Emotionally Raw

abnormal

abnormal

Member
I'm 38 and living in Washington state, USA. I discovered less than a week ago that I'm polyamorous.

I have a bf I've been with since 2007 (I just came out today to him) , a fwb who I am in love with (and have yet to tell I'm poly) and another fwb that is strictly sexual (I haven't told him yet either). All three men know about each other.

I have been poly since my late teens, but only this Thursday learned to see myself as poly.

I came out, first, to my (adult) daughter on Thursday. She's a trans-person and I thought it would be easiest to start with her because she would know what it was like to come out about something like this. Her reaction was basically to tell me she didn't care of I was poly; accepting me immediately. I unloaded! I would share, then she would describe what she had been through and we had a lot in common.

I'm here hoping to learn anything new about polyamory. I'm very new, so please be gentle. I'm emotionally raw after telling my daughter, caregiver, Dad, and my boyfriend. I have yet to come out to my two fwbs, one of whom I'm on love with (he's made it clear he's not looking for anything serious and he knows I love him, but not that I'm poly) and the other whom I just met up with for sex (I care about him, but I'm not in love).


Sorry for the wall of text. I'll get put off your hair now. Share anything you think might help me.

~abnormal
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
So how did you have a bf and 2 fwbs if nobody knew until today? Were you cheating?
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Years ago, my bf was in jail. He told me as long as I asked him first, he wouldn't consider it cheating. So I was with a longtime friend who took care of me in so many ways, including emotionally.

My bf of over a decade is now in prison. My longtime friend and I had an argument and he left my life for a few years. So I sought a new FWB and found one. This second FWB and I are not so emotionally tangled. He's just somebody who became a FWB after I met him online. I care about him, but not on a soul-deep level like I do the others.

One day my original FWB came back into my life. I told my new FWB about it and promised to keep things out of the sexual realm, but my FWB asked me why. I told him out of respect for him. He said that with all the time he's away (for work or school or whatever) he was surprised I didn't jump back in bed with my first FWB. So I had permission from both of them to start being with my old FWB again.

So now I have a bf I love and two FWBs, one of whom I love in a friendly way and the other whom I am in love with.

They all know about each other. They're all fine with it. But the one I have feelings for is trying to work on improving his life before looking into potential girlfriends of any description, which I admire and respect.

At the same time, though, I've discovered I'm poly. I want to tell the one FWB I love (I think he has a right to know) and the other FWB.

The people in my life who know about my discovery have all been very understanding. It's given me the courage to come out to my bf. I need a little break before I tell the other two, but I fully intend to do so. They deserve to know.
 
I'm glad you found a label for your love style that feels right for you.

I hope your bf is okay with all this too, once he gets out of prison.
 
Magdlyn said:
I'm glad you found a label for your love style that feels right for you.

I hope your bf is okay with all this too, once he gets out of prison.
Click to expand...
He is and will be. He has never resisted me doing this.
 
Greetings abnormal,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I just want to say kudos for recognizing your poly nature. I think you have come to the right place. I encourage you to explore our various threads and boards, and to post any questions you may have as you go along. It sounds like you have already been practicing ethical nonmonogamy, of which polyamory is a subset, so it shouldn't be too much of a shock to your system, the hard part is coming out to people. Good luck and I hope we can help!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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