After four years of supposedly happy and monogamous marriage my marriage fell on some hard times. I fell into a particularly bad depression that I could not seem to combat. My husband did not know how to help me and began to feel helpless.
Rather than talk to me about any of this, he began sneaking out at night while I was sleeping to have sex with random women he met online. This went on for a few months when he reconnected with an old friend he had met online in highschool that he had always wished he could be with. Long story short he travels across the country on "business" to spend several days with her. They supposedly rekindled their love and began to make plans for a future - one without me.
Several more months go by and I finally realize I need to get out of my depression because it is hurting him. Two weeks after I completely redirect my life - on my birthday no less - he admits to having cheated after I pressure him to be completely honest with me. He claims to still love me and want to be with me, but that he also loves and wants her.
I don't really have any issue with the idea of polyamory, it appeals to me to some extent. But I can not and WILL NOT accept the idiot he cheated with. Beyond the fact that he lied, cheated, and conspired to replace me with this woman, I do not believe the two of them have a healthy relationship. He has been fantasizing about being with her since highschool, frankly not even trying to get over her. By his own admission she is immature, unreliable, and frankly crazier than I am (which is seriously saying something).
Am I wrong to refuse to have her remain in his life, even if they could just be friends? I cannot be certain, but I believe I could accept having an open relationship with anyone else, except for her. Hell, I don't even know if he's truly poly and its not just another aspect of his midlife crisis. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Rather than talk to me about any of this, he began sneaking out at night while I was sleeping to have sex with random women he met online. This went on for a few months when he reconnected with an old friend he had met online in highschool that he had always wished he could be with. Long story short he travels across the country on "business" to spend several days with her. They supposedly rekindled their love and began to make plans for a future - one without me.
Several more months go by and I finally realize I need to get out of my depression because it is hurting him. Two weeks after I completely redirect my life - on my birthday no less - he admits to having cheated after I pressure him to be completely honest with me. He claims to still love me and want to be with me, but that he also loves and wants her.
I don't really have any issue with the idea of polyamory, it appeals to me to some extent. But I can not and WILL NOT accept the idiot he cheated with. Beyond the fact that he lied, cheated, and conspired to replace me with this woman, I do not believe the two of them have a healthy relationship. He has been fantasizing about being with her since highschool, frankly not even trying to get over her. By his own admission she is immature, unreliable, and frankly crazier than I am (which is seriously saying something).
Am I wrong to refuse to have her remain in his life, even if they could just be friends? I cannot be certain, but I believe I could accept having an open relationship with anyone else, except for her. Hell, I don't even know if he's truly poly and its not just another aspect of his midlife crisis. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.