Emotional vs Physical
- Thread starter Jpk83
- Start date
Marcus
Well-known member
Depends on how you classify a poly relationship.
For me, out on the relationship anarchist side of the spectrum, I don't find a sexual relationship to be any more valuable than any non-sexual relationship. That classification doesn't mean a lot.
Ravenscroft
Banned
No, really. If it's about sex with no emotional connection, then it's nonmonogamy, but not (of itself) polyamory -- the whole "many loves" thing is central here.
Opposing the oft-cited Zell Definition, I believe that a loving nonsexual relationship fits quite nicely into polyamory, as apparently some asexuals & demisexuals agree.
Absolutely. Poly non-sexual relationships are fairly common in my circle of poly friends.
And I agree- a sexual only relationship would be polysexual- or non-monogamous- or maybe swinging, but someone who actually swings might disagree with me.
Polyamorous has amorous in there for a reason- it's about the feelings.
And I agree- a sexual only relationship would be polysexual- or non-monogamous- or maybe swinging, but someone who actually swings might disagree with me.
Polyamorous has amorous in there for a reason- it's about the feelings.
Yeah .. Just to make sure its said.. As if
Yes! That's polyamory for you.... It's about love! Go figure huh
Being non Monogamous..... sexually non Monogamous is about the sex.
Yes! That's polyamory for you.... It's about love! Go figure huh
Being non Monogamous..... sexually non Monogamous is about the sex.
Hi Jpk83,
I would say that there can be emotional-without-the-physical poly, but there can't be physical-without-the-emotional poly. Due to the definition of the word. Polyamory = "the state of being, or the ability and/or inclination to be, in a romantically-linked set of more than two persons, with the full knowledge and consent of all the persons in the set."
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I would say that there can be emotional-without-the-physical poly, but there can't be physical-without-the-emotional poly. Due to the definition of the word. Polyamory = "the state of being, or the ability and/or inclination to be, in a romantically-linked set of more than two persons, with the full knowledge and consent of all the persons in the set."
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Ravenscroft
Banned
Nah -- seems like everyone has said repeatedly that there is no "THE" definition. Has this changed?
The original Zell (the "senior wife"
) definition is rather clear that (officially ) there MUST be sex --
The original Zell (the "senior wife"
) definition is rather clear that (officially ) there MUST be sex --I'm one of the few who disagrees with that clause; most point to it as definitive.
SchrodingersCat
Active member
Absotootly! My ex-gf and I had a romantic non-sexual relationship. A lot of people would ask, what's the difference between that and just friends? It's hard to put into words, but it's different. For example, we'd still kiss on the lips hello and good-bye. We cuddled and held hands. And just the way we felt about each other was different from the way you feel about a friend.
I actually agree that sexual non-romantic relationships are a type of non-monogamy outside of polyamory. Nothing wrong with them, but yeah, that "amory" bit. However, I'm also noticing that more and more people are just using the word "Poly" and dropping the "amory" and that there's a rising trend of equating "poly" with umbrella non-monogamy more than "polyamory" specifically. So that's something to be aware of.
Can't stop a rising tide, and if ultimately the result is that people become more open and understanding and experiment with things outside the norm to find what works for them? That's cool with me.
I actually agree that sexual non-romantic relationships are a type of non-monogamy outside of polyamory. Nothing wrong with them, but yeah, that "amory" bit. However, I'm also noticing that more and more people are just using the word "Poly" and dropping the "amory" and that there's a rising trend of equating "poly" with umbrella non-monogamy more than "polyamory" specifically. So that's something to be aware of.
Can't stop a rising tide, and if ultimately the result is that people become more open and understanding and experiment with things outside the norm to find what works for them? That's cool with me.
Ravenscroft
Banned
I don't disagree... with the caveat that everyone ought to be aware that "poly" is NOT the same as "polyamory," & certainly the former doesn't encompass the latter.
I am seeing a rise in justifying cheating (sexual & otherwise) as "poly," which to me is clearly intending to duck behind the "polyamory" curtain... which might explain the rising incidence of people showing up here & expecting US to explain the rationalization, as though WE inflicted the cheating upon them.
I mean, if YOU want to step up & accept personal responsibility for that pain, cool.
I am seeing a rise in justifying cheating (sexual & otherwise) as "poly," which to me is clearly intending to duck behind the "polyamory" curtain... which might explain the rising incidence of people showing up here & expecting US to explain the rationalization, as though WE inflicted the cheating upon them.
I mean, if YOU want to step up & accept personal responsibility for that pain, cool.
Al99
Well-known member
Not to reignite the definition discussion in yet another thread, but although apparently Zell's original definition did include the word "sexual", by the time the Oxford dictionary included a definition, it had morphed into "romantic".
Fwiw, I will join the chorus of those who have said that a polyamorous relationship need not be sexual - and that loving, emotional relationships (whether sexual or not) are key to defining a relationship as polyamorous. As has been pointed out, polyamorous literally means "many loves".
I would guess that many of us use the term "poly" just as a convenient abbreviation for polyamory. However, it very well may be - as both SchrodingersCat and Ravenscroft have pointed out - that the widespread use of the shorter term "poly" is leading to the belief that it is really just about the poly with the amory optional - perhaps especially among the new folks coming to polyamory or other CNM due to the increasing amount of publicity. And, as was pointed out, co-opting the use of the word as a convenient rationalization for cheating. Al
Fwiw, I will join the chorus of those who have said that a polyamorous relationship need not be sexual - and that loving, emotional relationships (whether sexual or not) are key to defining a relationship as polyamorous. As has been pointed out, polyamorous literally means "many loves".
I would guess that many of us use the term "poly" just as a convenient abbreviation for polyamory. However, it very well may be - as both SchrodingersCat and Ravenscroft have pointed out - that the widespread use of the shorter term "poly" is leading to the belief that it is really just about the poly with the amory optional - perhaps especially among the new folks coming to polyamory or other CNM due to the increasing amount of publicity. And, as was pointed out, co-opting the use of the word as a convenient rationalization for cheating. Al
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vinsanity0
Active member
I don't disagree... with the caveat that everyone ought to be aware that "poly" is NOT the same as "polyamory," & certainly the former doesn't encompass the latter.
I am seeing a rise in justifying cheating (sexual & otherwise) as "poly," which to me is clearly intending to duck behind the "polyamory" curtain... which might explain the rising incidence of people showing up here & expecting US to explain the rationalization, as though WE inflicted the cheating upon them.
I mean, if YOU want to step up & accept personal responsibility for that pain, cool.
Exactly! That is very prevalent in this forum. Then they want to argue about it...lol.
Jpk83
New member
How long did that relationship last? And have you had similar relationships besides that one?
of course
One of my partners is Ace and for her polyamory was a bit life changing.
She can now have an emotionally loving partnership without it being a sexual one and know that her partner isn't being deprived of something they desire.
I've know several Ace people that were monogamous that would just "take it for the team". With polyamory, there is a lot less pressure for that.
One of my partners is Ace and for her polyamory was a bit life changing.
She can now have an emotionally loving partnership without it being a sexual one and know that her partner isn't being deprived of something they desire.
I've know several Ace people that were monogamous that would just "take it for the team". With polyamory, there is a lot less pressure for that.