I said a few months about a friend I'll call Hal:
I've known Hal close to a year now. We met on OkCupid, and I "friend-zoned" him after the first date. I just wasn't feeling him in my naughty places, though I liked him lots as a person. He was kind of new in town and didn't know many people outside his work, so I started bringing him to my go-to karaoke bar and a few other places, but I never even kissed him, except once, briefly, on New Year's Eve, and frankly, I felt nothing. But then, last week Hal followed me out of the karaoke bar and begged me for a kiss, and I gave in, both to shut him up and because I was curious, and hell if it wasn't nice. I've been reconsidering dating him.
Whether this reflects my changing priorities or my loneliness is open to debate. A couple of weeks ago, my best friend moved out of town, and of course, things between Arlo and I continue to feel complicated. After a disastrous weekend where a guy I'd thought was gold on OkCupid drove 6 hours to spend the weekend here, turning up nothing like his profile, I even hid my OkC profile and swore off dating.
To reiterate my not-dating, a bacterial infection--not an S.T.I., just an infection caused by too much swimming, exercise in tight clothes, humid climate, and stress--messed up my lady parts so badly sexual pleasure was out of the question. It took three rounds of antibiotics and copious amounts of probiotics to clear it, and in the meantime, no swimming or sex or jilling off with the showerhead.
Last night, my vajayjay finally feeling like it's sweet, tight self and ready to rock, I went home with Hal. Arlo is out of town visiting his parents--I'll have to ask him what it felt like to visit family without me for the first time in 17 years, as I'll have to go see mine this winter. Arlo recently moved into a house just a few blocks away from me with one of his best guy friends, who is recently divorced. It's been a bit disconcerting having my someday-ex husband so close. I feel like he rides his bike by the house sometimes and keeps tabs on me--actually, I think I've seen him do it.
I know it would kill Arlo to see me stumbling home with Hal, and I wouldn't want to put him through it. Hal's very nice apartment is next to Arlo's favorite bar, so that would have been another chance to get "caught" had Arlo been in town. I look forward to the day I feel like I can be fully, joyously open with my relationships. I really should get those divorce papers filled out. So much of Arlo's stuff is in my house, and he still introduces me to new people as "my wife." I wish he'd just introduce me by my name, but he'd be so hurt if I told him that.
Anyway, last night a friend gave me a THC pill and it felt lovely. A mostly-gay guy I've known for years offered to take both Hal and I home, we politely declined (Hal considers himself "heteroflexible," though he hasn't had much experience with men) and we left together.
Hal has always been very open with his feelings for me, so I felt very desired, and I trust him not to harm me. His cock is everything a cock should be, thick and hard and full of stamina. I just wish he didn't talk so much. Hal is very into talking about his feelings, he just picks the worst times to do it.
He gave me something I needed last night, that passionate, one-on-one connection, and to have someone really enjoy my body. He made me feel very sexy. Today I feel oceans more relaxed and content than I have for months. I asked Hal not to contact me for a few days, that I needed time to process, but that sometime soon I'd like to go for dinner. I don't have super-lusty or romantic feelings towards Hal, but I like and trust him and we usually have a nice time together. I don't want to hurt him by not returning his feelings, nor do I want to hurt Arlo, so I feel like I need to go slow and promise nothing to no one.
I wish I could feel attracted to him, but I'm just not, and I've been very clear about that. I think the problem, for me, is that he's very insecure, and honestly, in a male right now I'm looking for some serious sexual swagger.
I've known Hal close to a year now. We met on OkCupid, and I "friend-zoned" him after the first date. I just wasn't feeling him in my naughty places, though I liked him lots as a person. He was kind of new in town and didn't know many people outside his work, so I started bringing him to my go-to karaoke bar and a few other places, but I never even kissed him, except once, briefly, on New Year's Eve, and frankly, I felt nothing. But then, last week Hal followed me out of the karaoke bar and begged me for a kiss, and I gave in, both to shut him up and because I was curious, and hell if it wasn't nice. I've been reconsidering dating him.
Whether this reflects my changing priorities or my loneliness is open to debate. A couple of weeks ago, my best friend moved out of town, and of course, things between Arlo and I continue to feel complicated. After a disastrous weekend where a guy I'd thought was gold on OkCupid drove 6 hours to spend the weekend here, turning up nothing like his profile, I even hid my OkC profile and swore off dating.
To reiterate my not-dating, a bacterial infection--not an S.T.I., just an infection caused by too much swimming, exercise in tight clothes, humid climate, and stress--messed up my lady parts so badly sexual pleasure was out of the question. It took three rounds of antibiotics and copious amounts of probiotics to clear it, and in the meantime, no swimming or sex or jilling off with the showerhead.
Last night, my vajayjay finally feeling like it's sweet, tight self and ready to rock, I went home with Hal. Arlo is out of town visiting his parents--I'll have to ask him what it felt like to visit family without me for the first time in 17 years, as I'll have to go see mine this winter. Arlo recently moved into a house just a few blocks away from me with one of his best guy friends, who is recently divorced. It's been a bit disconcerting having my someday-ex husband so close. I feel like he rides his bike by the house sometimes and keeps tabs on me--actually, I think I've seen him do it.
I know it would kill Arlo to see me stumbling home with Hal, and I wouldn't want to put him through it. Hal's very nice apartment is next to Arlo's favorite bar, so that would have been another chance to get "caught" had Arlo been in town. I look forward to the day I feel like I can be fully, joyously open with my relationships. I really should get those divorce papers filled out. So much of Arlo's stuff is in my house, and he still introduces me to new people as "my wife." I wish he'd just introduce me by my name, but he'd be so hurt if I told him that.
Anyway, last night a friend gave me a THC pill and it felt lovely. A mostly-gay guy I've known for years offered to take both Hal and I home, we politely declined (Hal considers himself "heteroflexible," though he hasn't had much experience with men) and we left together.
Hal has always been very open with his feelings for me, so I felt very desired, and I trust him not to harm me. His cock is everything a cock should be, thick and hard and full of stamina. I just wish he didn't talk so much. Hal is very into talking about his feelings, he just picks the worst times to do it.
He gave me something I needed last night, that passionate, one-on-one connection, and to have someone really enjoy my body. He made me feel very sexy. Today I feel oceans more relaxed and content than I have for months. I asked Hal not to contact me for a few days, that I needed time to process, but that sometime soon I'd like to go for dinner. I don't have super-lusty or romantic feelings towards Hal, but I like and trust him and we usually have a nice time together. I don't want to hurt him by not returning his feelings, nor do I want to hurt Arlo, so I feel like I need to go slow and promise nothing to no one.