Answers From the Shady Side

Rooster

Rooster

Member
So the majority of the posts here are from people who are hurting and I will be honest it is why I started posting here. But I also wanted to try and understand things from another point of view. So I read through all of the new posts of people who are scared or just need some support and I feel for them, I wish I could help but really there is no way for me to understand what it's like being in their shoes.

Let me expand on that. I am the newb OPP Primary parallel V mono male who just jumped in with both feet less than a year ago. I have the least difficult part of any structure out there and because of that I'm incapable seeing things from the side of so many people struggling here. Also there are not many guys like me here, we just don't get hurt as much so we don't feel compelled to post.

So since I feel indebt to this forum I would like to offer the only benefit that I can provide;
If there is any question you want to ask me (even if you think it may be hurtful to me) I vow to answer you with complete honesty unless it directly affects my safety.
I will warn you that some of the things I say may be offensive but I mean no disrespect to anyone here.
I will answer when I can but some days I don't get a chance to sit down and type.
 
Hi Rooster!

What did you end up doing about creepy work colleague who saw you browsing this site?
 
He's my boss. I lied and said "oh that's just a link from an add". He could see right through me but at least he could tell it made me uncomfortable and didn't press it any further. We famously don't get along as it is so I think we can pretend like it never happened.
 
How are you going to deal with it when the 24 hour rule *doesn't* work in your favour?
 
Evie said:
How are you going to deal with it when the 24 hour rule *doesn't* work in your favour?
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I've been fortunate so far so I haven't had to deal with it yet. But if it came down to it I think I could TCB myself and be OK for a day or 2.
 
Do you have the knowledge to, and the willingness to, contact your meta if your wife (god forbid) couldn't?

Absolute worst case scenario, could your meta attend your wife's funeral? Speak at said funeral?
 
Evie said:
Do you have the knowledge to, and the willingness to, contact your meta if your wife (god forbid) couldn't?

Absolute worst case scenario, could your meta attend your wife's funeral? Speak at said funeral?
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No at the moment I have absolutely no contact information. It dose make me uneasy and it's one of the things that will trigger her if I push to hard. In fact I sometimes get the vibe she may be having a similar argument with my meta.
 
Rooster said:
No at the moment I have absolutely no contact information. It dose make me uneasy and it's one of the things that will trigger her if I push to hard. In fact I sometimes get the vibe she may be having a similar argument with my meta.
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Trigger? Are you using that in the PTSD sense, or in the "she'll get mad/sulky/secretive" sense?
 
Evie said:
Trigger? Are you using that in the PTSD sense, or in the "she'll get mad/sulky/secretive" sense?
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She will get mad and stop talking, stop answering questions, basically stay silent for the rest of the day. It's only certain issues that make her react this way.
 
Rooster said:
She will get mad and stop talking, stop answering questions, basically stay silent for the rest of the day. It's only certain issues that make her react this way.
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Can you identify any patterns in those issues that relate back to a singular issue/fear?
 
Evie said:
Can you identify any patterns in those issues that relate back to a singular issue/fear?
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It seems like this happens when she knows she is wrong or if there is a harsh reality that she would rather not acknowledge. I'm really thinking hard if there is another pattern but I can't think of anything else.
 
Would you be open to kitchen table poly if KC can do her gf the courtesy of introducing you?
 
Evie said:
Would you be open to kitchen table poly if KC can do her gf the courtesy of introducing you?
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Absolutely. I actually prefer it but we have kids and that makes things "tricky". She constantly tells me she is afraid of "tire slashers" so I think that's why things are so incognito right now.
 
Hello Rooster,

You might be surprised ... there is a whole category of monogamous partners (in a poly situation) who struggle, perhaps the most infamous case in point is https://polyamory.com/threads/the-struggling-mono-thread.3989/

I reckon that one of the reasons why you are doing so well in your situation, or why things are so "easy" for you, is because you really have a good attitude. You are happy that your wife is happy, you have true compersion. Of course, you have an OPP which in some relationships would be a problem, but as it happens your wife just wants to explore women, so ... not a problem.

I guess my question is ... would you ever want to try another threesome? ... and: what are the chances your wife would be interested in that?

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
I guess my question is ... would you ever want to try another threesome? ... and: what are the chances your wife would be interested in that?
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I still fantasize about it all the time but in reality my stamina may not be the same as it was when I was younger. If the situation was right and I didn't have to worry about embarrassment then yes I would do it again.
Right now I think it would be less than a 50% chance that she would be interested.
 
Kind of a bummer that she wouldn't be interested, but yes I guess there are other obstacles.
 
kdt26417 said:
Kind of a bummer that she wouldn't be interested, but yes I guess there are other obstacles.
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In lieu of recent information I would have to reestimate my chances from less than 50%, to 0%. But meh, I'm ok with it.
 
What about you, would you ever want to date anyone besides your wife?
 
kdt26417 said:
What about you, would you ever want to date anyone besides your wife?
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This is so crazy but she was just asking me that same thing and then I check my phone and see this LOL.
I have been thinking about it lately, but I just don't think I have the bandwidth. If the exact right person came along in life I might change my mind.
TBH when KC goes out and the kids go to bed I enjoy the "alone time", witch is something I really haven't had in years and didn't realize how much I missed it.
 
It's true, alone time is worth a lot.
 
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