Been in a sort of poly thing for a year, have questions...

M

MHHIPDX

New member
So I have been in a poly relationship for almost a year. My boyfriend is in a domestic partnership and I am the new guy that he with as well. His other partner and I are friendly but not intimate as we are both in love with my boyfriend. After doing this for a year, I am happy but I wondering how to discuss things that in a way can seem awkward.

I want a future with my boyfriend but I don’t want him to leave the other guy and I’m hopes that one day we will all be kind of living together in some sense. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?
 
What is the awkward? :confused:

I suggest speaking plain, and keeping it simple.

First get an appointment to talk.

"Can all three of us talk after dinner on Friday?"

In private and not on a work nite. Once whatever time/place is set? Something like...

"So I wanted to talk about the future for this V. Not right this minute, but I was hoping over time we could build toward a future where one day we will all be living together in some sense. Is that something you would both be up for? What could that look like? If this is too soon to talk about future, when is a better time?"

Then brainstorm if they are each up for it. Or set new appointment if it needs to be later down.

Galagirl
 
For once I sort of disagree with Galagirl - yes, conversations need to be had with all three of you, but I for one would MUCH rather have this conversation in a one on one conversation with the person that you're actually involved with, first.

Come to think of it I'm not sure that my meta and partner and I actually HAD some big, formal conversation like this before she moved in - she and partner had been dating for years, I knew that she needed to find a new place to live so I told him that I'd be happy if she wanted to move in, they had several conversations (just the two of them), she and I had several conversations (just the two of us) and then it happened. (And is going 95% well, for what it's worth.)

For me, multi-person conversation on this type of thing is much more awkward, because different people have different relationships and I might phrase something one way with one person and differently with another - not that the practical outcome is different, but the context is different and the emotional content is different, and I don't, for instance, want to deal with emotional content relevant only to my partner with my meta there and (I presume) vice versa. She and I have *different* emotional conversations and context at a different time, that my partner isn't necessarily privy to the exact details of.
 
Could certainly go that approach too. Talk to the hinge first.

I was assuming that after a year of dating and since you are friendly with your meta that you all already have a method in place for how you communicate small stuff vs medium stuff vs big stuff.

Is that the awkward? There isn't a preferred communication method in this group yet? :confused:

If so, maybe sort that out first and shelve the "what about the future?" convo for a bit?

Galagirl
 
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Hello MHHIPDX,

It sounds like you are in a V, your boyfriend is the hinge, and you and his other partner are the legs of the V. If the legs become intimate with each other, then you would have a triad.

It sounds like you would eventually like to live with the other two, but that feels awkward to talk to them about. One approach you could consider is, talk to them about it via email, then schedule a time to talk with them in person about what you have written. If you have been with your boyfriend for almost a year, then this would be an appropriate time to talk about moving in.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you everyone for your quick replies. It’s nice to have a space to talk as most of my friends or family don’t understand.
 
Glad to hear it helps.
 
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