Control your anxiety

Isaiah990

Member
When you're in a relationship, you gotta control your anxiety and not try to control your partner out of jealousy. When i was still with my ex, she talked to another guy who was her best friend. I got really anxious and paranoid she was gonna cheat. I never asked her to stop talking to other guys, never had an outburst with her about it, never accused her of anything, never asked for her social media, etc. I only casually asked if she had a crush on another guy and never talked about it again. Guy found out we were together and surprisingly, he seemed hurt lol. He said "i am..." and she said "bitter lol." I realized all the thoughts i had about not being good enough, her liking that guy, cheating, lying, etc. was all in my head. Once you have an outburst or control your partner out of jealousy, you create unhappiness and increase the chances of a break up.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Fear of losing one's partner, is often the driving force behind trying to control/micromanage one's partner. It's a twisted situation that often becomes the very thing that drives one's partner away.
 

Isaiah990

Member
Fear of losing one's partner, is often the driving force behind trying to control/micromanage one's partner. It's a twisted situation that often becomes the very thing that drives one's partner away.
Right, that's why so many relationships end. That's why my last relationship ended. My partner was extremely anxious and controlling. She constantly expected me to call her instead of my friends, suspected me of cheating, accused me of things I didn't do, etc. It was a nightmare. In her quest to keep me, she ended up losing me with her controlling behavior. When you're anxious, you lose empathy for people.
 

Token2

Member
My anxiety seems to be tied into uncertainty (lack of control) and an in-built belief pattern that loves hurts - ie to love however pleasurable is just setting us up for loss.

I'm working on it.
 

Isaiah990

Member
My anxiety seems to be tied into uncertainty (lack of control) and an in-built belief pattern that loves hurts - ie to love however pleasurable is just setting us up for loss.

I'm working on it.
You need to change your belief patterns. Love is not supposed to hurt. It's supposed to serve your best interests as well as your partner's or partners'. If your partner doesn't care for your well-being, the relationship is not built on love.
 

UNICORN324

New member
so this makes sense even tho we are open and my partner is going having sex it its my jealously because i am anxious of losing them i kind of came to that conclusion and this helps being in to reality
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member

Isaiah990

Member
so this makes sense even tho we are open and my partner is going having sex it its my jealously because i am anxious of losing them i kind of came to that conclusion and this helps being in to reality
It's most likely because you had unmet needs from childhood like emotional validation, praise for your accomplishments, emotional neglect, physical or emotional safety, etc. It helps to do the following.

Figure out the root cause of your anxiety. Your emotions will guide you to the source of your fears and pain.

Ask yourself questions - we tend to have irrational fears. Ask yourself questions such as what are you afraid of? Why?

Talk to your partner - Talking to your partner about your feelings and getting his support can help you deal with jealousy. Try to see things from his view.

Practice self love - Find reasons why someone would want to stay with you. Make a list of good things you like about yourself.

Embrace your feelings - last, embrace your emotions. Don't try to resist them. They're trying to tell you something about yourself. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. The more you feel them, the less power they have over you.
 
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