Explaining Everything?

Update...

*sigh* Well I talked to Roma today. He said he knows of a nice restaurant in Syosset (north shore long island, NY- mid range fancy). Then he drops a bomb on me "My eldest daughter works there, maybe if she has time you could meet her." GAH! :eek:
I was so flabbergasted that all I could say was "oh, ok. Sounds good."
Is it my imagination or is this moving way fast. It's our first date for Gods sake. And I am meet one of your kids?
 
vinsanity0 said:
Personally, I would view a five minute meet and greet as a non-event.
Click to expand...

Ok, so just go with the flow and not make a huge deal out of it.
 
New Update ~ FRUSTRATIONS

We talked a bit during the week after the last broken date and he seemed to be feeling better. Then the morning of Friday the 18th he calls & cancels again. He is still ill. Disappointed I tell him to call me when he is feeling better.

Big mistake on my part. No calls at all the next 2 weeks. And I am getting concerned & annoyed.

Well, karaoke night at the bar happened this past Saturday. I do not see Roma, but I have have a blast singing my heart out. As I am called up to sing, I see him at the end of the bar. I think 'Oh good, I will talk to him after my song.' But by the time my song is done, POOF he's gone.

He seems to be well liked at the bar, so I decided to question the bartenders about him. Well, they were a wealth of info: Some good some bad

The Good
1) He's a sweet & great guy
2) He's 'loaded'
3) He's loyal to a fault
4) He works as a stonemason, marble specifically. And is on disability.

The Bad
1) He does have cancer (they would not tell me what type, I didn't ask either) he was diagnosed a year ago
2) He said he was divorced, which is true & not at the same time.
Wife #1: divorced, 2 adult daughters
Wife #2: separated 6 months, no kids

3) He has a drinking problem (borderline alcoholic). The owner/bartender said she saw him drink more when he got diagnosed, then it got really bad after the separation.
3.5) The reason he 'poofed' on Saturday was he was in earlier & drank alot, left, then came back drunk. They told him that they would not serve him any alcohol & told him to go home.
4) He doesn't know how to use his cell phone AT ALL. And is a bit of a technophobe.

Now even with all this information I am still interested in him. Am I crazy and headed for heartbreak or should I just keep it a casual FWB type?
There is no doubt in my mind that Roma has serious issues. And in no way can I change him. BUT online dating is a flop for me and he was the one to approach me. The biggest gut instinct is telling me "Go for the sex, but you know that could be the only thing he is able to give."
Angela is like "Gurl, go get some!" And my almost 76 year old, Catholic, conservative mom is like "Be careful, but have fun!"

___________________________________________________________________________________

And of course right after I posted this Roma calls me and now we have a lunch date for tomorrow. LMCAO
 
Last edited:
It sounds like you're trying to justify settling for someone that you know isn't a good person to date just because you feel like meeting people is hard. If the only good reason to pursue someone is "I haven't found anything better so far" then I'd call that not enough reason to waste your time on that person.

You barely know this guy and yet know so many bad things about him and reasons not to date him. I'd personally suggest that your time is better served looking for someone who is more of what you're looking for and can be the type of partner you want.
 
Hi Valynn,

It's really up to you whether you date this man. You know he has some good points and some bad points. Everyone has some good points and some bad points. You just have to figure out whether he is a good match for you. He's got a lot on his mind right now, what with the cancer and the separation from his wife.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi Valynn,

It's really up to you whether you date this man. You know he has some good points and some bad points. Everyone has some good points and some bad points. You just have to figure out whether he is a good match for you. He's got a lot on his mind right now, what with the cancer and the separation from his wife.

Regards,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...

He has told me in no uncertain terms he would love to make love to me. And I tell him that we need to date to get to know one another better. While we may be greatly attracted to one another psychically, we may not mesh in other areas.
When I asked about his cancer he got very quiet (he reminds me of an over eager puppy most times)and said "Will you date a guy knowing he has cancer?" Which immediately made me think his current wife left him due to the diagnosis of kidney (so bad they had to remove one) and early stage prostate.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi Valynn,

It's really up to you whether you date this man. You know he has some good points and some bad points. Everyone has some good points and some bad points. You just have to figure out whether he is a good match for you. He's got a lot on his mind right now, what with the cancer and the separation from his wife.

Regards,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...

He has told me in no uncertain terms he would love to make love to me. And I tell him that we need to date to get to know one another better. While we may be greatly attracted to one another psychically, we may not mesh in other areas.
When I asked about his cancer he got very quiet (he reminds me of an over eager puppy most times) and said "Will you date a guy knowing he has cancer?" Which immediately made me think his current wife left him due to the diagnosis of kidney (so bad they had to remove one) and early stage prostate.
 
Sounds like he'd be a great one night stand and a terrible boyfriend.
 
Evie said:
Sounds like he'd be a great one night stand and a terrible boyfriend.
Click to expand...

Right? But every time I talk to him I get swamped with NRE's. He's funny & intelligent & goofy.......and hot as hell
 
Last edited:
Take him for a test run. He may be terrible in the sack. Problem solved :p
 
Evie said:
Take him for a test run. He may be terrible in the sack. Problem solved :p
Click to expand...

LMCAO true. But for now I am sticking to my 'dating' guns. :D If he really wants me, he has gotta prove to me that he is ok with what.
 
Valynn said:
We met on NYE at a local karaoke bar. And we are really into each other.
Click to expand...

This was one week after meeting him.

2) He said he was divorced, which is true & not at the same time.
Wife #1: divorced, 2 adult daughters
Wife #2: separated 6 months, no kids

3) He has a drinking problem (borderline alcoholic). The owner/bartender said she saw him drink more when he got diagnosed, then it got really bad after the separation.
3.5) The reason he 'poofed' on Saturday was he was in earlier & drank alot, left, then came back drunk. They told him that they would not serve him any alcohol & told him to go home.
Click to expand...

That was after a month, and he was getting thrown out of a bar.

He lied about being divorced.

He is so "into" you that he is devoting all that time to drinking.

Honey, open up them eyes.
 
Dan Savage has this saying about people who are ready to date. He calls it 'being in good working order'. No need to be perfect but have things together enough personally to be able to interact fully with other people.

This guy is not in good working order, and I do not mean his cancer diagnosis and treatment. That is terribly sad but I get the impression he wasn't in decent working order even when physically healthy. And it also seems his illness has led him to double down on the not great coping methods, like drinking.

He really is not dating material. He might be fine for a fuck buddy or FWB but I suspect even that may be beyond what he can manage. Also, FYI, prostate cancer can impact the ability to get hard and ejaculate - I don't believe this is automatically always the case and it may well depend on stage of the cancer.
 
Finale Update

After going to the bar on February 2nd, I gave Roma a call. And got his voicemail. I was kinda blunt and told him that I would like to go on a date with him still & to call me back.

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE.

So I gave him enough chances and it didn't go anywhere. So IMO, ya snooze, ya loose. And I have since moved on.
 
Hi Valynn, thanks for updating this. Sorry it didn't work out, it sounds like he is not ready to step up to the plate at this time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top