Thanks for the great advice! He told me he had always been a cheater but he wants to be honest now. I want to trust him but he def is hard to trust, idk if someone can just stop cheating and lying when they have been doing it all their lives, she knows he lies and just let's him get away with it, I call him out and we argue. She told me she let's him.get away with it because she knows he still cares about her. I am talking about things like what he does with his time and such. So ik not sure I can ever trust him, I should leave like yall are saying, he has a really large penis that makes me not want to.
First sex
- Thread starter Violet77
- Start date
Yes. I can see where it is hard to trust him because that part in bold could just be the "new song." Still manipulating, just in a different way. Like "honest now" and not really honest. You seem to recognize that. Additionally past experiences tell you he says one thing and does another. So why would he change?
Her well being is HER responsibility. You don't have to be involved in that.
You are responsible for YOU. Could focus on that instead.
When you call him out, if it just ends going in argument circles with no actual change in behavior? Why bother?
Instead you could form a personal boundary for YOU to follow. Like "X lies and I'm out of there." Then you just count them.
He does it again and hits X number? No arguments, fights or "circle" conversations. You just say you are done and leave. Because that is all you get here and you have all the X times to show it. Why expect different?
Again, her well being is not your concern. It is her concern and her responsibility.
Are you saying "I want access to his big dick. So I am willing to pay the price tag of (putting up with his poor lying/cheating behaviors.) Even if after paying it, I wind up feeling upset/used/demeaned" here?
If so? Pay the price tag. If not? Stop paying. I can imagine it might be hard to FEEL right now. But the actions seem straightforward. In you shoes? I'd stop paying. There are are other big penises in the world attached to non-lying men. Could find and date these more honest, respectful people instead. Could also buy a big one in the meanwhile -- even amazon sells toys. Why sell your present quality of life and peace of mind short over big penis?
Life is not a dress rehearsal. You only get the one. Seems like a waste to spend your time and energy on a relationship you KNOW is not healthy just for big dick. It's going to feel hard to feel proud of that behavior choice.
Could masturbate with all the big toys you want while you heal and then move on to date healthier people. Last I checked, toys won't lie to you, cheat on you, argue with you, fight with you, etc.
Choosing to stay in a thing you know is not healthy when you know you ought to leave? That is not a good sounding choice to me.
Galagirl
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powerpuffgrl1969
Active member
I'm starting to smell troll here.
Not a troll, just confused, it's not only his penis, I care about him and like spending time with him, so does he. I dont think its actual polyamory but this seemed like a place to get support for someone dating multiple people. Recently I met a man and did oral sex, it was a one night thing. My guy freaked out and told me he was hurt, but then he told me he dosnt want to see me and that I what I did was nasty, it was unprotected I admit. But the worst is he took the time we where going to spend together and spent it with the other woman and that hurt me deeply. I freaked out too and told him to choose me that day or I would leave, he ended up agreeing to see me for like two hours but went with her and they slept together like we where planning to. The only reason I could convince myself not to leave is because he did tell her he was taking some of their time to see me for a while. It just seems so unfair and misogynistic to act like that. So I'm going to talk to him and come up with some kind of agreement but I know this isn't really healthy and probably wont work but I'm not ready to leave yet
I agree with Kevin. It's a double standard.
So he "punishes" you.
Glad you see that.
It is ok to not be ready to leave.
At the same time, this is NOT healthy. I'm glad you see that.
You deserve to be treated WELL. If he's not gonna treat you well? YOU can treat you well and stop seeing him and not longer get dinged. No more being "punished" and no more unfair and misogynistic weirdness.
Could think on what your deal breakers are.
That way when you make the new agreements, if they get broken? That it the limit. You have to end it regardless of your soft feelings for him. Because it's become "same ol' song, different day." And the only way for it to get better is to walk away since he doesn't change behavior. Sometimes one must physically leave before mental and emotional leaving can happen.
Could also learn about love bombing. Because if you get "filled up" when he's around love bombing you giving attention, and then the rest of the time he treats you poorly? The reality is not the lovey dovey part. It's the treating poorly part. And the lovey dovey stuff is being used to manipulate you so you get all starry-eyed and put up with new shenanigans. It is "love" and not LOVE. Fake roses... to try to get you to do/accept some new bad treatment thing.
YKWIM? Be careful of the "fake roses" gestures.
So if you aren't ready to leave, that's ok. But stay with eyes wide open knowing this is not healthy and not likely to work. And very on the alert for any more shenanigans.
You have worth, dignity and value. You deserve better than this. I hope in time you come to believe it.
Galagirl
So he "punishes" you.
Glad you see that.
It is ok to not be ready to leave.
At the same time, this is NOT healthy. I'm glad you see that.
You deserve to be treated WELL. If he's not gonna treat you well? YOU can treat you well and stop seeing him and not longer get dinged. No more being "punished" and no more unfair and misogynistic weirdness.
Could think on what your deal breakers are.
That way when you make the new agreements, if they get broken? That it the limit. You have to end it regardless of your soft feelings for him. Because it's become "same ol' song, different day." And the only way for it to get better is to walk away since he doesn't change behavior. Sometimes one must physically leave before mental and emotional leaving can happen.
Could also learn about love bombing. Because if you get "filled up" when he's around love bombing you giving attention, and then the rest of the time he treats you poorly? The reality is not the lovey dovey part. It's the treating poorly part. And the lovey dovey stuff is being used to manipulate you so you get all starry-eyed and put up with new shenanigans. It is "love" and not LOVE. Fake roses... to try to get you to do/accept some new bad treatment thing.
YKWIM? Be careful of the "fake roses" gestures.
So if you aren't ready to leave, that's ok. But stay with eyes wide open knowing this is not healthy and not likely to work. And very on the alert for any more shenanigans.
You have worth, dignity and value. You deserve better than this. I hope in time you come to believe it.
Galagirl
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