Complicated much? *Long post"

D

Dustytx

Member
So I've been married for 12 years & with my husband for 17 total years. Much of that time I've felt like I wasn't true to myself as I endeavoured to be a "good wife." After much discussion over at least a 4 year period we both agreed that it was time to open our marriage. Now I have no doubt that my husband views himself as monogamous but he views me as poly.
I started a relationship with a lover back in April. At first my husband really didn't want to meet him but because my lover & I wanted to spend a weekend away together we agreed it was time for our spouses to meet. I've been friends with my lover & his wife since this relationship began.
At this point all four of us have been out together & we enjoy each other's company. My husband was actually hanging out with his wife while we were away. I should mention that my lover & his wife are swingers & have been for years. My lover & I have feelings for one another & we have great times together. He & I are very much alike & our spouses are like each other as well. We don't refer to each other as more than friends in public but our spouses refer to us as bf/gf & she introduced me to a friend of theirs in that manner. I am not threatened by his relationship with his wife nor is he threatened by my relationship with my husband. We are both thankful that they allow us to have our own relationship in the form that it is taking. I'm not threatened by his swinging & we both agree that anything sexual with 3rd parties is fine as we are being true to ourselves. It appears that our spouses feel at the very least a close friendship & perhaps more may develop between them which we are fine with.

It seems like a complicated dynamic but DH is much more at ease & is working through his jealousy since he has met them. The four of us have a weekend away planned together this week.
My lover & I agree that the reason we enjoy each other so much is because we don't have the day to day worries of a married couple affecting our relationship. DH has certainly reaped the benefit of my refound sexuality & is happy that I am so happy. I believe lover & I are still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship & I don't know what the final version will be.
I'm just wondering if anyone out there is a poly swinger or if anyone else has been involved in a similar situation.
 
Dustytx said:
I'm just wondering if anyone out there is a poly swinger .....
Click to expand...

There are oodles of "poly swingers" if by that you mean people who are open to both romantic and non-romantic sexual relationships. I sure am and I'd venture to say that many people in this forum community are open to that, as well. I've been married for 16 years and am poly with a mono husband.

Welcome :)
 
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Welcome Dustytx,
It sure sounds like you've got a good thing going on. Because of your thread's title, I was reading your post anticipating coming across some sort of complicated problem, and was relieved when there wasn't any!

Yes, we have quite a number of members here who swing or have more casual types of relationships, in addition to their more loving types of polyamorous arrangements. You might not hear from many of them right away, due to the nature of an international forum like this, but they're out there!
 
Thank you for the encouraging responses thus far. I believe this is a good thing but it does seem very complicated to me lol. I'm glad to have found others who understand where I am at this stage of my life. Everything is so new right now.
 
Hi there! I identify slightly more on the mono end of the spectrum in terms of how I relate to others emotionally (I seem best able to focus on one romantic relationship at a time), but I very much enjoy exploring the more casual/friendship-based sexual relationships that being in an open relationship with my life partner affords me. She does too. If either one of us does fall in love with someone we are seeing, that's not a problem in any way - we will just roll with it, and are both open to it if it does happen. I don't go into every new relationship with the expectation of falling in love. Nor do I go into it with the expectation that I won't/can't/shouldn't. People can connect at all kinds of different levels with one another, and I think most poly people get that at an intuitive level. I feel very welcome in the community and on this forum. I'm sure you will too! :)
 
Hi Dustytx,

It's nice to hear of the positive relationships you have. There's definitely an overlap between poly and swing, and people can have both emotionally intimate relationships, and strictly physical sexual arrangements with others as well. There's mmkeekah for example, that's one I know of for sure, but I'm also sure there are many others.

Anyway I'm glad you could share your story with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I just wanted to follow up on this thread. Things are going great. The 4 of us are going camping for the weekend. Hubby & I guess I'll call her meta are great friends with benefits at this point. Lover & I had a weekend to ourselves week before last. The others had dinner & a sleep over.

I never would have imagined myself in relationships like this. Not to say that there haven't been a few bumps in the road as we negotiate boundaries but overall an extremely positive experience.
 
Yay! Super happy for you all.

Arohanui
Evie
 
I'm so happy to hear that things are going well!
 
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