Changes in our relationship since she got pregnant

*hugs*

Patience can have its rewards. I hope it does for you!
 
:) Thanx, Magdlyn. I can only hope so. My way of dealing with it all this weekend has been attempting to drown in school work. It hasn't actually worked as I wanted, since I am actually putting too much effort into one item at the moment, and past a deadline I gave myself. But it helps some, as do these boards, actually. And now I'm off to class.
 
I just got off the phone with Bek. The conversation didn't leave the best feeling in my stomach, really. She went and hung with one of her very good friends, who actually knows the situation, and apparently they talked. When someone tells you that, you won't want to know what is your reaction? The hell I don't. So we talked.

I realized a couple things while we talked. One is in another post in the general section. But the other one was that she doesn’t really let go of past issues after discussing them, in turn, never giving little chance to be righted, because the suspicion is there that won't be the case. (Skeptical.)

I admitted to things I know I could do better, but I also told her that I cant really show you that I'm making the effort at them if you can't see it. The distance. And mind you, when this break started, my last visit was a good one for both of us, per her words. But now we are back on past issues, leaving me again confused and feeling, hell, I don't know what, at the moment.

This talk left me pretty upset, especially how it ended. So I'm back to not knowing what to do, and being an emotional wreck, as well as wishing I knew the possible outcome.
 
One more correspondence with Bekthis morning, which led me to believe that my relationship as it was is done. I am honestly at a loss of words. She is now convinced I lied to her, or used her to be with Bree. Honestly, I'm kinda floored. That isn't and never was the case. That is something I would NEVER do. It's just not right.

Reading what she wrote me today hurt like hell and made me furious, because it showed that whatever efforts I made were not good enough for the expectations she had. My relationship with Bree has always been different, in that our deep friendship and connections there were behind it. I see now that was a problem. I'm kind of at a loss, wondering what I could have (in her eyes) done about that.

I did what I thought best at the time, and still do, and worked not only on the relationship aspect with Bek, but also building that friendship, because that is what was and still is most important to me. I know we could/can have an amazing friendship. But now I am worried that if Bek and I do have a fallout, that my friendship with Bree, who is my best friend, may also be in jeopardy, and that is a thought that kinda kills me.

I shot Bree a msg asking if I could talk to her later. But now I don;t know what to say. I don't want to lose either of them. I don't want to miss any of the boy's life, that hasn't really begun yet, and yet I fear both may happen.

I am sorry to vent so much on here, but I know there are ppl here who can really understand the situation from all sides.
 
I know this is probably a scary step, but what if you let them read this thread? At the very least it would show both of them that you're sincere and blindsided by this. And what do you have to lose via radical honesty right now, anyway, really?

I'm sorry about this turn of events. I really am. :(
 
I think you can tell her everything you wrote here, just direct it to her. It's very clear.

mekodesu said:
one more correspondence with B this morning which leads me to believe that my relatinship as it was is done. and i am honestly at a loss of words because she is now convinced i lied to her or used her to be with bg... honestly im kinda floored because that isnt and never was the case and that is something i would NEVER do, its just not right.

reading what she wrote me today hurt like hell and made me furious because it showed that whatever efforts i made were not good enough for the expectations she had. my relationship with bg has always been different in that our deep friendship and connections there were behind it and i see now that was a problem, im kind of at a loss as to wondering what i could have (in her eyes) done about that?

i did what i thought best at the time and still do and worked not only on the relationship aspect with b but also building that friendship becasue that is what was and still is most important to me and i know we could/can have an amazing friendship, but now i am worried that if b and i do have a fall out that my friendship with bg who is my best friend may also be in jeopardy and that is a thought that kinda kills me some.

i shot bg a msg asking if i can talk to her later but now i dont know what to say, i dont want to lose either of them in my life and i dont want to miss any of the boys life that hasnt really begun yet, and yet i fear both may happen.

i am sorry to vent so much on here, but i know that here is where there are ppl who can really understand the situation from all sides.
Click to expand...
 
I talked to Bree a little when I got out of class. I told her I almost messaged back. I said never mind, and the only reason I didn't is because I needed to talk to my best friend, not my gf, wife, or whatever. It was a good talk, the kind I missed having with her. The reason I talked to her is because she has this amazing ability to not take sides on stuff like this, when it's needed. She understands, sees both sides of it, listens, and is honest, no matter what.

She told me a couple things I didn't realise I do when it comes to certain situations, like shutting down, or disappearing for a day or two. (Distance makes this easy. My last relationship also has a hand in why I do that, but that's a whole other story.)

I messaged Bek, and asked her to talk when she is ready, saying that I won't push it or force her to, but when she is ready I will be.

What's most important is that I don't start feeling attacked (or have the thought, because then it gets stuck) because then I get defensive, and I don't have a reason to be.

So now I'm waiting to see.

Bek actually just messaged me back while I'm writing this, but honestly, I'm kinda scared to read it. If she does decide she wants to talk I can't be anything but honest with her. That's all I've ever been, because it matters to me and it's important.

Maybe one of these days I will show them these posts. They know the boards are here. I showed them. But I'm the only one who really gets on here.
 
I'm beginning to think I'm doing weekly updates. lol

I talked to Bek again today, NOT over text (thank god!). The conversation went well. She got a lot off of her chest and I didn't get defensive. It was good. (She also caught me first thing in the morning.) She said there were things that she had held in, as to avoid fights on my visits home, and from there things escalated emotionally for her, feeling left out of things. I told her I don't want her to do that, and that we shouldn't do that anymore.

I also told her that i could and will do a better job at letting her know how much she means to me and how i appreciate her in my life, which i dont think that i have done as well as i should have in the past.

I also told her that while i felt a lot better after our talk i wont think that things are better because at times when i do (and dont hear feedback to state otherwise) then i think everything is fine... basically i will always be making sure i am doing what i need to to make her feel anything how she was. COMMUNICATION lol sometimes we let it slip i guess without realizing when we start getting super stressed and caught up in life.

We talked some about the distance too, and how that sux. i think we would have less issues without it but ya know. so i think we are back to working and seeing what happens post after baby

So at the moment feeling better about more than i was.

And now, homework, because the semester is almost over.
 
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