Thelittlecat
New member
Hi everyone,
I’m a 29 yo woman and I met my partner three years ago. For two years we would have an emotional and sexual relationship, full of respect and love, even if there was no romance at the time. We were great friends who didn’t feel like we wanted to be a couple, but enjoyed sharing as much love as we could - mentally, emotionally and physically. We were curious of creating ourselves new forms of relationships and talked together a lot about having a non-monogamous relationship one day, either with each other or with someone else one day.
I have endured traumatic experiences as a. child so I thought I needed some more time (and therapy) to be able to be in a relationship with someone, and even more in a non-monogamous one because of things that I went through.
One year ago, things changed : our feelings for each other grew and we fell in love. My now boyfriend went through a rough time (as myself) and met another woman. He told me on the phone that even though she was very jealous and he met her a few weeks ago, he really loved his company and wanted her to be her girlfriend. That she made him think about me but he felt like he could share more things with her since she was living closer to him than I did at the time. It broke my heart because I didn’t know if it would mean I would have to step aside. A week later, he called me completely drunk because he broke up with her : even if she (at first) told him that she would be okay with having an open relationship, she changed her mind but would love to have a threesome one day (which is one of my boyfriend and I’s fantasies).
Since we were both depressed, we decided that we would spend a week together (which never happened to us), but his « ex-girlfriend » came to his house without warning him to pick up her things. I was a bit uncomfortable but stayed calm and polite, introduced myself thinking that it would end here but she just… stayed at the house for what I thought would be a few minutes. As the night came, I started to feel really bad about this situation. She started to kiss him in front of me and I immediately got up to leave. They asked me to at least stay the night because I was living far away and had nowhere to go. Since I took a lot of meds at the time because of my mental health, I fell asleep in his bed and realized later that the two of them were lying next to me (he asked me if I was okay with sharing the bed and I agreed). I quickly realized that ~ something ~ was going on between them and my now partner even woke me up because he wanted to know if I wanted to join them. They stopped when I said no and left to sleep in the living room. I feel like crying writing this, but during the few days she stayed either her or him would suggest me physically or verbally to have a threesome with them, and during a moment when I was high, I accepted. I have very few memories of this moment, only that my mental health and my self-esteem crushed from this moment.
I talked about it with my now partner, and he apologized about his behaviour and I do realize that there was a lack of communication between us, but I can’t get over what happened. I struggle with trusting him like I did before it happened. We are in happy open relationship, but sometimes I do struggle. It happens to me to feel resentful towards him, and even hating myself. Everytime I’m away for work, I’m anxious not about him meeting someone new, but doing so and « replacing » me. He reassures me every time that I need and tell me that he realizes he acted like an as* but this feeling stays me even if it has been a year now.
I’m very new to romantic relationships, and non-monogamous ones. I suffer from PTSD and other mental illness, which makes it hard for me to understand relationships in general… Today I’m wondering if I should break up with my boyfriend or if it’s something we should work on. I know that relationships in general tend to be very complex.
I feel lost and I have no one to talk to, since most of my loved ones stigmatize non-monogamous relationship. This is the first time I talk about this, so if you took the time to read this, or even more, respond I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
P.S : English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes !
I’m a 29 yo woman and I met my partner three years ago. For two years we would have an emotional and sexual relationship, full of respect and love, even if there was no romance at the time. We were great friends who didn’t feel like we wanted to be a couple, but enjoyed sharing as much love as we could - mentally, emotionally and physically. We were curious of creating ourselves new forms of relationships and talked together a lot about having a non-monogamous relationship one day, either with each other or with someone else one day.
I have endured traumatic experiences as a. child so I thought I needed some more time (and therapy) to be able to be in a relationship with someone, and even more in a non-monogamous one because of things that I went through.
One year ago, things changed : our feelings for each other grew and we fell in love. My now boyfriend went through a rough time (as myself) and met another woman. He told me on the phone that even though she was very jealous and he met her a few weeks ago, he really loved his company and wanted her to be her girlfriend. That she made him think about me but he felt like he could share more things with her since she was living closer to him than I did at the time. It broke my heart because I didn’t know if it would mean I would have to step aside. A week later, he called me completely drunk because he broke up with her : even if she (at first) told him that she would be okay with having an open relationship, she changed her mind but would love to have a threesome one day (which is one of my boyfriend and I’s fantasies).
Since we were both depressed, we decided that we would spend a week together (which never happened to us), but his « ex-girlfriend » came to his house without warning him to pick up her things. I was a bit uncomfortable but stayed calm and polite, introduced myself thinking that it would end here but she just… stayed at the house for what I thought would be a few minutes. As the night came, I started to feel really bad about this situation. She started to kiss him in front of me and I immediately got up to leave. They asked me to at least stay the night because I was living far away and had nowhere to go. Since I took a lot of meds at the time because of my mental health, I fell asleep in his bed and realized later that the two of them were lying next to me (he asked me if I was okay with sharing the bed and I agreed). I quickly realized that ~ something ~ was going on between them and my now partner even woke me up because he wanted to know if I wanted to join them. They stopped when I said no and left to sleep in the living room. I feel like crying writing this, but during the few days she stayed either her or him would suggest me physically or verbally to have a threesome with them, and during a moment when I was high, I accepted. I have very few memories of this moment, only that my mental health and my self-esteem crushed from this moment.
I talked about it with my now partner, and he apologized about his behaviour and I do realize that there was a lack of communication between us, but I can’t get over what happened. I struggle with trusting him like I did before it happened. We are in happy open relationship, but sometimes I do struggle. It happens to me to feel resentful towards him, and even hating myself. Everytime I’m away for work, I’m anxious not about him meeting someone new, but doing so and « replacing » me. He reassures me every time that I need and tell me that he realizes he acted like an as* but this feeling stays me even if it has been a year now.
I’m very new to romantic relationships, and non-monogamous ones. I suffer from PTSD and other mental illness, which makes it hard for me to understand relationships in general… Today I’m wondering if I should break up with my boyfriend or if it’s something we should work on. I know that relationships in general tend to be very complex.
I feel lost and I have no one to talk to, since most of my loved ones stigmatize non-monogamous relationship. This is the first time I talk about this, so if you took the time to read this, or even more, respond I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
P.S : English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes !
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