Manifestiny
New member
So...it's been a couple of years since i was last on this forum. I spent the last 2 years recovering from the breakdown of my marriage of 10 years.
In short, my marriage ended because i was lead to believe that my wife wanted a triad...however, when we met an amazing woman who had no experience, in reality it began more like a vee...and my (ex)wife immediately freaked out and claimed she was no longer poly...and forced me to choose. Given that i felt incredibly used and tricked...the respect i once had for my (ex)wife dwindled...and the marriage broke down.
I ended up pursuing a relationship with my GF...and we have been living together for nearly 2 years. She is amazing and caring...and is now a fantastic step mother to my children. We have had our ups and downs in that time...but in general it has been the best relationship i have ever had. Sex has been progressively amazing...although it started off a bit slow (but understandable considering the drama we went through).
So, after my marriage ended...i started feeling "different" about polyamory. I guess you could say that i was put off by the concept...perhaps for want of not having to deal with so much emotional drama. I knew intuitively that i still felt attracted to other people, but i just didn't follow through on any of my attractions...nor would i really talk to my GF about it (although i was open and honest if the asked or if the situation came up in public and i got busted checking out another girl for example).
However, something has recently happened that is changing how i feel - again. I have met someone new. I knew that i felt attracted to this women immediately...but i'm very capable of controlling myself. Through work circumstances, i have had to spend a bit of time with this women...and just last week, she threw herself at me. She is soooo sexy and hot...i'm not sure how i was able to keep control...but somehow i did; undoubtedly out of respect for my GF.
I am a realist...and i take full responsibility for the part that i have played in making this new women feel the mutual attraction enough to throw herself at me. So, knowing this...i am, once again, entertaining the idea that i must be poly.
On the plus side...i feel that i have enough experience now to be quite clear on what i want. For example...i would love to have amazing consensual sex with this new woman, but i don't feel i want to have a committed relationship and entwine my life with hers. In addition, i love being in the relationship with my GF for many reasons, and i am generally satisfied with our sex, but i still feel the urge to have sex with other people i feel attracted to.
Underlying everything...is the fear that patterns will repeat themselves. That if i am really honest with my GF and attempt to pursue a sexual relationship with this new woman with my GFs consent...would my GF go along with it, only to turn around and "change her mind"...like my (ex)wife did.
So...i am seriously looking for advice from experienced polys. Considering i have this sexual urge...would it be better to just cheat on my GF and get it out of my system? Would it be better to accept that i am not successful in long term relationships and end it with my GF?
I have now opened a dialogue with my GF about the fantasy of wanting to have sex with others. She seems willing to discuss it (especially considering our relationship began as a triad with my (ex)wife)...but not something that she feels naturally drawn to (perhaps because of her conservative nature). Should i fully let go of the idea that i am "polyamorous" and maybe just accept that instead i'm a subtle manipulator who wants to have sex with lots of women?
I'm just hoping to gain a bit of clarity and work though some of my feelings...so any help is appreciated.
In short, my marriage ended because i was lead to believe that my wife wanted a triad...however, when we met an amazing woman who had no experience, in reality it began more like a vee...and my (ex)wife immediately freaked out and claimed she was no longer poly...and forced me to choose. Given that i felt incredibly used and tricked...the respect i once had for my (ex)wife dwindled...and the marriage broke down.
I ended up pursuing a relationship with my GF...and we have been living together for nearly 2 years. She is amazing and caring...and is now a fantastic step mother to my children. We have had our ups and downs in that time...but in general it has been the best relationship i have ever had. Sex has been progressively amazing...although it started off a bit slow (but understandable considering the drama we went through).
So, after my marriage ended...i started feeling "different" about polyamory. I guess you could say that i was put off by the concept...perhaps for want of not having to deal with so much emotional drama. I knew intuitively that i still felt attracted to other people, but i just didn't follow through on any of my attractions...nor would i really talk to my GF about it (although i was open and honest if the asked or if the situation came up in public and i got busted checking out another girl for example).
However, something has recently happened that is changing how i feel - again. I have met someone new. I knew that i felt attracted to this women immediately...but i'm very capable of controlling myself. Through work circumstances, i have had to spend a bit of time with this women...and just last week, she threw herself at me. She is soooo sexy and hot...i'm not sure how i was able to keep control...but somehow i did; undoubtedly out of respect for my GF.
I am a realist...and i take full responsibility for the part that i have played in making this new women feel the mutual attraction enough to throw herself at me. So, knowing this...i am, once again, entertaining the idea that i must be poly.
On the plus side...i feel that i have enough experience now to be quite clear on what i want. For example...i would love to have amazing consensual sex with this new woman, but i don't feel i want to have a committed relationship and entwine my life with hers. In addition, i love being in the relationship with my GF for many reasons, and i am generally satisfied with our sex, but i still feel the urge to have sex with other people i feel attracted to.
Underlying everything...is the fear that patterns will repeat themselves. That if i am really honest with my GF and attempt to pursue a sexual relationship with this new woman with my GFs consent...would my GF go along with it, only to turn around and "change her mind"...like my (ex)wife did.
So...i am seriously looking for advice from experienced polys. Considering i have this sexual urge...would it be better to just cheat on my GF and get it out of my system? Would it be better to accept that i am not successful in long term relationships and end it with my GF?
I have now opened a dialogue with my GF about the fantasy of wanting to have sex with others. She seems willing to discuss it (especially considering our relationship began as a triad with my (ex)wife)...but not something that she feels naturally drawn to (perhaps because of her conservative nature). Should i fully let go of the idea that i am "polyamorous" and maybe just accept that instead i'm a subtle manipulator who wants to have sex with lots of women?
I'm just hoping to gain a bit of clarity and work though some of my feelings...so any help is appreciated.