EldritchDucky
Member
Hi @Magdlyn! Well, it took me a further year to get back, but here I am! And what a year it's been.
The big update is that we have gone full on swinging! We joined a local group of blended swinger/poly people where my wife, Jess, and I participated in a orgy that left us having broken the monogamous barrier with gusto. She's hoping for more connections with a cute guy she played with. I'm connecting with a new play partner, we're going to call Evie. Honestly, the most gratifying part is that I had eyes for her as soon as we landed in the group, and apparently she did for me, too. That was a huge boost of confidence to see that come to fruition with relative ease. We've been chatting for several months now and just agreed there's some sexual attraction we could explore as carefully boundaried FWBs.
Jess still moves slowly, but if anyone unearths this account looking for advice, my story is proof that any movement is forward movement and it deserves to be honored, especially when there's a LTR to consider. She's also leans into my kinks and participates earnestly as a submissive, helping me to grow my dominant side. She recently revealed to me she always wanted me to take on a more masculine energy and struggled with my submissiveness, so she's happy to see me growing into my new role. She still struggles with her own feelings of desire. That said, she's still a unique person the likes of which I would never find in a million years. The fact that she was willing to take this journey with me and find her own "YES!" means I chose right all those years ago. In late 2024, my wife presented me with a new wedding ring and we declared the official start of our "second" marriage together. I'm wearing it on my right hand according to a swinger tradition we found.
Katie and I are still hanging out and things have gotten more attached for us, despite us trying to keep boundaries. We've definitely attached on an emotional level, and our dating life has it's special places and rituals. But what we have is still a kink-appriciating polyplatonic connection. In fact, if I ever get down to writing a memoir, she'd get a whole chapter about how she helped me grow out of the negative stories I told myself. Her love has been intensely healing to me.
I recently reflected on my path and realized that the moment this version of me saw a path to exist, it became practically inevitable and irresistible. I started growing into the kind of person who could hold these tensions, often with periods of little action. But that patience is what made the action even possible. Also, that phrase, "kind of person", has shown up in a lot of literature about change and how to make it stick. For me, it's the intrinsic "why" that I can hold without obsessing over the "how" that was putting me in my head.
I know I'm still essentially poly under the surface. If I'm going to get there, my marriage is going to go through a swinging phase first, and if I don't get to poly, I will still marvel at how far I've come while holding my values with integrity. I can be proud of that, come what may.
