Benefits of being a Vee

C. Lyghts

New member
I'm looking forward to when I can find two confident, communicative, secure men to become a Vee to. Maintaining respectable boundaries and understanding is key.
Any advice from experienced Vees on benefits on being one in a MFM?
 

ref2018

Maid of All Work
Staff member
I'm not sure I understand what you are asking here. Do you mean that you are a woman and want to be with two men who are each exclusive with you? Or would these hypothetical men also be free to date others?
 

C. Lyghts

New member
Yes, I am a woman and I want to be with two men who are exclusively with me. But I'm also open to being a unicorn to the right couple and will be only exclusive with them only.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello C. Lyghts,

I am in an exclusive MFM Vee, if you have any questions for me feel free to ask. One of the advantages is that there are two men to keep a woman happy. If one man screws up, the other man can step up and fill the gap. Also the two men are friends with each other (in Kitchen Table Poly) and can support each other. Sometimes when the woman has a beef with one man, she can vent about it to the other man, and that other man can help put it in perspective from a man's point of view. These are just two of the benefits, there are many more.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 

RedBill

Member
I’m tryna put sumtin like this together myself. Only the opposite. Two females all to myself! Let’s compare notes. 😄

How did y’all Poly Vs round here form your relationships? I need a tutorial. 🤣
 

breathemusic

Active member
Sorry, but most people are going to just nope right out of that situation. There are sometimes folks who are willing to be monogamous to a partner when their partner is also dating someone else.... but most people are going to say "nah, if you get to have another partner then so do I, and you need to be willing to do the work to be ok with that."
 

Marcus

Well-known member
How did y’all Poly Vs round here form your relationships? I need a tutorial. 🤣

I have had a handful of "v" configuration relationships over the years, but none of them have been a "closed v", which I suspect is what you guys are talking about. When being non-monogamous and dating non-monogamous people, "v" configurations are going to just happen. According to how I measure relationships, a "closed v" has more in common with monogamy than non-monogamy. I think it would be gross to afford myself the right to live my life and date multiple people, while telling someone else that they can't.

Some will say that a "closed triad" is the solution to that, but that is even closer to monogamy to me, and therefor well outside of what I would tolerate or encourage.

In my world, configurations are a result of what the people involved in the association want in their lives, and any label put on it is purely descriptive. The only time I use a configuration label to describe a relationship that I have (or have had), it is only to use shorthand to quickly bring others up to speed with what I'm talking about.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
There’s def a handful of closed Vs on this website so it def seems possible.

I wasn't trying to make the point that it was impossible, just expressing my opinion on the topic. Wherever possible I only take part in autonomy based models because closed models just look like monogamy with even more rules.
 

C. Lyghts

New member
Hello C. Lyghts,

I am in an exclusive MFM Vee, if you have any questions for me feel free to ask. One of the advantages is that there are two men to keep a woman happy. If one man screws up, the other man can step up and fill the gap. Also the two men are friends with each other (in Kitchen Table Poly) and can support each other. Sometimes when the woman has a beef with one man, she can vent about it to the other man, and that other man can help put it in perspective from a man's point of view. These are just two of the benefits, there are many more.

Regards,
Kevin T.
Thanks for your kind response. I appreciate that perspective.
I believe another advantage is it's entirely possible for the female in a Vee (sorry I'm a newbie so my terminology may be choppy) can successfully keep both men sexually and emotionally satisfied. Ensuring their needs are met and appreciating and showing them that appreciation daily. It's a match made in heaven for all 😊
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I agree, MFM Vees tend to be very worthwhile.
 

Inaniel

Active member
From what I have observed; closed V's can occur in a variety of ways.

- Explicate agreements, rules, ect.

- Threat of duress. (You can see other people but I am going to become a jealous nightmare so it might not be worth it to you.)

- Poly/mono partnerships with high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem.

I think more people in closed Vs are in the middle option than will ever admit. There is an aspect of shame that accompanies manipulation; shame leads into the denial system.

I think the best way to form this type of relationship is to encourage partners to be true to themselves and let the chips fall where they may. As you are dating and encounter partners that create more metas than you are comfortable with, feel free to move on. Navigate the dating market until you find someone that naturally creates a balance that you are happy with...

When I began dating my partner Daisy I felt a lot of pressure to encourage her to date other people. She also felt that pressure internally; because that made it "fair"... Eventually it became clear that Daisy simply didn't want to date other people; she feels as though she is mono and is not comfortable engaging in additional partners (for a lot of her own reasons). She required freedom to experiment and encouragement to be true to herself in order to figure that out. Now the expectation is that her and I are in a Poly/mono dynamic, the important thing is it is her desire and expectation and not mine.

My other partner Bird feels saturated with the family at the moment and is still on the fence about her poly nature. She may or may not ever pursue additional partners. I basically feel the same way. Saturated...

I am in a peculiar situation where I am in an effectively closed V without being in an explicitly closed V. I would be lying if I tried to say I am not enjoying the attention of two women without the mindfuckery that comes with having a rotation of metas in my life...

My situation feels good. However, I do not think it would feel good if it was created under threat of duress, or rules that I bestowed on my partners... I fell into this situation by encouraging my partners to be true to themselves, and choosing partners who created a life I was comfortable with. It takes mental fortitude to overcome the concept of "fiar", and leaning into that concept can lead into all sorts of ugly. I tend to focus on whether everyone is meeting their personal goals and having their desires and needs met..

The question I ask myself is would I have entangled and cohabitated with partners who actively brought metas into my life? It is a rabbit hole. Would that situation have led to the amount of attention I desire? Would the stress have repelled me for other reasons? Why did partners with metas rotate out of my life and my current partners did not? I don't know the answers, I pursued polyamory fairly blind and have been piecing each decision back together in retrospect... Some decisions are more subconscious than not...

Regardless, as long as YOU are the one floating around until you land on a situation that suits you, and you are not demanding that other people fit into a box. I think it is a "fair" enough approach to relationships..
 

Dagferi

Active member
Yes I am in a closed MFM v.

But if either one of my husbands decided they wanted to have other partners I would be a hypocrite to demand them to stay monogamous.
 

C. Lyghts

New member
I hear ya and it'll be selfish to put that on them. Personally, I would prefer to remain mono in a V. Is "Butch" aware of you being v in a closed MFM?
 

Evie

Mod
I hear ya and it'll be selfish to put that on them. Personally, I would prefer to remain mono in a V. Is "Butch" aware of you being v in a closed MFM?
Why do you ask about Butch and not about Murf?

Does Butch have some greater standing in your eyes because of legal marriage and or relationship longevity?

And of course Butch and Murf know about each other, which you could surmise from Dagferi's signature and the 50/50 split of time.
 

Dagferi

Active member
I hear ya and it'll be selfish to put that on them. Personally, I would prefer to remain mono in a V. Is "Butch" aware of you being v in a closed MFM?
Of course. My husbands have met each other on several occasions.

Hell Butch fixed the boiler at Murf's house. And Murf helped Butch move to a new house.

I own separate property with both. I have separate retirement savings plans with both. Own pets with both. Have a will that protects both men. Both have durable power of attorney medically.
 
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C. Lyghts

New member
Why do you ask about Butch and not about Murf?

Does Butch have some greater standing in your eyes because of legal marriage and or relationship longevity?

And of course Butch and Murf know about each other, which you could surmise from Dagferi's signature and the 50/50 split of time.
Again, I'm new to this to excuse my ignorance and lack of knowledge of poly terms.
Neither Butch or Murf have greater standards in my eyes...I have no idea what a Murf is.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my query!
 

C. Lyghts

New member
Of course. My husbands have met each other on several occasions.

Hell Butch fixed the boiler at Murf's house. And Murf helped Butch move to a new house.

I own separate property with both. I have separate retirement savings plans with both. Own pets with both. Have a will that protects both men. Both have durable power of attorney medically.
Omg that's so amazing! I love it...thanks for sharing!
 
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