to a friendship).

All the best for your journey. There certainly is some gold nugget advice on these boards. One I saw the other day, I think from Vinsanity, was don't get wrapped up in what your partner is or may be doing with someone else (I've paraphrased badly, but I concur completely).

All the best
Evie
 
Greetings anywhereyouare,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I think you will find many like-minded individuals here, who will be willing to talk to you about how to navigate all of these new feelings/experiences. Set a date to meet with your therapist, but turn to this forum for advice and support as well. The Poly Relationships Corner might be the next place you'll want to post, it has the most visits from the most people. However you can post on this thread as well; I will be following it. Just tell me what kinds of difficulties or questions you have, or which feelings/experiences you are looking for help on. It sounds like you are handling poly pretty well so far.

I'm glad to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hi anywhereyouare - and welcome to the Forum! We will look forward to hearing your story as it unfolds. We do have many experienced poly folks here who are generally helpful and friendly - so please do not hesitate to post any specific thoughts and questions that you may have. You are certain to get some replies. And keep communicating with your husband - this transition will most likely involve many very long late night talks. Best of luck on your new poly journey! Al
 
Thank you everyone for your responses. I definitely have plenty of questions and will find the right forum to post them in....it's been quite a whirlwind these last few months. Emotional rollercoaster doesn't even begin to describe it.

Again, thank you all for welcoming me. I'm looking forward to learning so much from all of you.

Best,
C
 
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