Finding others...

AcreoCrimsonstar

New member
Good evening everyone! So I'm almost a year into my Poly Journey, and its been hard, like, barren wasteland hard, to find other poly people. We don't live in a big city AND I live in TX, where its very religious, so that makes it all that much harder.
So the topic and question I'm reaching out with is:


How the hell do you go about finding people?





So far, I've tried OkCupid, PolyFinda, Barq (The successor to Howlr) and Ferzu, as well as some dating places on Discord.
All of which were kind of a waste of time. So I'd like to know, what's the secret?


How have ya'll gone about finding other poly or open minded people?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello AcreoCrimsonstar,
Here's everything I can think of:
Also there's apps, e.g., #Open, Feeld, Bumble, Tinder.

"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

You can also look for poly meetup groups that aren't too far away. Google "Texas polyamory" or "polyamory" with the name of whatever major city is closest to you. Austin is said to be pretty poly-friendly but I don't know if it is at all close to you.

The bottom line is, there is no club secret for finding people. It just takes a long time, and a lot of patience. Personally, I have found that the only people that ever became partners to me, were people I just got to know as platonic friends at first. The "Friend Zone" isn't necessarily a dead end. But as I said, it takes a lot of time and patience. Sometimes, they say that you find someone when you're not looking.

Hopefully some small part of this post helps.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 

AcreoCrimsonstar

New member
Thanks buddy. 100% agree with you! Anytime I have ever found people it's when I'm not looking lol.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
No problem, good luck in your search.
 

BritIndo

New member
Good evening everyone! So I'm almost a year into my Poly Journey, and its been hard, like, barren wasteland hard, to find other poly people. We don't live in a big city AND I live in TX, where its very religious, so that makes it all that much harder.
So the topic and question I'm reaching out with is:


How the hell do you go about finding people?





So far, I've tried OkCupid, PolyFinda, Barq (The successor to Howlr) and Ferzu, as well as some dating places on Discord.
All of which were kind of a waste of time. So I'd like to know, what's the secret?


How have ya'll gone about finding other poly or open minded people?
I am find the exact same problem. Of not being able to find and link with Poly People.

I am based in England. So this problem is even worse than yours. As I see that the USA has so much more available and so many people are based in the USA that are poly. So I am a little jealous of you being based in the USA and having potentially so many people within the same country as you that could be accessed.

Being based in the UK. I am currently on the following websites and apps:

- Polymatchmaker
- Bumble
- # Open
- Feeld
- MoreThanOne

I am trying to keep to only a few so that my energy does not get spread too widely. Though I have also found that many sites or apps focus on Sex and Hookups. Which does not interest me. So it is worth deciding which approach suits your wants and needs and go for that. The ones I am on are not about Hookups or Sex. So chances are higher for meaningful connections and relationships to form.

You could also try - Kik Messenger. The App itself is about chatting and messenging others without revealing your personal details. So You can just pick a username. Then when you are within the App. There is an option to find groups. This is where you can type, "Poly" or "Polyamory" and you will find groups that are specifically Poly focused and based in certain parts of the world or in your own country. I don't think this app allows for hooking up or sex and the groups have rules that people must follow to remain in the chat group.

I hope that is useful. I am finding the same difficulties.
 

AcreoCrimsonstar

New member
Thanks for feedback!
I Have no idea what it's like overseas, it sounds like this sort of thing is outlawed over there!

I used to have Kik but never used it after 2015. I'm on Telegram though which is like that.
so that my energy does not get spread too widely
Yes, this has been hard for me. Anytime i try to get back on the horse and date, i overwhelm myself with places or apps. Trying to narrow it down so I'm not shooting in the dark.

Then again... Ya never know what could happen or who you might find. They say love comes when you stop looking. So.. eh?🤷🏻‍♂️
 

BritIndo

New member
What resources are you using to get to find Poly people and how is that going.

Poly in the UK is not so prominent as it is in the USA. Also you have so many great Poly people in the USA from what I have seen on websites.

Also in the UK there does not seem to be mnay Poly people on the Apps or websites that I use and when I click on Poly people in the USA i get a huge list compared to the UK. Though I think there are more and more Poly people in the UK as time goes on. Maybe just in the shadows and not in the light so much. As it is quite new thing over here I think.
 

BritIndo

New member
Hello AcreoCrimsonstar,
Here's everything I can think of:
Also there's apps, e.g., #Open, Feeld, Bumble, Tinder.



Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

You can also look for poly meetup groups that aren't too far away. Google "Texas polyamory" or "polyamory" with the name of whatever major city is closest to you. Austin is said to be pretty poly-friendly but I don't know if it is at all close to you.

The bottom line is, there is no club secret for finding people. It just takes a long time, and a lot of patience. Personally, I have found that the only people that ever became partners to me, were people I just got to know as platonic friends at first. The "Friend Zone" isn't necessarily a dead end. But as I said, it takes a lot of time and patience. Sometimes, they say that you find someone when you're not looking.

Hopefully some small part of this post helps.
Regards,
Kevin T.
I want to ask you about the list of websites that you have listed. Can you tel me which have worked for you or have lots of poly people and also which sites are more for Hookups rather than relationships and which are more into relationship forming?
 

AcreoCrimsonstar

New member
Honestly none of the have 'worked'.

I met my first BF on Howlr last year by happenstance. He reached out to me. I met my 2nd BF IRL at a party. We didnt talk until winter break in like January. Both just so happened to live where I am. So I end up finding the long term people right here in town. But Avtually FINDING people online method by itself, on PURPOSE.... nope. No luck.

And all those apps are mixed on the whole Hookup VS serious relationship aspect.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello BritIndo,

The most effective site I know of (from the list) is Adult Friend Finder. While not intended to be poly, it is the one that others have had the most success on. (I have not tried it.)

The only poly-friendly dating sites I have tried are OKCupid and Poly Matchmaker. I can't say I really had any success with either (and I live in the United States). I don't know which sites are for quick hookups and which are for longer relationships, Polyamory Date sounds promising, I think Beyond Two is also relationship-oriented. The last three items on the list are not dating sites, they are resources for finding local poly groups.

Hopefully that helps.
Kevin T.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
My current bf found me on Fetlife. It is based around kink interests, and is not a dating site per se. It's more like Facebook for kinksters. But it is super popular, and many poly people post there. You can join groups on FL, and ask questions, chat with people. You can comment on their pix and get to know someone a bit that way, and then she/he may (or may not) respond to a DM, if you seem familiar and friendly.

I have met friends there, and a couple of poly partners. (Polyamory is almost like a kink, since it's an alternative love style.) And you can get heads-ups there about munches, get-togethers, etc.

FL is not just about ropes and whips. It's about anything any kind of open-minded person would want to do. You can find gamers, hikers, bbw lovers, young men seeking cougars, young women seeking sugar daddies, adult babies, pet players, nerds and geeks of all kinds, you can play fuck, marry or pass... on and on... You name it.

You can write a full and detailed profile, post attractive pix, or memes, or whatever you want (including fully frontal nudes, so many nudes....), anything that lets people get to know what you're all about. You can list your fetishes, and the groups you join (according to your interests, and there are thousands of groups, or you can start one) will show up on your profile too.

I met a few people on OK Cupid back in the day, but it got weird when they sold themselves to Match, which also owns Tinder, Match.com, Meetic, Hinge, PlentyOfFish, Ship, and OurTime. It got very hard to navigate, and while it remained free, members also find it just as confusing to actually meet and greet others.
 

AcreoCrimsonstar

New member
Thank you... I've been purposely avoiding Fetlife..

Maybe thats actually The Way.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
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