When our triad was running, my partners had both grown up with insecure fathers, which meant the expected range of grumbling & brooding that leaves a kid unsure if Dad's upset with them or just Life in general. By contrast, my Dad was generally a loud happy guy, ready with a joke or a story, & he literally knew most of the people in town & their family history, & I take after him (albeit a bit more laid-back.
)
Yet Anne & Thraicie thrived with me. I explained my bad moods so that they didn't feel responsible. I voiced my thoughts & encouraged them to follow suit. We'd play simple word-association games -- something I learned from my first lover -- which on the surface were just amusement (we could keep it going while cooking or cleaning or folding laundry or whatever) but actually revealed interesting quirks about ourselves that led to some interesting deep discussions. (We'd also slip in words from the other languages we knew, & have to explain our reasoning. It was like a verbal Rorschach.) We were always reading & learning, & presenting each other with salient points we discovered. Even after we went our separate ways, we'd socialize & fall right back into the "finishing each other's sentences" habit, & wind up laughing.
What I mean is that, yes,
it's possible, & IME it's
great.
But remember that we were living together, we were a triad rather than a vee, & we had a busy social schedule. As well, we were a nude household &, summer or winter, would be naked within ten minutes of getting home -- unintentionally a symbolic demonstration to each other of our willingness to be open & vulnerable to each other on all levels. We had all studied the functioning of religious cults, & really did steal some of the techniques -- oddly perhaps, we never "loved bombed" each other or anyone else; a common statement of affection was to smile & say "I like you" or "you make me happy" or some such. Our disagreements were heartfelt, brief, welcoming of emotional reaction but firmly grounded in logic, & settled easily -- as passionate about life & ourselves & each other as we were, we saw no need to carry resentment.
It's intense, it requires intensity to get there, & intensity to maintain. Oh, not
extreme pressure, but a low steady simmer.
Chances are that most of the people you meet won't have the skills -- most people are damaged. Many of them CAN be taught, can heal & quickly... though that would require someone with enough self-security & insight to teach them, right through the initial displays of fear & anger.
And I kinda get the feeling that, right now, you wouldn't want a "kit" but rather a "plug-&-play."
Nothing wrong with holding really high standards, of course, but it REALLY reduces the candidate pool.
The downside there, of course, is that those few with such requisite skills might feel much as do you, & would rather wait for someone with
their experience level, who could slot right in with no ramp-up period.
Besides, how would you
recognize the skill set? There's plenty of narcissists & sociopaths who can do a great job of faking it. If you (&/or your partner(s)) are already attracted enough to approach courtship, there's the risk that NRE will blind you to recognizing it as an act.
