Discord?

Bariah

Member
Hello,

We should get a discord together. Core groups that are inclusive, like the ones here on this network, deserve to have fuller and richer convos. I’ve talked to more people I don’t know on this site than others and in a way that is more reflective of my internal self. I would like to open this up for discussion.

I don’t know if this has been tried before by this group and if it has I’d like to hear about the experience. I see that there could be certain pitfalls that would naturally beset our work to host such a server but those pitfalls could end up bringing healthier community together just as much as it could be problematic. I see success boiling down to administration and content moderation, which I’m sure the admins here could speak to if they were so inclined.

I think, speaking to the positives, we could firmly see more real community relationships form in ways that touch more people, and to those ends I think it is worth bringing to life. On top of that, it would allow a more metered way to build groups actively voicing ways they’d like to share. Many of us joined because we want to find partners, and while that is difficult to do here, it doesn’t mean we can’t be supportive of that in the community in new ways that would allow that voice to see a more dynamic strength to be established with one another.

Other Poly communities fall apart because of poor structuring and lack of interest. It could be the case that we could build a better version of those communities due to our small but devoted group of regulars and see growth from that core group.

Thoughts?
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Hiya

This community is over 11 years old. Discord didn't exist, at least in it's popular form, that long ago so I am guessing our founder, now generous benefactor didn't even consider it.

You're new here. You may see things that others don't, and vice versa.

But, in short, there's nothing stopping you from doing that and posting it here. Do I (mod hat on) agree with calling it the polyamory.com discord server? I can't quite be quite so sure because our actual owner isn't here to say yea or nay. I'd be comfortable if you called it "affiliated to" but not the official channel of, and limited your promotion to known poly friendly spaces.

We don't get a lot of haters here and I don't want to attract them, but I also recognise that social media is evolving and it would be cool to have live conversation somewhere if possible. Other people have come in and said let's do a Zoom and we've said, "sure, make it happen" but no-one ever has.

One of the strengths of polyamory.com is that it isn't fast paced. It's a message board in the classical digital sense. People take time to formulate their replies and they are often quite long and well thought out and incredibly useful. I'd be disappointed if an affiliated Discord server reduced the public messages here. We are a wealth of information and have experienced and expert members who try to help people who post here.

Can we grow? Of course. Would that involve Discord? Possibly. We can't stop you from trying, I just ask that you spend a bit longer getting familiar with what this actually is before actively working to evolve it.

Kia ora
Evie
(With her mod hat on but other mods may weigh in with their opinions, as may regulars and newer members. This is in no way a full and final message, just my view as a mod.)
 

Bariah

Member
Absolutely. I’m in no rush. This is the exact response I was looking for. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t want to do anything discord related unless it was done as an extension of this community. Otherwise I’d just be making another spun-off, deserted poly discord. There’s too many of those already. Discord groups are fragile and need the health and moderation of the community. Without full support and a plan for people to play some kind of active part that discord community, it would devolve very quickly and become a ghost town.

I’m hoping that this thread will become a basis for furthering the conversation in time, but as I mentioned, I’m just not willing to spend the time or energy if the community here is not consensually on board with the idea of adopting another outlet for community. What would make a Polyamory.com community outlet on discord strong would be our collective interest and investment in the idea. Again, I’m in no rush and really just more interested in a conversation about wether it’s something people are interested in - I’m driving no agenda.

As far as taking away from the community on here, I believe the opposite would happen. The difference in the kinds of networking that can be found here vs on discord are too great to see a decrease in membership and sharing on the forum, where longform content is shared and discussed. The benefit to a discord server is it’s conversational, real time, and people can actually incorporate more actively into one another’s lives. Those different functions keep strong boundaries between what can and can’t realistically be shared on either network (longform vs real-time), and in my eyes would add a lot of value to both networks.

Generally speaking, I think anyone would be hard pressed to see a social network gain as much traction as polyamory.com for polyamory based topics and conversation, and so it doesn’t make sense for anyone to actually go out and do something solo. The core groundwork on making a thriving community is done here, and it’s easy to see that without community things can become spun out quickly and it’s something that people pick up on right away - it’s immediately apparent if a community is deserted. What’s unique about this opportunity is that it offers the chance to extend an already thriving and social core user base and give individuals the opportunity to get closer and IMO, that kind of community isn’t something you find on the internet often and it’s conversation around that point, I think, which should be the one that drives further interest and group conversation.
 
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TXretired

Active member
For me, I am out of the loop on social media. When I read discord, I had to look it up. Never heard of it. I just keep in my shell and get on here. No Facebook, no discord, etc. just a nice quiet Poly.com. 😄
 

ref2018

Maid of All Work
Staff member
I use Discord for work, and it serves its purpose for us because my team sometimes needs to get each others' attention quickly and efficiently, and Discord seems to be the most effective way of accomplishing that so far. We can also have audio and video conferences without needing to go through the whole Zoom-link-meeting rigamarole. Personally, however, I have no use for it as a "social" outlet. We do have a "water-cooler" type chat room, but that's mostly for ranting about difficult customers. Other than that, I just get in there and do what I need to do and get out. So I have nothing against this idea for other people, but these are the reasons why it would not be of interest to me.
 

Bariah

Member
To be fair, many discord servers are a bit…not great. The potential for things to go south is…
We do have a "water-cooler" type chat room, but that's mostly for ranting about difficult customers. Other than that, I just get in there and do what I need to do and get out.
Much like this. If that’s all the server would be then it isn’t worth it.

That said, it could not be this way if planned for. The opportunity for the outlet to be used as a water-cooler style chatroom could prove to be a welcome way for people to be more engaged and if approached correctly could protect people who would be interested in developing deeper relationships where more day to day things could be shared.
 
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kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Bariah,

I am thinking that I would be unlikely to use a discord service (much if at all), as generally speaking I'm not a fan of live interaction. Now that's not to say that a discord couldn't grow on me, it's within the realm of extreme possibilities.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 

ref2018

Maid of All Work
Staff member
That said, it could not be this way if planned for. The opportunity for the outlet to be used as a water-cooler style chatroom could prove to be a welcome way for people to be more engaged and if approached correctly could protect people who would be interested in developing deeper relationships where more day to day things could be shared.
Be the change you want to see, I guess. It doesn't cost anything except your time.
 

Bariah

Member
Yeah, I think it would be worth it, but I really do want to go about planning it out and I can't be the only one doing it. If the interest isn't here then the convo is going to be put to sleep for a bit but what I think would be better would be to rethink an approach which would be more appealing, even to the people who said they wouldn't be interested in this thread, of course with no disrespect.

Personally, I think this community deserves a healthy outlet where people can act as more fluid parts of community member's lives. As I'm sure the people here are aware, that's a difficult thing to maintain and ensure that it's healthy. That's where planning comes in.

Would anyone in this thread be interested or willing to further a conversation on how to plan such a framework to act as an extension of this community?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I wouldn't be overly excited about using a discord service; however if you want help planning one, I would be willing to help plan. Mind you I don't have much technical knowledge, and discord is a super new concept for me.
 
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