Asking permission to date a friends partner

[Orlandobif]

At a poly people party I connected with a couple. I know the "V" and friends with the wife casually through my poly circles. So a V, man, girlfriend, wife. The girlfriend and man and I appear to be headed for potentially a triad situation. Since I know the wife casually and we are Facebook friends I have the urge to ask permission to date him like a sign of respect. I did this once before when I knew a couple, was more friendly with her and then asked permission to date him. It seemed appropriate.

Have you done this? Asked permission?

 

[Skynet]

Permission? No. I wouldn't. That feels like it's removing agency from the person who you want to date. If it were a CLOSE friend, like I was closer with the would-be meta than the intended partner, I might ask how she felt about it before proceeding. But that would be something I'd only do if I valued the friendship highly and felt like we were close enough that sharing a partner could possibly impact our relationship. An acquaintance, I wouldn't.

 

[Tinwen]

I think it's good to have open communication lines with your (potential) metamour. Asking 'permission' seems too much, but an offer to discuss things if there are any problems could be nice.

 

[GalaGirl]

I don't think you are seeking "permission" as much as "good will."

You sound like you basically want to know if wife would have a problem with the potential triad and you dating the husband. So ask what you want to ask. Nobody is a mind reader.

Galagirl

 

[Shaya]

Galagirl got it right. It's not really "asking permission", it's asking them how they would feel if dot dot dot.

I think you just gotta ask.

 

[kdt26417]

I suppose asking permission is a considerate thing to do.

 

[Marcus]

Have you done this? Asked permission?

Nope.

My relationships are independent of one another. If there is some kind of power struggle going on with someone I want to spend time with and someone else they are involved with - that's for them to sort out.