feeling reluctant and hurt

[FireFlee]

Hey there,
Yesterday I was out and about with my son and asked my partner if they wanted me to grab them lunch. They texted back that their new partner had already been in contact with them and was bringing them food. This is a new relationship for her, and I'm just not doing well with it. Jealousy, out of the yang, and my heart just sank into the pit of my stomach. I dont even want to talk to my partner today, she has another date with this person tonight and while she is open, reassuring and honest, I still feel like absolute shit. I feel like I spend all day waiting around for her to text me goodnight, knowing she's spending the night at his house. I'm miserable, it ruins my day and takes away from the joy of being in love with her, and I need help. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this at all.

 

[GalaGirl]

I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

It's ok to have growing pains. It's also ok to realize that you aren't cut out for this and don't want polyamory.

Yesterday I was out and about with my son and asked my partner if they wanted me to grab them lunch. They texted back that their new partner had already been in contact with them and was bringing them food

Would you rather she just said "No, thanks. I'm ok for lunch" rather than telling you stuff about the new partner? Was this just you being nice and bringing her lunch. or was it a bid to share lunch together?

I dont even want to talk to my partner today, she has another date with this person tonight and while she is open, reassuring and honest, I still feel like absolute shit.

Are you two getting your own couple dates on the calendar? How much time is she spending with the new partner? Is this poly hell?

kathylabriola.com - ARE YOU IN POLY HELL?

COMMON PITFALLS IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Many people who are in a primary relationship stumble into an outside relationship either by choice or by chance, and once involved, things can go beautifully or can go terribly awry. Here are some of the most common problems that develop and some ideas for

www.kathylabriola.com

I feel like I spend all day waiting around for her to text me goodnight, knowing she's spending the night at his house.

Why do you have to wait around rather than doing your own things? Do you normally do that when she's at work or something, wait for her to text?

Could you two be too "joined at the hip"?

I'm miserable, it ruins my day and takes away from the joy of being in love with her, and I need help.

Miserable from waiting around all day on a text? Then stop waiting. Do stuff.

Miserable from being in a poly thing? You have to talk to your partner about all this. Again, some growing pains are normal. But if you plain don't want polyamory, you don't have to want it, or do it.

Galagirl

 

[kdt26417]

Hi FireFlee,

Sorry you are going through this. Polyamory can be incredibly hard to get used to, especially when you've been taught all your life that monogamy is the only way. On top of that, polyamory may not be right for you. You kind of have to figure that out on your own. I don't know, maybe if you try poly for a year and you are still having these awful feelings, that may be a sign that you should let poly go. Unfortunately, that means letting your partner go too, and you may not want to do that.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.