Female Led Relationships

Elie

New member
I have been reading about FLR relationships and I think it sounds really awesome. I want to hear from all of you. Ladies, do you take a lead role in your relationships? Guys, do any of you submit to your partners?

For the unintimated I will copy and paste some basic information. These guidelines were written by a marriage therapist and are not my own. Link below.

The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Female Led Relationships

I have been reading about this idea non stop for like, the last three nights in a row. I would like to approach my husband about allowing me to take control of the relationship. If anyone has had success in this model, I would love to hear more. And if you are on your path of being a relationship leader, please share what level your relationship falls under. 💙

Level 1. Lower Female Control
This FLR level involves the least power differential. Both parties make nearly all decisions together, with the female taking control only in specific, previously agreed-on situations.

In some cases, couples decide to initiate an FLR, but transitioning to a power role is difficult for the woman. Asserting dominance may feel foreign and/or uncomfortable. Any hesitance often arises from societal expectations or the traditional male-female relationship dynamics these women witnessed growing up. It may take some time and encouragement for a woman to move from a passive to a dominant role.

It’s not uncommon for couples to shift to a higher level of female dominance once the woman’s comfort level increases.

Level 2. Moderate Female Control
When the woman takes on a more moderate level of control in the relationship, she’s typically more comfortable in her dominant role. She is generally the primary decision-maker. Men in this dynamic tend to enjoy taking on a more passive persona and prefer to be subservient in most areas of the relationship.

Although many couples are content to stay in a moderately female-controlled relationship, men who love to be dominated—and women who love to dominate—often up the ante by transitioning to a more formal level of the FLR. While sexual kinks are commonly explored at this level, the female isn’t necessarily “in charge” of the couple’s sex life, though her desires may be prioritized.

Level 3. Defined Control
In many ways, this higher level of the female led relationship is easier to establish and uphold. The woman commonly makes most decisions, taking on more of a traditional male role. Situations in which the man will take control are clearly communicated from the start.

In general, the male is submissive at this level, sometimes taking on a traditionally feminine role by staying home and/or taking care of the children. The female is typically the breadwinner, and both parties consider her the head of their household. In short, traditional gender roles are almost completely reversed.

Defined control FLRs are often more complex than relationships with lower dominance levels, as the female may take charge of the couple’s sex life. Most, though not all, of the kinks explored by the couple are based on the woman’s needs and desires. BDSM devices may come into play, along with other sexual exploration.

Level 4. Extreme Female Control/Immersion
Couples who enter into an extreme FLR are immersed in female domination and male submissiveness. The female takes complete control in the relationship, deciding how her partner spends his time and how finances are handled.

The male may act as a servant who is always ready and willing to submit to his partner. At this level, nearly—if not every—aspect of the male’s actions are dictated by the female. He’ll likely dress to please the woman and submit to her every desire, both inside and outside the home.

Sexually, every kink explored is based on the woman’s wants, needs, and desires. The couple may delve into hardcore BDSM. At the other extreme, the woman may require complete chastity from her partner. The man has little to no say in the relationship—or the bedroom. Previously agreed-on punishments can be a turn-on for both partners. As long as the dynamic is consensual, this extreme level of female dominance in a relationship can be successful.
 
Hi Elie,

I would say that in our house, the female takes the lead both in relationship matters, and in day-to-day affairs. She has what you would call moderate female control. I don't know if it would work for others, but it works for us. This level doesn't extend to kinks in the bedroom, if anything, she enforces a vanilla interaction.

Let me know if you have any questions.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I'm not into power dynamics. In my relationships, there are some things I take lead on (like planning most things lol), somethings Hubby takes lead on (anything social), and somethings Boy takes lead on (most handy projects).

Even those are flexible though. We're all pretty equal and just do whatever feels right in the moment. Lol
 
In my past relationship, I was involved with a married poly woman.

In her marriage, she was clearly in control. The husband was submissive. He went along with whatever she wanted including having a sexual relationship with me. Ultimately he had a lot of resentments and didn't like his position in the marriage. But he allowed her to do what she wanted out of fear of losing her.

Her role was reversed with me. I was the one in control while she was the submissive.

I suppose she wanted to have the experience of being in both roles of someone in charge and being told what to do.
 
I find it interesting that it isn't until Level 4 - the most extreme - that it is mentioned that the female decides how finances are handled. I wouldn't consider my relationship with MrS to be a FLR, but it apparently looks that way to a lot of people (i.e. men who ask me if I "wear the pants" in our marriage). I consider our relationship to be fairly eqalitarian in that each person does what they are good at or have an interest in - which does not follow "traditional gender roles" - in consultation with the other when both are affected.

I handle almost everything that has to do with money - I earn it, save it, invest it, budget it, etc. I choose insurance and financial products, pay bills, do the taxes, handle utilities, hire service people, and research major household purchases. I keep him informed to the degree that he is interested. Where we have lived has largely been determined by my educational and career decisions.

He handles essentially everything else - in-store and online shopping, cooking, errands, planning our travel/vacations/social outings. He is in charge of our luxury/entertainment/fun budget and takes my preferences into consideration. We each take care of our own "stuff" - laundry and cleaning/organizing our crap. If we had children, he would have been the stay-at-home parent - that didn't happen, so he just has to take care of any furry pets :giggle:. (Not the snake, she's my responsibility - unless she has to go to the vet., because I would be at work, so that's an errand.)

So, then, at times I have been looked at as a "domineering" wife. But then, I HATE making non-work, non-money decisions. I hate buying clothes and deciding what to wear or choosing what to order at a restaurant or what movie or TV show to watch - so I appreciate when he picks for me (he definately knows what I will like better than I do!) So, people who see THAT side think that he is some kind of "controlling" husband whose poor wife isn't allowed to have her own opinion!

So, to my way of thinking, I take care of US and he takes care of ME - and it has worked for almost 30 years!
 
In my past relationship, I was involved with a married poly woman.

In her marriage, she was clearly in control. The husband was submissive. He went along with whatever she wanted including having a sexual relationship with me. Ultimately he had a lot of resentments and didn't like his position in the marriage. But he allowed her to do what she wanted out of fear of losing her.

Her role was reversed with me. I was the one in control while she was the submissive.

I suppose she wanted to have the experience of being in both roles of someone in charge and being told what to do.
Sounds like the husband was miserable… is that why your relationship ended?
 
Been level 4 since last september with my poly partner. She is into FLR a lot (corporal punishments, humiliation, cuckoldry, chastity cage, maintenance spankings, and many various things). She is not dominant to her other M and F people.
 
Sexually nesting partners are usually switches, as am I, and the dynamic is quite fluid.

I would say in terms decision-making it's quite mutual and we will hand over power and responsibility quite fluidly, depending on each other's needs and abilities. My current partner and I have latched onto the optimal concept, which, during the formative phase of the relationship, led to intense conversations, until I asked: at what point is it more optimal to spend more time doing, rather than working out what is optimal? Leading moments can occur for either of us and are usually a source of humour or arousal.

Except when I cook Indian food, she is totally domineering. That's a whole other thing though. We are still working through cultural differences.

I think the categorisations are a bit too rigid, especially equating sexual power dynamics to lifestyle, they can be completely reversed or anything in between. Just my perception, and I'm a switch, so perhaps it reflects me more than anything.
 
Been level 4 since last September with my poly partner. She is into FLR a lot (corporal punishments, humiliation, cuckoldry, chastity cage, maintenance spankings, and many various things). She is not dominant to her other M and F people.
This post is from Sept 2022, and the original poster hasn't logged in since 2022. Please be mindful of awakening dead threads. You can always start a new one yourself on the topic that speaks to you and link to an old one for reference, if you like.
 
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