Finding alone space and time

B

BrianneGoddess

New member
For those with young kids in the house, how do you find space to be openly relaxed with partners (other than your primary)?

It's fine waiting for kids to fall asleep, but proving an interesting problem solving requirement as to how we could find space to just be together.

Any ideas and suggestions are welcome
 
My baby is only a few months old, but she's going to grow up knowing that I'm polyamorous. She already loves Boy, too, and sometimes prefers him over me in the evenings when he's around (she's with me all day - she already likes variety! lol). So, I will have no problem cuddling up with him on the couch in the public space.

A woman I semi-dated in the past was raising her son (he was around 5 at the time) very touch-friendly. So he didn't know about our romantic/sexual entanglement but he knew that mommy and I would play with each other's hair or use each other as pillows or whatever while we were all watching movies or hanging out. We gave frequent hugs as well. He was totally fine with it and was thrilled when he got to be in the midst of a giant cuddle pile (I was friends with her husband as well so we would all hang out).

I think it depends on your comfort level as well as the kids' comfort levels. I live a very open/out lifestyle so I don't plan on amending my behavior any more than I would in front of other people's children.
 
Yeah, this really depends on whether you're trying to stay closeted. I'm not, so I just try to act as naturally as possible with any partners of mine (or TheKnight's) that happen to be around.

The only spot where that doesn't work, I find, is when I'm, say, cuddling on the couch with AnotherArtist in a platonic-but-with-mental-undercurrent-of-things-that-will-happen-later sort of way, and the 4.5 year old decides he wants to cuddle too - it's a bit of a cold shower, as it were!
 
If you want "alone space and time," I suggest setting up a "grown-ups'" room, with a privacy lock. Of course, that could cause other problems, if the kids want attention and they're not getting it because the adults are in the grown-ups' room! :eek:
 
Agree that it depends on how "out" you wish to be...

But it depends on whether you're talking about snuggling on a couch watching TV, or actual sexytime. I'm as out as can be, and my sons know about my relationships...HOWEVER...I'm also not really able to sneak off for a quiet snog just because my son is playing a video game or asleep, because of the nature of the sexual side of my relationships. Kinky. In other words. Which means...rarely quiet. When I was a teenager, my Mom would go right on ahead and be loud with her boyfriend and I had a "FFS Mom really?" feeling about this. I am not comfortable being that way.

So basically sex with my partners simply doesn't happen in my apartment. I go visit them for that. None of them have kids. I'm fortunate that my kids are old enough that they don't need childcare, so I'm not dealing with having to arrange such things. I do have hugs, kisses, snuggles, etc when my kids are around, and I think that this is a positive thing. I want them to have happy, loving vibes in their environment, not necessarily sexually explicit vibes, if that makes sense?
 
I think that makes sense.
 
OK so I have three kids, she has one. We each have a full time live in primary relationship.

This last week we went for dinner and realised that we have limited options for after dinner space to hang out, cuddle, or anything else.

Yes we can wait till kids at either home are sleeping.... As Spork says will still require quiet. And I'm very aware of Rock still. He is trying so hard to understand and accept this, I don't want to constantly be reminding him when it's still often tricky for him to accept.

Having said that, Rock came up with an amazing idea for us tonight. We are going out, to a local swingers club, her and I. Then since my mom is visiting my brother till next week, her cottage here on my property is empty. We will stay there tonight and be able to wake together tomorrow morning.

Not bad for a guy struggling to come to terms with my new poly life... So yes, I'm looking for suggestions and practical ideas on how we can make space for alone time I guess. This won't feasibly be a regular thing though. So please any ideas....

The kids are starting to get used to us being affectionate together... We took all the kids for a picnic earlier this week and they saw us holding hands, cuddling, walking with arms around each other, playing with each other's hair.

I guess since I'm loving the communicative, adult (for lack of a better word) way this is happening, I'm loathe to have to sneak time together and feel like a teenager.
 
It's tough with kids. I am always amazed that people can do poly at all with kids. I'm not saying don't have kids, I'm just saying I sympathize, I know it's got to be difficult.

Does your mom know about your poly sitch? If so, would she be willing to "lend" part of her cottage to you now and then, even if she's around?
 
kdt26417 said:
It's tough with kids. I am always amazed that people can do poly at all with kids. I'm not saying don't have kids, I'm just saying I sympathize, I know it's got to be difficult.

Does your mom know about your poly sitch? If so, would she be willing to "lend" part of her cottage to you now and then, even if she's around?
Click to expand...

Nooooo... my mom knows nothing about my poly life or that I am bisexual. I doubt I can ever tell her sadly...
 
Ohh, sorry to hear that.
 
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