First Appointment - Nervous

L

LovelyLady

New member
I researched poly friendly counselors from the links provided here by gracious members and worked up the courage to schedule an appointment. I have never been to any type of therapy, let alone to discuss such a controversial and personal subject as my endeavors as a monogamous partner in a non-monogamous relationship. I am quite nervous and uneasy about what to expect. We are not out to anyone, so I guess I am just looking for someone other than my husband to talk about the relationship issues with. Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
 
I've been to counseling twice - once in college (20 years ago), which was non-productive. Guy got hung up on my bisexuality and couldn't step away from the topic (which I didn't/don't think was an issue). I stopped going and figured out my own answer...

A few years ago I went to another counselor...which was actually helpful. Poly/sexuality/relationship issues were not in play however - it was internal stuff and stress/anxiety.

My advice?

You are going to counseling for your own issues...if your counselor has a problem with your chosen lifestyle then they can talk to their own therapist about that. They are there to help YOU achieve YOUR goals.

The first few session WILL be awkward - that's fine. You are trying to bring them up to speed on a whole lifetime's worth of thoughts and experiences. If they are good then they will just ask leading questions and let you talk...

Do NOT be afraid to be honest about everything - if they don't know the whole story then they can't help you see your options. BUT, you can say "I don't feel safe talking about x and z right now because it makes me feel y...can we talk about it later?" They may press you or not but they can't make you do anything...it is OK. They are used to it. (really, they should be, if they are any good). They can work their way back to it later...
 
Why are you nervous? What are you afraid might happen? And what would you like to have happen?

Therapy is for your benefit alone; take advantage of it! The more you understand and can articulate your feelings going in there, the better.

But if it fact you do not feel comfortable, do not feel like the therapist is a good match, it is fine to stop and find someone else.

Good luck, and I hope that you find it helpful.
 
What the process will be depends upon what type of therapy they are trained in and what they are seeing you for.
But-generally, speak openly and honestly and tell them what outcome you are seeking and ask how they think they can help you reach that outcome.
 
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