Hi Amitola,
It sounds like you and your husband have some incompatible issues. He is not talking to you, you would like him to talk to you. He wants a triad, you do not want a triad. He is a man, you are a lesbian. All of this adds up to a need to part ways. I think you have realized this, and are trying to make preparations.
Sorry you find yourself caught in this difficult situation; I hope you find a way to work things out. I know you don't want to hurt your husband. I hope he realizes that some things are incompatible.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.