Kevin, I've never got the impression that you guys are "closeted" in the way I use the term. You just seem too mellow to be living in "that siege mentality of fear/shame" that I mentioned.
I've never gone out of my way to push my (for lack of a better word) lifestyle into others' faces; that "anti-proselytizing" thing again.
If they see me out with one lover on Sunday & another on Thursday, they're free to make of it what they will -- which of course, they WILL, no matter what.
If they ask (or make some snarky comment), I might briefly say I'm nonmonogamous, & sometimes suggest they chat with my OSO if they feel "concerned." The few who want to know more might receive a more complete understanding.
There's a rather large chunk of turf between "skulking in the shadows" & "banner waving" (or "doing jumping-jacks in an open kimono" as Scott Adams once said
) I won't respect the false dichotomy.
I can see the utility of defining
ethical nonmonogamy, not drastically unlike my use of
responsible nonmonogamy, in order to distance what we were doing from affairs & cheating, & maybe "open relationships" as well -- after all, there's "sexually open" DADT as opposed to allover openness where we communicated freely amongst ourselves about our other partners.
But "ethical polyamory" instantly begs the question
what does that exclude? I've rarely seen that necessary question addressed, much less answered, yet the damnable term persists. What would "unethical polyamory" look like? If it's not ethical, how is it "polyamory" by ANY sensible definition? I certainly won't dogpile on "unicorn hunters" here.
Incidentally, Veaux is NOT God.
I tend to stay away from "ethics" because I believe in
morals. Morality is an ideal to be constantly approached (much like polyamory
), ethics is RULES handed down from some Authority, with penalties & punishments (implied or explicit). A discussion for another day.
As for definitions, again I get the impression that even questioning "The Definitions" is instantly held up as my trying to impose MY "definition" upon others. Logically, this does NOT scan nor rhyme.
As I detest suspense, I might have to sit down & actually make up a definition.
whether notice is or is not required is something that differs among the various groups.
What are these "groups" of which you speak?
it's not a requirement for just "polyamory"... one word, defined as "loving many".
So, now you NEED to define "loving."
I've never felt a need to know every little thing my various partners are up to when we're not physically together. Sure, if something is going to interfere with our time together or our relationship, I much prefer to be at least informed, if not brought into the conversation... but that's hardly limited to sex or "love" or whatever!! If someone's considering a different job, or taking night classes, or moving to another city, such things are plenty important to our relationship, but nobody's running around insisting they HAVE TO tell me OR they don't
really care about me.