The people you love resent the crap outta you?
Sometimes it feels like both my husband and my GF resent me--they feel I'm getting away with something. That whole having my cake and eating it too thing. (And, as I said elsewhere, it's a lot of cake for one person.)
It's not like I don't understand why they feel that way, it just doesn't feel good. I feel like crying because I'm trying so hard to hear and meet their needs and yet I'm somehow always disappointing someone.
My GF and I just took a trip together. I planned it and, because it was work related, was able to pick up the tab for a lot of it. My husband was unhappy about it at first (it's the first time GF and I have traveled together, so he perceived it as escalating the relationship), but he got over it. We spoke every night when I was away and he's been great since I got home.
But on the last day of an otherwise wonderful trip, my GF started withdrawing and when we got home, she needed several days of "space" because she was in pain over my returning to my husband and she's not sure the poly thing will work for her. (We live in different cities, so our daily contact is email and text.) Now she's pushing me to have a conversation with my husband about parameters, with frequent reminders that this might not work for her and that both she and my husband "deserve good relationships." (Ouch! However I did tell her that stuff hurts and she apologized.)
She's right that my husband and I need to have further discussion and I will do it, though it's going to be hard to bring up. My husband and I are on a communication learning curve. (Getting better still not great.)
Still, I feel so worn down and...unappreciated? Misunderstood? Hurt? Angry?
I'm not sure what I'm asking for here...I'm just looking for a way to feel less shitty.
Sometimes it feels like both my husband and my GF resent me--they feel I'm getting away with something. That whole having my cake and eating it too thing. (And, as I said elsewhere, it's a lot of cake for one person.)
It's not like I don't understand why they feel that way, it just doesn't feel good. I feel like crying because I'm trying so hard to hear and meet their needs and yet I'm somehow always disappointing someone.
My GF and I just took a trip together. I planned it and, because it was work related, was able to pick up the tab for a lot of it. My husband was unhappy about it at first (it's the first time GF and I have traveled together, so he perceived it as escalating the relationship), but he got over it. We spoke every night when I was away and he's been great since I got home.
But on the last day of an otherwise wonderful trip, my GF started withdrawing and when we got home, she needed several days of "space" because she was in pain over my returning to my husband and she's not sure the poly thing will work for her. (We live in different cities, so our daily contact is email and text.) Now she's pushing me to have a conversation with my husband about parameters, with frequent reminders that this might not work for her and that both she and my husband "deserve good relationships." (Ouch! However I did tell her that stuff hurts and she apologized.)
She's right that my husband and I need to have further discussion and I will do it, though it's going to be hard to bring up. My husband and I are on a communication learning curve. (Getting better still not great.)
Still, I feel so worn down and...unappreciated? Misunderstood? Hurt? Angry?
I'm not sure what I'm asking for here...I'm just looking for a way to feel less shitty.