First Date

[NormalGuy]

Wife and I (m 47 & f 46) have discussed intro'ing a female into our relationship for some time now. This wkend will be our first date with someone (f 47) we met online. We have chatted with her on kik for a cpl weeks and gotten to know her mildly.
My wife is beautiful and her personality and character are just as attractive. We're not looking to fill a void in our relationship by potentially opening this door. The wife is bi and submissive.
The other woman is submissive as well. I know this due to her screen name from the site we met on. Our conversations on kik for the most part have been getting to know each other. This is not new territory for her, which doesn't bother wife and I too much.
Main reason I'm posting is...looking for advice for the first date. The other woman said keep it simple, she is easy to please and is just looking fwd to meeting us. She does seem down to earth. She has said she is an open book. What topics of discussion should we have...pls feel free to suggest some that may lighten the mood or create a laugh. Although I do want the end result to be moving towards a relationship if we do find that spark...so suggestions of topics that will create that are appreciated as well.

 

[kdt26417]

Hello NormalGuy,

I suggest taking this other woman out for a nice dinner, maybe catch a movie afterwards. Keep the conversation light and fun, yet geared towards forming a relationship if you find that spark. A first date is probably too soon for talking about religion and politics, but it may be important to you for her to be on the same page as you in those areas. I would start with the weather, sports, jobs and careers, favorite foods, what you like to do in your spare time, etc.

If you're willing, post here again after your date and let us know how it went.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[MayDecember]

It may sound trite, but just be yourselves.

Because putting on airs, trying to make big first impressions, doing something you would not choose to do yourselves - not good.

If the wife and I go out, we shoot pool in strip clubs. So that's a great thing to do with another potential partner and if they aren't into that atmosphere then they sure as hell are not right for us, lol.

 

[Magdlyn]

Wife and I (m 47 & f 46) have discussed intro'ing a female into our relationship for some time now.

Main reason I'm posting is...looking for advice for the first date. The other woman said...

Hi Normal, welcome to the board.

Would you mind reading our Guidelines before we continue? It explains what polyamory is. It also requests you make up nicknames for your partners or potentials, as you made up one for yourself. Wife and Other Woman aren't giving them their own autonomy, and a nick makes it easier for members to respond and give feedback.

So you and Wife are unicorn hunters. I am sure you got this idea of "adding a female into your marriage" from mainstream media. Or perhaps the swinging community.

Don't go into this date expecting an immediate spark between you and OW, between Wife and OW.

OW is an individual. She may not click with both of you. She may like you and dislike Wife. She may like Wife and dislike you. You may like her, Wife may not. And so on. What would happen if there was a spark between only one of you and her? How would you proceed? This is more important than preparing small talk topics. Small talk is easy. How would you talk to someone, a stranger, a friend of a friend at a party, or a friendly person in a bar? But trying to get a woman to like a couple, with the subject of sex and a continuing set of relationships looming, that's different.

The thing is, a "triad" is several dyads stacked up, plus the 3.

you+wife
you+ow
ow+wife

And ALSO

the three of you.

You are brand new to polyamory, loving more than one. Your old monogamous marriage is dead. You're older, maybe empty nesters, and want to have some adult fun!

You and wife will never be the same now that you're seeking to each get a lover. You're creating a new relationship with Wife, as well as hoping for each of you to form a relationship with another individual. There's a whole new world of negotiations, jealousy, patience, insecurity, euphoria, etc., etc., awaiting you now. You haven't met OW but things are already different.

Many experienced polyamorous couples, who are coming from monogamy, benefit by reading at morethantwo.com., and the book Opening Up.

There's a great article out on the web called, So Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter, which goes into detail about what happens when a long time mono couple attempts to "add a third."

You may find it's easier for you and Wife to date separately. Trying to find a HBB, to find that threeway spark... many unicorn hunters find that hot bi babe very elusive. Like a unicorn, she doesn't exist.

Now if you just want kink, D/s playtime, and you Dom both women, or you "train" you s type wife to Domme the new person, that's different. Kink is adult fun. But keep in mind about the 3 dyads I mentioned above. If you want "love," feelings, it may not grow equally between all three of you. And then what do you do? If you grow to love her, and vice versa, but she only kinda likes Wife, or actively dislikes her, do you hurt yourself and her by dumping her to make Wife feel more secure? Is that fair? What if you're swept up with NRE (new relationship energy) with OW, and start neglecting Wife?

OW is a real person, not a sex toy. This isn't a kink club where you are paying your $50, Domming a stranger and then walking away, going home with the Wife.

 

[NortheastPoly]

When we met our third, it was over dinner, which is normally the best way to go when you meet someone new. It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant that will break your bank account, but it shouldn't be a fast food restaurant either. When we met our third, we had her meet us at a restaurant that was nice, but you could also dress casual and you won't have to worry over the money. Also, don't have high expectations. Just go, have a nice meal and get to know the person. If it goes great, then set up a second date. But don't force the issue. If it doesn't work out, then don't worry, just keep searching until you meet the one that clicks. Good luck.