I posted about this in my blog, but wanted people's thoughts on the situation.
Since September, I've been seeing a guy I refer to on here as "Facets." He's been good for me in a lot of ways, though we've also had issues (which have mostly been due to miscommunications and to incorrect beliefs on my part).
Early on, I told him that I worry about being ghosted, and that I find that an incredibly painful thing for someone to do. He promised he would never ghost me and that he would always answer my texts, though it might take him a little while to answer. A couple of months ago, while we were sorting out one of our issues, I told him I was afraid he would get tired of me and be done with me, and he said he wasn't going anywhere.
I haven't heard from him in two weeks. The last contact from him was him texting me to cancel our date for that weekend. Since then, he hasn't answered any of my texts or messages I've sent him online. I know two weeks isn't a long time, and people do get busy, but it isn't like him to just plain not answer me.
I do vaguely recall that during the "I'll never ghost you" conversation, he said that sometimes he pulls a disappearing act for a while because he's dealing with something. Realistically, I think that's what's going on now. He hasn't shown up the past two weekends at a sports place he took me to that he said he would be at every weekend (I've gone by myself the past two weeks because it's good exercise and I enjoy it), and as far as I know he hasn't been in contact with the other woman he's seeing either, both of which would indicate there's something going on with him right now. And the last thing I heard from him, when he canceled, was that something had happened to put him in a foul mood, though he didn't give any details.
But even knowing that there's very likely a reason for this that has nothing to do with me, and that if it's the reason I'm thinking it would be grounds for me to accept his breaking a promise (and that's something I almost never accept from anyone), this situation is hitting me hard. I have serious abandonment issues and a history of emotional abuse, and having someone vanish on me like this without warning or explanation not only causes me to turn my brain inside out trying to figure out what I did wrong, but also hits one of my deepest fears. (I am in therapy. I have been talking to my therapist about this. And my husband and boyfriend have been incredibly supportive.)
If he's dealing with something as I suspect, that means he will get back in touch when he's able/ready to. But meanwhile, how do I keep myself from spiraling back into "This is all my fault, what did I do wrong, why is he doing this to me?"
And... I hate having to say this, but since someone went behind my back a couple of years ago I feel I do have to: I can't control what people do or say, but if this gets taken off this site, that's at minimum a seriously shitty thing to do. I'm posting here so Facets *doesn't* hear about it or have to deal with it, because my issues with the situation are my issues, not his. So I hope people will respect me and this board enough to keep it here.
Since September, I've been seeing a guy I refer to on here as "Facets." He's been good for me in a lot of ways, though we've also had issues (which have mostly been due to miscommunications and to incorrect beliefs on my part).
Early on, I told him that I worry about being ghosted, and that I find that an incredibly painful thing for someone to do. He promised he would never ghost me and that he would always answer my texts, though it might take him a little while to answer. A couple of months ago, while we were sorting out one of our issues, I told him I was afraid he would get tired of me and be done with me, and he said he wasn't going anywhere.
I haven't heard from him in two weeks. The last contact from him was him texting me to cancel our date for that weekend. Since then, he hasn't answered any of my texts or messages I've sent him online. I know two weeks isn't a long time, and people do get busy, but it isn't like him to just plain not answer me.
I do vaguely recall that during the "I'll never ghost you" conversation, he said that sometimes he pulls a disappearing act for a while because he's dealing with something. Realistically, I think that's what's going on now. He hasn't shown up the past two weekends at a sports place he took me to that he said he would be at every weekend (I've gone by myself the past two weeks because it's good exercise and I enjoy it), and as far as I know he hasn't been in contact with the other woman he's seeing either, both of which would indicate there's something going on with him right now. And the last thing I heard from him, when he canceled, was that something had happened to put him in a foul mood, though he didn't give any details.
But even knowing that there's very likely a reason for this that has nothing to do with me, and that if it's the reason I'm thinking it would be grounds for me to accept his breaking a promise (and that's something I almost never accept from anyone), this situation is hitting me hard. I have serious abandonment issues and a history of emotional abuse, and having someone vanish on me like this without warning or explanation not only causes me to turn my brain inside out trying to figure out what I did wrong, but also hits one of my deepest fears. (I am in therapy. I have been talking to my therapist about this. And my husband and boyfriend have been incredibly supportive.)
If he's dealing with something as I suspect, that means he will get back in touch when he's able/ready to. But meanwhile, how do I keep myself from spiraling back into "This is all my fault, what did I do wrong, why is he doing this to me?"
And... I hate having to say this, but since someone went behind my back a couple of years ago I feel I do have to: I can't control what people do or say, but if this gets taken off this site, that's at minimum a seriously shitty thing to do. I'm posting here so Facets *doesn't* hear about it or have to deal with it, because my issues with the situation are my issues, not his. So I hope people will respect me and this board enough to keep it here.