Dazed and Confused

Update on all this: my wife's been on a couple more dates this week. One went well. One was blah. Both dates left her feeling anxious like she'd rather just be on a date with me. Both her dates also talked about their other lovers and how dating impacts them and dealing with jealousy in both directions.

It seems like this left her with a feeling like "the juice isn't worth the squeeze" that she doesn't want to change the way our relationship works so that she can date others.

My suspicion is that neither of us is really polyamorous. We're not really willing to pay the prices you have to pay to have multiple relationships. Poly seems great on paper, but it comes at the cost of totally upending what you have if you're starting as a basically happily codependent couple.

This make me think that what we're looking for next is more of a swinging sort of thing that we do together.
 
People have been pointing out that I should be dating too. I think I understood that. But I really wanted to let her explore this thing about herself before I really jumped in the deep end myself. And I'm glad I didn't get in to deep with anyone before we figured these things out.
 
Hi Anarion,

Thanks for that update. It sounds like you and your wife have learned that you are both best-suited for monogamy (with some swinging). It's one thing to fall in love with someone, it's a whole other thing to start dating them. It's good that experimenting with poly has given you and your wife a new appreciation for each other.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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