Bear with me as this is kind of complicated.
So I am new to poly relationships and have sort of fallen into this but with a giant leap of faith there at the end.
My partner and I are long distance. We video chat every day and randomly message throughout. He and his wife have totally embraced me into their lives and we all sit around talking as well as me and her forming a lovely friendship.
Now the issue is, he has a solely online relationship with someone, lets call her A. I know her (in an online capacity) and she knows I have found myself in a solid relationship but not with whom. He doesn't want me to tell her, and hasn't told her himself, as she is a very, lets say, needy drama queen and he doesn't want any flack to fall on me from A and her friends. His wife and I are the only ones who know of all his attachments and he is kind of in the process of reevaluating things as there are definitely 2, A included, that he is questioning.
Although it doesn't sound like it, he is a very open and honest guy and this is really messing with him and frankly, if it wasn't for the flack he would get I would just tell A and let her deal with it.
So how do I deal with this? I don't want to lie to A so I have been deflecting her questions but last night she flat out asked him if he and I were in a relationship. I want him to tell her, he thinks it will cause all sorts of issues which I think he is just afraid to deal with and the fact it will force his hand to decided if he continues in the relationship with her. TBH she uses him as an escape from her not so rosy real life situation and heaps all her problems and insecurities on him. The wife thinks it is funny, but also that he should just tell her and gets a "bad vibe" from her although she has no relationship with her other then knowing she exists.
Poly is all new to me and to some extent, to him and his wife as well, so we are all learning together. This particular situation is the one cloud in an otherwise fantastic, life growing, experience.
So I am new to poly relationships and have sort of fallen into this but with a giant leap of faith there at the end.
My partner and I are long distance. We video chat every day and randomly message throughout. He and his wife have totally embraced me into their lives and we all sit around talking as well as me and her forming a lovely friendship.
Now the issue is, he has a solely online relationship with someone, lets call her A. I know her (in an online capacity) and she knows I have found myself in a solid relationship but not with whom. He doesn't want me to tell her, and hasn't told her himself, as she is a very, lets say, needy drama queen and he doesn't want any flack to fall on me from A and her friends. His wife and I are the only ones who know of all his attachments and he is kind of in the process of reevaluating things as there are definitely 2, A included, that he is questioning.
Although it doesn't sound like it, he is a very open and honest guy and this is really messing with him and frankly, if it wasn't for the flack he would get I would just tell A and let her deal with it.
So how do I deal with this? I don't want to lie to A so I have been deflecting her questions but last night she flat out asked him if he and I were in a relationship. I want him to tell her, he thinks it will cause all sorts of issues which I think he is just afraid to deal with and the fact it will force his hand to decided if he continues in the relationship with her. TBH she uses him as an escape from her not so rosy real life situation and heaps all her problems and insecurities on him. The wife thinks it is funny, but also that he should just tell her and gets a "bad vibe" from her although she has no relationship with her other then knowing she exists.
Poly is all new to me and to some extent, to him and his wife as well, so we are all learning together. This particular situation is the one cloud in an otherwise fantastic, life growing, experience.
