CuriousCathy
Member
I’ve been lurking here for years now. I’ve even started a blog on this site last year, before writing this intro, because I needed more time to make everything feel ok in my head.
Hi, I’m Cathy (hetero 41F), happily together with Edgar (hetero 46M) for 20+ years, 13 of them married, 2 children (the Beans). About 5 years ago I started to fall for my BF Heathcliff (bi 42M). We had all been friends for almost 20 years at that point, but we normally live several time zones apart.
Of the 5 years while the crush took hold, I spent the first 1-2years convinced that something is wrong with me. In the conservative mindset I was brought up to subscribe to, it was wrong to love two men simultaneously. After reading extensively and discovering the concepts of ethical monogamy and polyamory, I finally had some answers about myself. Being scrupulously honest, I told Edgar re: my crush on Heath. Somewhat surprisingly, Edgar took it extremely well and gave me a carte blanche to proceed however I saw fit.
It took another year for me to find the courage and the right time f2f to reveal to Heath that I love him in that way. With one of my key inner values being honesty, I could not continue to claim that we are “just good old friends” when every time Heath would touch me, it would send my skin, and then body, on fire.
I finally confessed last week and Heath is now taking time recalibrating our friendship in his head. I agree with his approach but the silence is very, very unnerving. We parted well afterwards. He was still tactile. He understood that my biggest fear was that I could lose his friendship. He said it’s impossible. And now I’m eating myself on the inside - what if he were wrong about the latter? What if this is insurmountable after all? What the f do I do??? I know I should have thought about it earlier and I honestly did. I don’t regret telling him. I just wish he were more communicative at this point in time and I am struggling to continue giving him space. Which is the right thing to do, of course. Aaaarrrgghhh!!!!!
Edgar is being extremely supportive. If nothing else this journey strengthened my nesting relationship, so none of this has been in vain. Which is probably why I finally felt ready for an introduction post now
Hi, I’m Cathy (hetero 41F), happily together with Edgar (hetero 46M) for 20+ years, 13 of them married, 2 children (the Beans). About 5 years ago I started to fall for my BF Heathcliff (bi 42M). We had all been friends for almost 20 years at that point, but we normally live several time zones apart.
Of the 5 years while the crush took hold, I spent the first 1-2years convinced that something is wrong with me. In the conservative mindset I was brought up to subscribe to, it was wrong to love two men simultaneously. After reading extensively and discovering the concepts of ethical monogamy and polyamory, I finally had some answers about myself. Being scrupulously honest, I told Edgar re: my crush on Heath. Somewhat surprisingly, Edgar took it extremely well and gave me a carte blanche to proceed however I saw fit.
It took another year for me to find the courage and the right time f2f to reveal to Heath that I love him in that way. With one of my key inner values being honesty, I could not continue to claim that we are “just good old friends” when every time Heath would touch me, it would send my skin, and then body, on fire.
I finally confessed last week and Heath is now taking time recalibrating our friendship in his head. I agree with his approach but the silence is very, very unnerving. We parted well afterwards. He was still tactile. He understood that my biggest fear was that I could lose his friendship. He said it’s impossible. And now I’m eating myself on the inside - what if he were wrong about the latter? What if this is insurmountable after all? What the f do I do??? I know I should have thought about it earlier and I honestly did. I don’t regret telling him. I just wish he were more communicative at this point in time and I am struggling to continue giving him space. Which is the right thing to do, of course. Aaaarrrgghhh!!!!!
Edgar is being extremely supportive. If nothing else this journey strengthened my nesting relationship, so none of this has been in vain. Which is probably why I finally felt ready for an introduction post now
