Hi! My wife and I are new to polyamory. Our story is that for years I had expressed a desire to be with other women. She, however, was always opposed to it. It caused her a lot of anxiety even thinking about me wanting to be with other women. And I always respected that. I never pushed for it. I would just occasionally bring up the issue, since it was a desire of mine that never seemed to go away. Her feelings on the matter changed, however, when she struck up a friendship that turned into something more. I was excited at first. I saw it as finally my chance to explore my sexuality outside of the context of our marriage. But the closer her and her boyfriend got, the more I started having pretty strong feelings of jealousy. I didn't anticipate that. I think there are just certain assumptions coming from 14 years of monogamy that aren't easily cast aside. But I'm dealing with it. I remind myself that she is happy, that our relationship is strong, and that I do have the freedom to explore. I'm also getting ready to start therapy to help me work through these issues. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has a success story of a married couple who entered into polyamory together and is still thriving in their marriage relationship. My wife and I are committed to making this work, and hearing some success stories would provide some encouragement. Thanks!
Any success stories of married couples transitioning to polyamory?
- Thread starter Enkidu
- Start date
You will find success stories, but keep in mind that every relationship is different, and some things will work for others that wouldn't work for you.
A great book with an overview collected from a survey of 100+ poly people and couples is called Opening Up. There you will find various people's experiences, as well as every tip and guideline you might want as you and your wife begin your poly journey.
We do have a "Success Stories" thread here as well, although it's not just for previously mono couples.
A great book with an overview collected from a survey of 100+ poly people and couples is called Opening Up. There you will find various people's experiences, as well as every tip and guideline you might want as you and your wife begin your poly journey.
We do have a "Success Stories" thread here as well, although it's not just for previously mono couples.
Hello Enkidu,
My V started out as a married couple. Then the wife (of that couple) and I fell in love with each other. Then we learned of polyamory, and she pitched the idea to her husband. After many talks between them, over the course of about a year, he agreed to try it, and that married couple then transitioned to polyamory with me. That was in 2006. So the three of us have been together for a long time. I consider that to be a success story. If you have any questions for me, just let me know.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
My V started out as a married couple. Then the wife (of that couple) and I fell in love with each other. Then we learned of polyamory, and she pitched the idea to her husband. After many talks between them, over the course of about a year, he agreed to try it, and that married couple then transitioned to polyamory with me. That was in 2006. So the three of us have been together for a long time. I consider that to be a success story. If you have any questions for me, just let me know.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
mountaingirl
Active member
Once you sift through the scary posts on here there are quite a few of them. I think perusing the blogs is the best way to find examples.
I think I’m probably a decent example of at least a reasonable level of success? The TL;DR is that I’ve been with my husband for 26 years, married 20, and we both have successful other partnerships of 8-9 years. Technically we were only _strictly_ mono for the first 4ish (I think? Memory is a bit fuzzy) years of our relationship but were either emotionally monogamous or, in some years, practically monogamous until about 10 years ago. I’m absolutely not saying we thrived for the entirety of those ten years - some of the transitions were rough! - but I would say our relationship is probably at about a 7.5-8 out of 10 right now 
My blog details a lot of it, though it does skew to the more negative side sometimes just because I use it as a venting space so keep that in mind if you read it.
(Also, dealing with your partner having partners is almost always more difficult than having other partners yourself, so give yourself some grace as you work through it.)
My blog details a lot of it, though it does skew to the more negative side sometimes just because I use it as a venting space so keep that in mind if you read it.
(Also, dealing with your partner having partners is almost always more difficult than having other partners yourself, so give yourself some grace as you work through it.)