I'm afraid you'll really need to be at least somewhat specific about your situation
I do sincerely apologize. I have been calling all my decisions that lead up to me transitioning into polyamory. Starting from when I was young and navigating monogamy, to my last relationship with someone that I lost interest in, unfortunately, really quickly, to where I transitioned unintentionally into one-sided open relationships where I would seek others out.
And because of that I set a precedent with that person. When we were just FWBs, they tried to restart the previous arrangement. Luckily, I set them free so they could have their family back. Unfortunately, they have fallen on really hard times.
And recently I have officially opened myself up to the polyamorous lifestyle with a transition where I ended up making the same mistake, where I have it one-sided and unethical
with multiple people who were not made aware of my desire.
Although as self serving as this sounds, two women made me think this FWBish set-up was the understanding with a sentiment of "I will meet someone someday," and "Yeah, you are good for now," which I overlooked. Gave them the benefit of the doubt.
And yes, I also took on two more women, on top of them. One I really just wanted to be platonic or FWBish, maybe, hinting at taking our time. But alas, they went full speed ahead, and I have this habit where I just go with it until I can't anymore.
Another lady put us together in a arranged marriage-type situation, where I went along, allowing her to donate to me. The bank said her donation was counterfeit money. It was a lot of money. Then I had to officially break it off.
Another woman, I think attached to her, manifested saying she crazy about me. I just am sexually attracted, because she has a certain thing that I am drawn to (hint hint it's in the chest area).
Anyway, I am now calling myself into question overall, my conception. Because I asked myself where this came from all of the sudden as I am into the last stage of the 30s decade and this while perhaps maybe a thing tied into my my nymphomania stuff, which I have been struggling with. no, not going out and having encounters. Fan fiction type stuff and other things.
Well. Guess I am calling everyone and everything into question because this was a transition for me and I am pondering what happened.
How we get to this point?
No, no, not saying anything negative or questioning anyone.
Guess I am trying to understand.
Sorry for the poor wording and probable rudeness.
What is it you feel you need to "reconcile"?
Why I transitioned to this the way I did. Why I am finding it appropriate to not disclose this right away, instead of entering into monogamous understandings with folks. Or what I thought it was.
But then again, two women made me think they were acquaintances, FWB or whatever, with sentiments like "How many gfs you have?" and "I will find a man," and "Yeah, you are good for now." yet I found myself wanting to fight the urge to walk away and instead win them over?
Which I now am looking back on and questioning what I was thinking, because it worked like too well, to where it was a month of knowing them?
And I ended up with like three more women. One I ended it with for going faster, the other for arranging marriage us together. The third one just kinda happened.
And now I found myself wanting to chase younger ladies than them. Not because I don't find them desirable. But one is like a early 20 something that motorcycle rides and is like fun and spontaneous and adventurous. Another lady is like 20, 21ish? And is in a spot where I say anything I go bye bye into the streets.
Because I am codependent for shelter seeking assistance, which causes me to call me into question for ever desiring her, even though she's charming , well spoken and gorgeous, I think.
See what am I doing?
Wow sorry for being so misogynistic and narc. gross.
I am in later stage of 30s and doing this to you and everyone else. I am so sorry. I have no clue what I am doing. I don't wanna stop. But I cannot be unethical anymore about it.
But I don't know how to disclose any of this. Also, my libido is getting the best of me. No one is being dragged into encounters, not that I could ever ever drag anyone into them. No matter how badly I wanted it for so long and didn't know what it was like healthily.
