Dealing with jealously in a long distance relationship

G

Guest88

New member
Evening all,

New here and I'm just trying to find some advice.

Recently my wife started a relationship. We had tossed around polyamory for awhile and talked about it a lot. Then, she found herself falling for another man and after talking to me about it over the span of a few weeks I gave her my okay. Around the same time I took a job across country. The two of us are used to long distance (I was Army and later did a year long contract in Iraq), but this time it feels different. I'm normally not jealous, but the distance and how hard she has fallen for this other man has broken the dam. I feel absolutely jealous. I feel hurt. I feel lonely and I honestly am having a lot of trouble dealing with the whole thing.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to deal with this whole thing. I don't want to ruin what she has with him or what we have by turning into a jealous, emotional prick.
 
I get it. He is there and you are not. You are worried they will grow together and you will grow apart. I was in a similar situation. Three things helped me.

First I identified that my feelings of jealousy were caused by my own insecurities.You have to own that.

Then I realized my wife loved me and had no intention of replacing me. I also realized she had some of the same insecurities.

What really helped me realize all this was getting a partner of my own. My love for my wife didn't diminish because I had someone else. I reasoned, why would hers?
 
Hi Guest88,

Generally the thing to do with jealousy is to analyze it. Try to dig down to the root cause/s of it. How do you feel when you're jealous? Mad? Sad? Afraid? What scares you? What's the worst that could happen? These are the kinds of things you want to ask yourself. After that you can figure out what if anything can be done to reduce the jealousy. And sometimes there isn't anything you can do. Sometimes there's a good reason why you're jealous. It happens.

We'll try to help on this forum as well.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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