LilBabyKitty
New member
My wife and I are considering polyamory, but we both know there are some issues to work out first. In February, she began working out daily with our mutual friend, who now loves and appreciates both of us. After a few months, it was clear that she had become attached to him and their relationship became intrusive as there was constant texting through the night, and she had started resenting our marriage because it meant she couldn’t be with him. She has been very co-dependent with both of us, and it finally came to a head in July when I confronted her about it, and she shut down and then insisted on a separation to work out our co-dependency issues. We have all had limited contact with each other ever since.
My wife was very deceitful through the course of this, always insisting there were no romantic feelings for him. However, after we separated, she confessed that she was in love with him and no longer had romantic feelings for me as a result of having sex with me out of co-dependence, while being shamefully and secretly in love with another. I never berated her or belittled her for having these feelings, I just wanted to find a way to work things out.
She hinted at wanting an open marriage at one point half-way through, but insisted it would be 10-20 years down the road, because she couldn’t see being with just me for the rest of her life. Recently, we have touched on the subject, but we know there are many issues we have to work out in our own relationship first, like recovering from co-dependence and rebuilding trust between each other. I am thinking that we should focus on re-connecting first, with quality time together, which we had lapsed on during the length of her working out with her friend.
Just to give some more facts, we have a 6-year old daughter and I have two other daughters that I get on weekends. This may complicate things a little.
She has stated that she wishes she could be married to both of us. I don’t want to suggest polyamory as a way to fix our marriage, I would rather establish that we still have romantic feelings for each other and rebuild our trust. Once that is established, we may consider adding him to our relationship. I have read a few books on polyamory, and realize there are some pitfalls here. Some feedback would be greatly appreciated!
My wife was very deceitful through the course of this, always insisting there were no romantic feelings for him. However, after we separated, she confessed that she was in love with him and no longer had romantic feelings for me as a result of having sex with me out of co-dependence, while being shamefully and secretly in love with another. I never berated her or belittled her for having these feelings, I just wanted to find a way to work things out.
She hinted at wanting an open marriage at one point half-way through, but insisted it would be 10-20 years down the road, because she couldn’t see being with just me for the rest of her life. Recently, we have touched on the subject, but we know there are many issues we have to work out in our own relationship first, like recovering from co-dependence and rebuilding trust between each other. I am thinking that we should focus on re-connecting first, with quality time together, which we had lapsed on during the length of her working out with her friend.
Just to give some more facts, we have a 6-year old daughter and I have two other daughters that I get on weekends. This may complicate things a little.
She has stated that she wishes she could be married to both of us. I don’t want to suggest polyamory as a way to fix our marriage, I would rather establish that we still have romantic feelings for each other and rebuild our trust. Once that is established, we may consider adding him to our relationship. I have read a few books on polyamory, and realize there are some pitfalls here. Some feedback would be greatly appreciated!
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