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[timeforchange]

Hi. I am a 60 year old professional female who has been in a 30 year monogomous lesbian relationship. We are both comitted to continuing our relationship and are generally happy in it. It serves both of us positively in many many ways. However, I have recently fallen in love with a 48 year old woman who is going through a divorce. She loves me deeply and we share an amazing soul connection beyond anything either of us has ever experienced previously. I find that she fulfills needs that my partner does not and probably cannot based on her personality. The new interest is a warm and compassionate woman, very open to other people and life and compassionate and emotional. My partner on the other hand is somewhat closed off and untrusting of others and though we love each other deeply the passion has never really been there. We have discussed and determined to try a poly relationship. I am a bit concerned that my partner feels forced into this as she feels I think that if she does not accept it she will lose me. I honestly don't want to choose between them as I love them both. My partner realizes that I am unhappy with things as they are with this one area of my life missing. It's almost like a spiritual connection, the ability to relate to someone on a deeper emotional level who sees life more similarly to the way I do. The new interest is perfectly fine with the sharing aspect and is looking forward to loving my partner as well. My partner has agreed to give it a try and is open to the reality of what I need and does not want me to be unhappy and even accepts that no one person can provide everything for another but still I think fearful of what it means for her. She simply doesn't want me to leave and I have to wonder if she isn't doing this just to hang on to me. Just wondered if some experienced in this can advise me of what things I can say or do to put her mind at ease and what to look for moving forward.

 

[Mignonne]

I am far from the guru on this, but perhaps you could suggest ways you two can improve or enrich your own relationship. Make sure she knows she is still a priority to you.

I am curious what the specific problems you have are that this new person fills that your partner does not. Perhaps this will open up a way to work on that if she is willing.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings timeforchange,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I think a lot of the secret to making these things work is time and action. As your original partner sees and experiences that you're not leaving her, and that you're giving her reassurances that you still want to be with her, she'll gradually feel safer about the whole arrangement.

The only caution I have is, Try not to get so caught up in NRE with this new woman that you inadvertently neglect some of your original partner's needs. If anything, she'll need extra time and attention from you for awhile, an assurance that she is still special. She may be grieving the loss of being your one and only.

If you read and study our various threads here you'll get more ideas, and you can post more thoughts and questions as time goes on, usually getting a lot of diverse feedback. Keep us updated (if you're willing) on how things are going for you guys.

It's nice to have you here with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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