Ever wonder if some "polyamorists" are just NRE junkies?

Hyper-vigilance is about it. Combined with a special awareness of how intoxicating NRE is. NRE can seriously screw up one's judgment, and make one incredibly insensitive, and ungrateful, towards one's established partner/s.

I don't know, maybe it also helps if one doesn't combine NRE with an extended mid-life crisis.
 
Thanks for the input. I'd love to inoculate myself against disaster before I even start seeing the road signs for that bridge that I'll inevitably have to cross. :)
 
One of the things I've found is that it's helpful to remind yourself that you have an obligation to maintain the work on existing obligations (romantic or otherwise) PERIOD.
Which means-you don't schedule to do things with NRE person-that take you away from your duties.
A relationship is like a garden. It requires tending. You need to do that maintence:

ensure that you continue making dates with your existing partner.
continuing initiating sexual and loving behaviors with existing partner.
Continue having non-sexual bonding times with existing partner.
Continue having time alone for yourself.
Continue making special time with kids/friends.

BE IN THE MOMENT;
Meaning-(for example) that while you are with existing partner don't be planning the next "escape" focus on the time together. Don't be on the phone or computer. BE with the person you are with. Whether you are at work or home or wherever; don't spend the time you are away from your NRE person continuing to be focused on them.
This takes conscious effort-but it's very important.
 
That all makes a great deal of sense. I'm going to bookmark this thread to refer to in a couple of years when I need a kick in the pants. I've found that for me, historically, I fall deep into NRE with a new person about every 2.5 to 3.5 years (whether I'd been in a mono relationship or not; almost like it's a biological cycle of some sort for me). Which is not to say that it COULDN'T take more or less time, only that it's been happening that same way for time out of mind. I'm only 8 months into this relationship, so I imagine I'm "safe" for the time being, which gives me plenty of time to learn, ruminate, and hopefully prepare myself for the eventuality. Thanks!
 
After 38 years with the same two women, I think the NRE is long over.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top